Hi everyone. I have been posting on the seperated forum but felt i would also benefit from this forum. My H and I have seperated for the second time in 3 years. H-32, I am 29, S5,D4, married 12 years, together 14. Last time he was gone for 5 months and had OW. Things were great for the first year he was back and starting going back to the way things were and we are seperated again. The D papers have been filed. He is adamant that he doesn't want to work things out this time. He states he came back last time and he's not doing it again. Found out he has OW again. This time she is a 20 year old girl from work (last one was from work too-he works at a factory.) This girl was married but her H left her when he found out, too. I could really use some advice quickly because the D is right around the corner. Thanks!
looks like there is a pattern starting here. I recognize it because my H has also left for the second time, but we lasted 13 years from the last time. It seems to be from all I have read, that if there is another woman involved, they fel compelled to GO. Now, sometimes this stuff works out for them, but in your case, the chick is 20.A 20 year old is gonna get tired of a 32 year old unless he is buying her affection, she has a father complex, or if the next 20 year old hottie guy gives her the eye, she is gone like yesterday. If he is this adamnt about the divorce, sounds like it'll go through. But its ok, as long as you and your kids are protected. And you can always ger remarried. The trick here is to break this cycle. Good marriages take work, and sound like you said you contributed. Hey, I am not blaming you, he could have said "look, we're gettin into trouble land here, lets go get help" But no, its a good out to screw a 20 year old. This will pass. Just get back on the wagon and do what you did last time.If he doesn't believe the changes at first (and he won't) don't slide back. Keep going. And if he doesn't come back you are a whole new person who learned how to NOT have a bad habit marriage. And he will not be the benificiary, and it'll be his loss. Now he will be just some old dude who thinks he can get 20 year olds, and it won't be long till he can't afford 'em, and believe me they rather be with a poor 20-ish guy, then a poor 30 + guy! Alimony and child support, and having to show up for the kids events ,no 20 year old is gonna want to do that. Not for long.So, go start whipping yourself into shape, look beautiful, get with your friends, love your kids, and let him live with his decision for a while.It'll kill ya- but if you want to get him back, forcing him ,begging him, guilting him (at least obviously) is not gonna do it. If he wants to file, he pays for all of it. period.And he is to give you money for you and the kids.I will tell you like everyone here tells me- you can only control you, you can't control him. Change what you know was hurting the relationship.Come here we are here for you, there are alot of wonderful people here getting their guts kicked in every day, and still they are fighting for their marriages. Every so often we get to see that pan out. Talk to you soon, keep reading and working at it.
Sportster, thatnk you so much for your response. I agree with everything you said! The funny thing is with the girl involved, I know he's not buying her anything because he is completly indebt from all of this. And I don't feel a bit sorry for him because he wanted this. I left with the clothes on my backa nd borrowed money form my family to rent an apartment, buy used furniture, etc. He was left with the mortgage, car payment, credit card bills, etc and I think it;s funny because on top of all that he will have to pay 600.00 a month in child support and if he doesn't agree to the D settlement my lawyer proposed, I will also be entitled to alimony. He thinks he has it bad now...Anyway, I have been doing really good this week. My PMA is high for some reason (yeah!) Thanks again and have a great week!
