Sorry I havent posted...Been feeling kind of blah. How is everything on your end? Did H call yet about the papers?
Well H did not take me seriously the other day when I told him I wanted a D. So yesterday when we were eating dinner, I told him that my mother had asked how we were getting along, so I said, I didnt feel like telling her we were getting a divorce so I just said fine. We are getting a divorce right??? And his response was "I DONT KNOW" SO I said are you still talkin to OW? and he did not answer so I said, then we are getting a divorce. I deserve to be happy, if not with you, then with someone else. Let him think about that for a few days....
Tell me something promising on your end. I will try and post more later, right now my daughter keeps grabbing the mouse. Sun
Sorry you are feeling blah, and sorry to hear that your H is STILL talking to OW. I don't think he's gonna take you seriously till some papers are shown , but if you are at all wavering on this divorce thing, now is the time to stop it.But if you are serious (and it sounds like it from your posts, but some days I think you are just so frustrated, you feel this is your only option left)then you have to pick a date, and start stuff rolling. You say you guys get along, have fun together, what is he getting out of OW? I can understand that you do not want to live your whole life in limbo, and at some point this has to improve or you have to move on.
I am so sorry that I have nothing to tell you. I mean it, nothing has happened as of today. I have not heard from him, he has not asked for papers, he has not sent me the money for the dog. But I will tell you what I HAVE heard alot of this week. I have been especially lonely and wanting to talk to him this week. So I have been hearing alot of "See, its been 19 days now and you have not heard one peep out of him. Get used to it. He's gone . No, we don't know why he is choosing to ignore you, and don't have a clue why he has not asked for the papers. But he does not want anything to do with you, its obvious. No, you can't call him.Why do you want to-he is ignoring you on purpose- but do not call him.Believe me, he KNOWS how you still feel about HIM, he knows this is torturing you. He does not want to be with you, he wants to be with her. I am sorry but thats the way it IS. Hey your paths may cross again some time in life , but for now, please don't put your life on hold for him He is not putting anything on hold for you". Hmmm...except for those papers....
Tomorrow I am going out house hunting again,maybe it'll help me GAL if I am in a new enviroment. Take care, and remember as long as he is still there, you always have a shot at fixing this. You see him every day. I know this is tough on you.I know this sounds stupid, but I know as long as I had him here, even if he talked to her everyday (and for a while he did that, only not in front of me)I could still try and work on my M. When all this happened to me months ago, I did not have this BB or you guys , or all this info on 5LL, or DB-ing. So, I did not use our time together then properly. Well, tomorrow is another day. I'll let ya know if anything happens.
I needed a laugh tonight, so i rented Blue collar comedy tour. Pretty funny. And I treated myself to chinese food. Tomorrow after house hunting going to my sisters for dinner.
I know its torture not having any contact for 19 days, but try and avoid the temptation for you to make the 1st move in any future contact. Your H will sooner or later start to think that you’re GAL without him and will become curious.
My sitch is pretty much bottomed out right now, she loves me deeply, wants contact forever with her best friend, etc, etc and although it is great for dbing its killing me with the so near but so farness of the sitch. I am setting myself a goal today of no contact for a min of 7 days, I’m going to try and avoid all calls and emails and make up some excuse, the reason being is that she has to miss me and experience this OM, its tough and we will remain friends but if she has the best parts of me, the friendship when she wants it then I feel it is going to prolong getting rid of the resident alien!!
I hope your H does contact you soon to relieve your pain and I’m sure it won’t be so rosy on his side, just try and hang on!! You’ve done tremendously staying away for that amount of time; you’re a tough cookie indeed!!
PS I take it all the expert advice on how you should see that it is over is coming from Family, Family in Law & Friends, well we know over here that they don’t know S*%t !!
thaks PHM- and I am positive your strategy will work, as your W wants you to be her best friend, and will miss contact with you. Betcha is doesn't even go the full 7 days. My H however, at one point when we first discussed the divorce told me he never wanted contact with me again, you could see he was making himself mad so it would be easier to talk about it (later i dicovered that the weekend he gave me a "decison" was the same weekend OW filed her D!They must have planned it all out) Then one day I was talking to him and said so are we gonna ever see each other again after this or what? And he said yea, we'll still keep in touch sometimes (but it did not have a sincere ring to it) Well, you know all the stuff that has transpired since.And here we are at Confusionland Park. It seems like forever to me, but calendar days its not too long, I guess. Hard to believe just about 22 days ago he had called me 2x in one day, and was accidentally riding by where that party is and asked me to go for the bike ride next day (which never happens). How can he go from acting all like he still cares and gave me hugs and kisses that make me want more, then (2 days later) cause he sees I was upset /hurt that OW called (still think she did that on purpose) he cuts me off from ANY contact whatsoever?He still has a bunch of stuff here, and has told SIL (who gave him an album for pics) "yea, I'll use this there are a bunch of pictures I'll have to go through..." I know I have probably repeated myself, from last posts, but I can't figure it out. You have any clues?
I do like to think he is not having a good day at the park either, his sitch is not the normal affair that one hopes to enter into for love either. And given how my H WAS(cause I don't know what 180's he's done in his life, he may be a totoally new guy for her)I can't see him doing the compassionate patient tolerant thing for a long period of time.Who knows, she may be able to provide that need he has to rescue for quite a while yet!
Thanks for helping me, sometimes its good to just get these thoughts out fo my head. I just can't help feeling that we can't even be friends now. I have reconciled myself to the fact that we are divorcing, maybe its best to start a new relationship down the line, but to never see or hear from him again after its over, it seems like such an immature, wasteful thing.
Sportster, I know the feeling of wanting to contact H. I had to contact H this morning as I received a letter in the mail about my rent payment being late. He seemed as if I was bothering him and it felt like he was angry at me. I know his dad was there and they were doing a fix-up project so I'm chalking it up to being busy with something else and not really wanting to think about anything else. I also know the confusion of getting mixed signals about R. Up until the day I moved out my H was kissing me good-bye and telling me he loved me on the way out the door to work and two days later telling me that he didn't want to be married anymore. What's that all about??? I only went 4 days without contact, but I only contacted 'cuz I needed to know the information about my rent money. I don't intend to contact anymore this week. Confusionland Park isn't a very fun place to be, but at least we are in the Park together and can help each other out at needed. I feel for your situation as it is quite similar to mine. My H is in a situation that is new waters for him as well, dealing with kids. I don't know how long he will be able to deal with 2 young kids that aren't his as they are quite needy at that age. He has to figure that out on his own. We discussed children and I know he want them, I'm just not sure he wants someone elses to take care of (even friends think this). I don't have much other advice except to keep up the work you're doing on yourself (I'll be doing the same) and try to keep a PMA. Talk later, LAS
I’m sorry, I’m not sure I do have a clue as to what’s going on in your H's mind, I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t know either.
You are only human and it is hard not to think of negatives, I’m right there with you in not know what’s going on!!
I think though we have just got to try and hold on to the hope that they will come to their senses.
My sitch took yet another turn this morning, I’m cannot seem to escape the daily updates, etc, etc.
My WAW was out with our mutual friends last night and I had emailed her when I got the invite earlier in the week to let her know I wasn’t going, I don’t trust myself in his presence, I’m sure I would snap and do something silly.
Anyway one of my closer friends who was also a close friend of hers pulled her to one side and asked her to refrain from in her words "being all over the OM" it was upsetting her. At this point all our friends know she had feelings for him, but don’t know they have been seeing each other, her close friend too. Anyway she told her to mind her own business and told her that they are not friends anymore!! And they went on to have a big argument.
Anyway, the fact that she told me that she was All over him has upset me big time, again I’m fighting off wanting to tell her to F off and finalize the D. I don’t know what to do as she tells me one thing and then seems to be so into this OM that I cannot see any hope. She clearly wants me there as a backup or just the best bits of my R with her and the Physical bit with him.
Don’t know what to do or think, I’m right in confusion land tonight.
Anyway, I cannot believe it has been 22 days since he was tracking you down to the party, time flies, yeah right it doesn’t. If you are like me those 22 days must seem like 10 years. It’s horrific this feeling of hopelessness we are in but we just got to keep plugging on.
I’m sure your H is infatuated at the moment just like my W, they will come out of it some time, its just we don’t know when. He's not pushed the D like you predicted, so that’s a plus that you would of been glad to take before Christmas, just try and keep positive, and although its hard, try and do some nice things for yourself. I wish I had had 22 days of being dark, that said my WAW is so into the OM at the moment even though she and my MIL tell me otherwise, she wouldn’t be too bothered.
Keep your chin up and I’m hoping things improve for you soon !!
I think you are right....I am NOT ready to go for divorce. I just enjoy spending time with H, even tho he THINKS that he does not enjoy being in our R. I say think, because I am totally convinced that he has made himself believe that he is not happy here. He is in love with the romance of R with OW. He must because she is a loser! 4 kids (by 3 different men) married 3x. She has got him wrapped around her finger it is pathetic. So much that he is willing to give up everything. But in the same respect you are right, he says he is not happy here, he says that he doesnt love me, then leave...But he doesnt. WHY? Even when we fight about OW, which I know I am not supposed to bring up...He threatens that he is leaving, but still he comes home. Next day is acting normal again. It is just so painful to know that when he has a free moment he is calling her.
I am honestly shocked that you have not heard from H. Exspecially since you sent him that bill. I thought for sure that would of sparked some kind of reaction from him, good bad or otherwise. I wonder if he is wondering why YOU havent contacted him. That would be nice. He has got to be thinking what the hell, she doesnt even text me. But dont let others bring you down about what you are doing. Only you know what is best for you. Family and friends just want you stop hurting, but what they dont know is that you two wouldnt have gotten married 2x if there wasnt some undeniable connection between you.
PHM, dont get frustrated. You are going to do ok with going dark. Sometimes I wish I could go dark but because H lives with me it makes it hard. I struggle with the techniques I am doing, because it just seems like acting as if JUST isnt working. I was going to try to use the LRT technique, but I just dont think I am ready. I want to be ready because I honestly believe H will not snap out of this unless he is given a bit of reality thrown in his face. He gives up our life, then he goes to live with mom, starts paying child support, and there wont be much money to go visit OW.
I did something that might sound stupid, but what the heck...I put a phone number in my cellphone (it is my girlfriend from work) but put the name "MIKE". I want to see if H checks my phone, and if he does what will he think of some guys number in it. We do not know any Mikes. In fact the only Mike I know is my ex-boyfriend from highschool that tried to get me back a few times when H and I started dating. (Dont forget H and I have been together since 17).
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like without H. I have been with him almost half my life. I dont know any other. I am sure you guys feel the same sometimes. Then I worry about what will happen to my daughter and I, struggling to make ends meet, etc.
I really hope that our spouses realize soon what they are throwing away before it is too late. I am going to pray hard tonight for all of us to have the strength to keep doing this. I know I faulter alot, trying the only way I know how to get through each day.
