Liese wrote { I wish you and H were buddies and could go "golfing" or whatever and talk. }
Liese, I wish ALOT of us here on the SSM could be buddies and would be in GROUP counseling. Individusl C is good for some problems but I have been in group C, and just like here, the other rational members offer or model as much or more help as the C does. I think people in the problem are more believeable than the C on some problems.
Going golfing with your H would be a place to start. Because that is not likely to happen, can you find a group activity that you two can participate in where the couples actually do sit , walk, or dance together. Some of the other men's touching behaviors might rub of on your H. Why did I suggest this? I think people copy each other.
I have to ask for together time too. I know how soothing touching can be and how I can become anxious without touch. I have to clear the dogs off the sofa and ask W to sit next ot me about 2X a week.
{You're W is a lucky gal} I will thake that as a compliment. Maybe you could go shoe shopping (female equivilent of mens golf?) with my W and tell her that. Right now I wish I would get a compliment like that from my W.
I heard the blanket statement, "men are pigs, stubbron, controling etc," again tonight. W watches news 4 to 6 hrs a day. And of course Mark Kacking, Scott Peterson, Kofi Anon, Osama Bin Laden are frequent bag guy topics for a good many of the news topics.
I asked if her blanket statement included me as many of W's general comments really relate to me without directly accusing me. W said that I was controling but could not describe a particular incident at the time. I suggested that maybe what W sees as controling is having standards and setting goals to me. That is where we left things.
Whell, this is Hairdogs thread. I read where HD thinks Mrs HD's problems come from lack of trust in her youth are resurfacing in the M relationship. I have to think there is a lot of truth there. Also think friends, what people watch on TV or read influences a person's behavior or can influence old feelings to resurface.
When I worked in a group home for deliquent boys, the druggies lked the pot / drug comments in a movie, the auto theft boys like the car chase movies, the guys with issues with girlfriends liked the pimp movies, the anti-social boys liked movies like "Natural Born Killers". The state finally said no "R" rated movie rentals. The manager and some employees wanted to keep showing "R" movies. Just like some people thing nothing they are doing is undermining the R. Who? Me? Na!
Why the comments about the group home? My opinion and observations are, people will not say how they feel or think sometimes, but you can get a hint of what they are feeling by observing them while they watch a movie or observe what TV programs they watch. Also works for what people read and the type of friends they associate with.
How does this help Hairdog? Maybe a little insight into what people think but will not tell you directly. Nothing concrete, mind you, just some things that I saw working with boys where the rapport was almost everything. Without rapport and insight, you worked a shift from he!! Without rapport a M can be lonely.
Quote: Corri, thanks, for you have just pointed out to me that I'm tired of it to the point that I should just pay up the nose and toss him out. Thanks. Happy Holidays, now what should I tell daughter when she flys in for the Holidays?
I'm sorry if my words cut deep, but this comment actually gets right down to the brass tax of it. You are really, really pissed that your H isn't living up to your vision of marriage or what an H should be, you want him to change to fit your version (or at least get mildly close), because if you can't get him to change, then YOU have to make some very painful decisions... and you don't like how those painful decisions make you feel. So rather than face some very painful parts of yourself, you level both barrels at your H, which only drives him further away.
Now before you go getting pissed at me, we ALL DO THIS. It isn't just you. I have the best idea on the planet of how my H should be in MY marriage, and if he'd just ask me, if he'd just listen to me, everyone would be happy doing it MY way. I suppose I'll leave a little wiggle room in there for him to do things his way... as long as they don't affect me directly.
Now you tell me what is wrong with that picture.
And please, by all means, get pissed. Really let me have it, too. It feels good to get it out and off your chest. I'm serious as a heart attack. I'm a big girl, I can take it.
Quote: I wish ALOT of us here on the SSM could be buddies and would be in GROUP counseling. -------------------
THAT would be hilarious! It would be Ms.Hairy's time to share and we would all chime in, "That's such feminist crap! You weren't like this before you M him!" Then Mr.HP would try to defend her and we'd say, "You don't like oral anymore and fall asleep with your hand on the button, so you don't know anything!" Mr.Annette would get blasted because he can't keep it up and won't let her on top. JJ and part-time Hank would keep having to leave the room to do it.
That would be hilarious!
Oh, btw. I'm sure I'd be crucified for just being a horndog who wants everyone's pics.
It would be a blast. I'd be sitting back watching, waiting for the moment to ask all the LD's if they knew a good way for me to screen men up front, to ensure they were willing to have sex 25-40 times a month.... so as not to go down a cheeseless tunnel. I can only imagine the various reactions, but I suspect Mrs HairDog would be leading the way.
Quote: I suspect Mrs HairDog would be leading the way.
By the way, that's Ms. Hairdog.
While I'd love to get together with all the HDs and motivated LDs who frequent this board, I think we'd just end up trashing our spouses and their accompanying cluelessness. To get BOTH partners together for a group counseling session, damn, that would just turn out to be, uh, what's the word for it? Explosive.
However, in the interest of economy, I'd suggest that we look for a location for the get-together that is geographically central, and which has an airport. Kansas City gets my vote.
