Merrick, It was a blessing to read about how God profoundly touched your life on your day of baptism. Thank you for the hope you share with so many here.
Blessings,
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
How's life as a new convert? Thanks for your e-mail while I was away - I was thinking of you and what you must be going through as I hiked a 13-mile loop through the Texas high desert and up into the mountains, with a beautiful view over into Mexico, cactus and wildflowers in FULL bloom, sun shining, birds singing... what an amazing world we live in.
I can't say a lot of things typing with my nose. I hope you are well Briget.
My apolgies for not checking in on you guys, but the BB is just not the place for me at this time. I will be back to help others, but as the DB Coaches always say, first we got to help ourselves.
I'm being very low key. I have a trial date scheduled for May 26th and I'll take it from there. W is no different than she has been for the past 20 months, but for the most part, I've given up DBing and just try to avoid her drama.
I have found my old self, have numerous new friends, attend Yankee games without guilt, have an even better relationship with my children, and don't sweat a lot of details.
But underpinning all this, is my conversion. I have the fortune of having a Church 1/2 block away from my office and I've started attending Mass before work almost daily. I realize that I need and must seek God's grace EVERY day (if not every moment) to keep forging ahead. It's hard to explain, but right now I feel a unprecedented strong inner peace that tells me that no matter what happens, I will be fine. Basically, right now I don't feel any need to seek another relationship other than the one I'm building with Christ--and with that one strenghtened, all else will follow.
If religion is the opium of the masses, give me lots more!
Caught ya!! Hey, didn't mean for my drama to have an effect on you...I can't even find the words to describe how strange it is to get a call like that from the woman I loved so deeply. As for my feelings, I don't feel anger, which I think would probably be pretty common, I just feel disappointed and saddened by it. As I have said before, I just can't cry anymore when these things happen...it just doesn't have that effect on me right now, and its not because I'm fighting the tears...I just don't feel that same level of pain anymore. Maybe I have been desensitized to all this nonsense...who knows?
I thought the following was interesting/funny? to check in and share.
Those following my sitch know that NY is a "fault" state requring grounds beyond irreoncileable differences. This is a bit controversial as most of the organized bar of NY is seeking to join the cultural decay of no-fault. The following op-ed was written by such an attorney for the NY Law Journal. I encorage you to read this--but wait until the end to read the authoer's name.
New York Law Journal April 29, 2005 Friday April 29, 2005 Friday New York Needs No-Fault Divorce
It's no one's "fault," but their marriage is over, and they both know it. They've made the rounds of professional marriage therapists and clergy. They've tried save-your-marriage weekends but they continued to drift apart. They barely know each other anymore. It's two separate lives under one roof. They both want to end the marriage now, with as much dignity and respect as possible.
The prospect of a traditional fault-based divorce, where one spouse sues the other in open court, distorting or at least exaggerating the facts, can get ugly, is expensive, and it isn't appealing to either of them. Establishing two separate residences for one year with extra payments for rent, utilities, food and other necessities--on top of child support--would place them in debt for years. Yet, in New York, right now, another alternative isn't there, and it won't be unless we can convince the state Legislature to pass legislation creating true "no-fault" divorce.
Perhaps the biggest stumbling blocks to adopting no-fault divorce in New York have been advocacy groups said to be committed to protecting a woman's interests and rights in a marriage and those who express concern about the effect a new law would have on the family and the institution of marriage. While all of these goals are laudable, and essential societal goals that we support, finding a more civilized way to end an irretrievably broken marriage than we have now does nothing to undermine those goals.
In addition, there is strong evidence to suggest that the availability of no-fault divorce increases a woman's physical well being and, perhaps, could save her life. A Stanford University study published in 2004 found that: "Examining the impact of no-fault divorce laws adopted by states in the 1970's and 1980's, (we) saw decreased rates of suicide, domestic violence, and spousal homicide for women."1
Some critics argue that a no-fault divorce statute would create a stampede of otherwise content couples lining up for divorce decrees simply because it's become easier. That's nonsense! Couples who are truly content and committed to making their marriages work will continue to do so. No-fault won't create a "run on divorces" among New York's married population. Instead, no-fault would make divorce more civil by eliminating the he-said-she-said dialogue of divorce where fault-finding is required. Creating a non-acrimonious end to a marriage alleviates the need for spouses to say vicious things about each other, and, perhaps most important, changes the whole tone of a divorce for children, already confused and anxious about mom and dad's breakup.
None of that can happen, however, until the Legislature adopts a proposal from the New York State Bar Association to establish no-fault divorce for irretrievably broken marriages. The state bar plan would allow couples to declare that their marriage has broken down irretrievably. If one spouse denied that the marriage was over, the court would consider all of the relevant facts and then decide whether the marriage is truly unsalvageable. A judgment of divorce could also be issued if both husband and wife consented under oath that such a judgment should be granted.
In all cases, a divorce would be withheld until all the financial issues of the marital breakup, including distribution of marital property, child support and legal fees had been decided.
Another benefit of no-fault divorce would be reduced client costs. Lawyers wouldn't have to spend time pursuing the considerable issues of blame that are required to obtain a "fault" divorce.
Before no-fault was available (in other states), to secure a divorce both spouses had to consent or one had to prove "fault" by the other. According to Justin Wolfers, assistant professor of Political Economy at Stanford, "Under no-fault wives can threaten to walk out without the husband's permission, changing the power balance in the relationship." The husband, understanding the lowered threat point, behaves himself, thereby reducing the incidence of domestic violence and spousal homicide, and increasing women's well-being, he argues.2
By unreasonably insisting that irretrievably broken unions be maintained, no matter what the cost, we do nothing to preserve the integrity of marriage. We simply delude ourselves into thinking that we are.
Kenneth G. Satandard
I've been reading C.S. Lewis's Screwtape Letters, which are letters from a top aide to the Devil (Screwtape) to an apprentice demon (Wordwood) instructing him on how to gain an individual's soul for the "Father Below." Judging the letter above, (perhaps unfairly) I had no idea that Lucifer no longers sees the need to even hide his name!
My trial is set May 26th and W shows no sign of real compromise. Her latest offer was probably stingier than what I could get if I was a serial rapist, baby-killer, and adulter--so off to trial we go.
I probably won't post again until I know my fate in that forum, but please know that I am doing well.
I hope you are well Briget.