corri I posted above in between some of the replys that came in with some of the answers. I still think the job pressure / power situation is causing most of this. I know of a time when I lost patience with W's trivial (to me) stuff.
Snoop and do not let H know ever. Your secret weapon or defense.
I hate to say this, but to me, the BJ is the DEFINING point in a relationship. This is a boundry between the two of you to true intimacy. I love to do ANYTHING for my wife, I LOVE to give her head to the point of her squirming all around as I try to hold her to my face. Men want the same in return. Sharing a load of semen with the wife is the ULTIMATE form of intimacy. Reject his penis (or semen) and you REJECT him.
What I have seen is that women LOVE to receive head, but can't offer the same in return. This ALWAYS creates an unbalanced relationship, and yes, it can be devastating. BJ's are like the defining point between HD and LW women. This is in effect the way he is evaluating your desire for him.
Quote: Sharing a load of semen with the wife is the ULTIMATE form of intimacy. Reject his penis (or semen) and you REJECT him.
I would have to respectfully disagree with this statement CeMar. If it's something Corri is uncomfortable with, and her husband still shares his semen in her mouth, then it's one of the most disrespectful things he could do.
I have no doubt you know what needs to be done( and will do it). The difficult thing, in my mind, is that you are put in the position of having to do it. It would have been nice to have that safety net of an H who has "internalized" this process, but under stress I guess the old defensive style kicks in. Stay strong and have those talks...hopefully it won't require the same degree of work and he'll get it.
((((( Corri)))))
IHJ-- btw, I agree with NOP; get that "friend" out of your life.
Corri doesn't want to swallow anyone's semen, not just her husband's semen, so how could her preference in this regard be a personal rejection of him? If you are just trying to indicate that many men including yourself and probably Corri's husband strongly prefer to have sex with women who are HD enough to enjoy swallowing semen, then I agree with you.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I know you are trying to help and I appreciate the effort.
Quote: I love to do ANYTHING for my wife, I LOVE to give her head to the point of her squirming all around as I try to hold her to my face.
See... to me this sounds like you are disregarding what she may possibly want for what YOU prefer while giving head. Her wants/wishes/desires don't even enter into your thought process. I think you could be projecting YOUR OWN wants/wishes/desires onto your wife, and leaving absolutely no room whatsoever for her to be her.
Quote: Men want the same in return. Sharing a load of semen with the wife is the ULTIMATE form of intimacy. Reject his penis (or semen) and you REJECT him.
CeMar, I'm sorry, this statement to me is so outside the bounds of rational thinking, I don't even know where to begin. Just because this is YOUR defining moment of ultimate intimacy does not make it so for all of the world.
Just so you know, I have no aspirations of becoming HD. I like me just as I am, and if you ever, ever, ever get beyond the complaint stage, I think you will gradually come to see that a loving, intimate relationship has nothing to do with HD/LD.
Quote: This is in effect the way he is evaluating your desire for him.
Ah. So having his penis in my mouth counts for nothing unless I swallow a load.
I think that your H has something stuck in his brain. I don't think it is a PA but he maybe thinking a lot about this other woman. With all of his stress and such he may have just had a melt down. I would talk with him and let him know it won't be tolerated.
Corri: It sounds like your man is going through a bit of an identity crisis.
I agree with all the others who have written that it is a very disrespectful thing that he did. I think that all men should be extremely mindful of hearing their partner say "no" but ESPECIALLY your H, given your history. I'm sorry that he did that.
It also sounds like the job is giving him a sense of entitlement and he is getting caught up in what he deserves. Now before we all castrate him for this, let me say that I am (was???? cripes, I hope I'm getting over this ugly habit) prone to this. I think, Man I am a good lookin woman..how DARE he not want to have sex with me! Does he KNOW how many other men would give their eye teeth...blah blah ad NAUSEUM. (emphasis on the nausea part)
Perhaps he is becoming caught up in his increased power and prestige at his job and getting a bit of a tude about coming home to a wife who may or may not go along with his desires. Quite a bit different than being at work where he has some power, huh.
Add in the Henrietta and ex-swinger-friend elements and you are talking one confused man.
I hope you get a chance to talk to him soon. Obviously he is acting out, trying to get your attention. His methods are a bit assholish, so I hope you can both work through this and get to a better place, quick.
HP, the witch with bling. (I received my pointy witch shoes with rhinestones and they are fab-yoo-lous )
My bf was married for 20+ years to a woman who never gave him a BJ...so he could care less...he's just plum excited to get one! No, I don't care to swallow, just a personal preference. I don't see the big deal at all...some people would not hear of performing oral on their SO or spouse...so who cares who swallows or not.
I haven't had a BJ in 2+ years. About 6 months ago, my wife began to do so at my request, but then nearly yanked herself away, and cringed saying, "I just can't do this! Can we just have sex?"
Corri, your husband does not appreciate the woman he has in you, and I think he needs to be told that. To unload in your mouth after you already told him you didn't want that is a VERY disrespectful thing to do.
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