Here's my new thread, folks. If I don't get around to posting tomorrow before we leave, have a lovely, safe, happy Thanksgiving (and for our foreign friends, have a great 25 November and surrounding dates)!
My half-hearted update is this: S. and I continue to struggle. We are getting ready for Vermont, for which we leave tomorrow night (same story, I pack the car, pick him up at work). I decided not to see him today, and he seemed perfectly happy about that. I think I’ve exhausted him lately, as he has me. I am just going to avoid all R talk, at least until after TG, and then let it wash over me calmly if it does arise. I’m taking my yoga stuff, so at least I’ll have an escape. Also, we’re taking my kitty, since the couple I live with are going away, too! So I’ll have my big fat kitty to escape to when I feel like biting off S’s head.
We had a reasonable discussion Sunday morning about R stuff, which I am simply too exhausted to go into here. Suffice it to say that I felt a little validated – one thing he said was that he’d “paid an emotional price” with me before over something that he couldn’t figure out how to do (something I needed from him). He sounded at the least compassionate about it.
Quote: Which brings me to Ellie, who I must say irritated me at first with your list of phone calls from your H while he was away. No hard feelings now, but at the time I thought a “nanny-nanny-boo-boo” might have been appropriate after that post. Actually, I did have a call from S. every day, we just didn’t actually speak on those calls, and yes, I would have preferred follow-up calls, but I was as guilty of not calling as he. BTW, we’re both introverts (I’m just the needy introvert). And now the little irritation has turned into a pearl.
Didn't mean to irritate you! Just wanted to point out that it's okay, it's NORMAL, to want your guy to miss you and be anxious to see you when he's gone. Now, if you dropped the ball on calling him back, and didn't greet him with an enthusiastic "I'd love to pick you up at the airport - can't wait to see you!" - I can see him thinking that YOU didn't miss him while he was gone and YOU weren't anxious to see him when he returned.
(BTW - that airport pickup thing - matters to them. It would be so much simpler if my H just took a cab - $25 and 20 minutes, versus me picking him up - but it really matters to him that I'm there. Makes him feel loved and appreciated and welcomed home. I get it now.)
I think Ellie's right that it's often the little things....the airport pickups, the packing up the car (that I know you do) that matter. At least with my guy, I know that now.
Remember that holidays are loaded. Do avoid that R talk thing. Fallback is yoga and kitty cat. You have a good plan, so stick to it!
And, wow, I am so envious of your New England Thanksgiving. Have a great one!
Nice call line for your new thread! I hope you are having a good weekedn in VT. I am so jealous right now of all, ALL the H's on line. Mine shuns my calls, and shoves divorce paperwork at me every other week in between telling me he MUST put the dog down while I am off getting my batteries recharged. Jerk.
My H used to call me once a day, and then since I usually whined about how tired I was, I think he stopped calling as much. "Let's see, call Anne and listen to her complain, or watch Law and Order"? not a tough choice, even if you ask me. Anyway, about you, Jennifer. It seems that you can take more patience to your situation and not demand the creaking guy move at the dominoe pace that Michelle was talking about in her book.
Patience, kindness, you always do so well at readjusting your expectations when you take care of yourself really well...I am an introvert too, and so I make sure I get time alone each am before the day's hub-ub starts and I get all weirded out.
Quote: My H used to call me once a day, and then since I usually whined about how tired I was, I think he stopped calling as much. "Let's see, call Anne and listen to her complain, or watch Law and Order"? not a tough choice, even if you ask me.
Hi Anne, I'm new here and I'm reading everything I can. What you said above is similar to my sitch. W and I would talk, I'd be miserable, telling her ILY and IMY. All that stopped last Saturday - first day I picked up DR. It's tough - really TOUGH! - to not call, to not want to email, and frankly I miss our (9!) cats as much as I miss W sometimes. But I'm holding off, and letting her make the next move. Hopefully it pans out. Wish me luck! -Jim
Hi Jim- Where is your thread? I would love to post to it and have your input and support on my thread. Look on mine a couple pages back and you will see how to put your thread in your signature line. Jennifer actually told me how, so you can ask her here too.
I defnitely wish you luck! Keep me posted on how it is going. -Anne
