Hello Stranger! I noticed you lurking around and decided to get your attention. Where have you been? I missed your input on a lot of things. Hope you're doing okay! HUGS TO YOU!
Just stopped by your thread - yeah, a lot of new things with you! But most of them are good when it comes to you. Sitch aside (even though this is why we are here) you're doing great!
Well that was a very interesting night you had. Was this normal for H to initiate R talk (at least reinitiate it...when you went to bed)? Sounds as if H is totally confused right now, but that you are on the road to moving on. Do you believe what he said about no hope for your marriage? I dont know what I would think of such a deep R talk and then him wanting to fool around. Of course I would jump at the chance to get close to H in the bedroom department but he is totally sending mixed messages. How are you feeling about what he said? Sorry so many questions, just trying to get a feel for what H normally does and what your thinking about the events that took place.
The usual way that he would initiate teh R talk is not through actually saying he wants to talk about it but through his behaviour - showing that he is angry, annoyed etc and by that having me ask him what's wrong. After that the talk would start.
When it comes to sex (and BTW got some last night as well ) I think it's his way of dealing with emotional pain that comes with the R talk (still and always). It's his need to be loved and re-assured and I think he feels that I need it too. Personally I love ML (not that he views it this way) to my still H and because I really don't put any hope into those actions as to reconcilliation - I'm able to enjoy it and not feel guilty/heartbroken etc as I used to.
I feel that I caused him enough hurt by denying him the physical contact before and if this is one of the ways I can show him that I do desire him and it's nothing that he did that was turning me off - I'm planning on doing it until we are no longer M or no longer under the same roof.
Another thought - if he is still looking for that "spark" and the more LMing we have the more he might be able to feel the connection - by all means! I rather have him realize that when we are still M then wait until D (or never).
Whoa! Just check out the meds my SBXH was prescribed (effexor) - turns out it's an anti-depressant for SEVER depression. Maybe he is being honest with his hrink after all....Well, good luck, no matter what's the outcome with us I really want him to be happy and feel better.
This morning he was making himself lunch (sandwiches) and I told him he can take leftovers from dinner two nights ago (pork chops which he loves). He put away the sandwich and I asked if I could take it to work for my lunch. He said sure. I ate it and liked it so I txed him (I'm really making sure that when I have an impulse to show my appreciation for him I go for it no matter what because that's a HUGE 180 for me) saying "great sandwich :-), thanks!"
He msged back "thanks, still working on pork chops myself, good stuff ".
That's the interaction for now. keeping busy at work though!
Crushed - Effexor is an excellent antidepressant - but they don't really categorize antidepressants as being for "mild" or "severe". Still, it is great news that he is going on the antidepressants.
Some things to know: - although drugs in this class sometimes work very quickly (I have seen people respond within days) it can take up to 3 or 4 weeks to start to see a response (took my H about 3 weeks on Prozac) - so be very patient.
- antidepressants can reduce sex drive or inhibit the ability to orgasm - Effexor does this less than most, but just be aware so you don't take it personally if his drive slips a little bit.
I never heard about that medication until my SBXH showed it to me last night. I looked it up on the net and that's what it said: Effexor (venlafaxine hydrochloride) is indicated for the treatment of major depressive disorder. So...don't know.
His psych told him that it should start kicking in within a week but he is on very low dose which he is supposed to increase soon but still not to "full" one (3 times a day). I'm afraid that he's going to drop it before full effects are seen just like he did with Prozac that he was on when his father died 14 years ago. He hates taking meds and therefore hates being dependent on them. That's a macho thing as well, he thinks he can deal with it himself.
Sex drive..well he is HD person to begin with so I'm not worried about it that much. Plus we are getting D in a matter of weeks and therefore it will not be an issue for me soon.
Just like you said though - it is great news that he is on something and working with professional on his issues and saying that he is getting a lot out of it.
Dont get me wrong on the ML issue. I was just wondering. I would love if my H would ML with me, but right now I cant even get him to give me a hug without him tensing up. I guess he has a conscience and feels that it is not the answer to our problems, but my response is always, it cant hurt and it could bring us closer together.
I am glad that your H is taking the meds. My H desperatly needs them but doesnt want to take them. Back in Nov we got him on some. First it was zoloft and that didnt work then a different one that I saw working but he stopped taking it because it gave him the jitters. The funny thing is, I was starting to notice a difference. My H needs to be on something but wont do it. That depresses me. So take that your H is opening up to you about his meds as a good sign.
You seem to be in pretty good spirits, so whatever you are doing is fine. Will check back later. Sun
) I think it's his way of dealing with emotional pain that comes with the R talk (still and always). It's his need to be loved and re-assured and I think he feels that I need it too. Personally I love ML (not that he views it this way) to my still H and because I really don't put any hope into those actions as to reconcilliation - I'm able to enjoy it and not feel guilty/heartbroken etc as I used to. 