It's weird, I've got this calm feeling of uncertainty about me right now, and hopefully it continues. I'm sure it won't when I break the news to my kids, and most notably my 10 year old son, who is truly my best friend, and the only other "dude" in the house with 3 other women.
But hey, spending time with them now will become increasingly more important, and more valuable, and my goal will be to make sure they are adjusting to the new lifestyle.
F of 3: As one who has moved out of a house, leaving an 8 year old behind, don't make the ABSOLUTELY stupidest mistake that I made. Don't tell your boy that he is "the man of the house, now." Why did I do this? I don't know...it was the first cliche that popped into my head, maybe. Or maybe it was because I knew them my ex was a narcissistic sicko who needed someone to tend to her needs. Either way, it led to some unhealthy emotional relationship issues between son and ex-wife, as he became her confidante.
We're past most of those issues now that he is 15. Just tell your son that you'll continue to see him, talk to him, be there for him (on the phone if not in person), and that his job is to continue being a kid. And make sure to assure him that the separation is NOT HIS FAULT.
My son was also 8 when marriage #1 broke up. You are right on target with your advice. Now I understand even more why you are working so hard on keeping things together with the current Mrs. HD. I sometimes wonder if my H figures he can behave how he wants to because he has evidence that it takes a hell of a lot to make me leave (12 years with a real piece of work). Does Mrs. HD figure that you are so loathe to leave that you will stay no matter the personal cost to you?
Quote: Does Mrs. HD figure that you are so loathe to leave that you will stay no matter the personal cost to you?
Well, Karen, I don't think that she thinks that way any more. I was pretty clear during our talk on Sunday that I'm not going to be in a celibate marriage forever. And when she brought up the issue of how hard it would be on DD3 I told her that there may come a point where I think it will be more important to show DD3 that an unaffectionate marriage does not need to the status quo than just staying together "for the kids."
Quote: Oh, I forgot you were from Missouri. Hey, it's a long drive, but if you need a place to crash, let me know. I can see it now: H: Hi, Fof3! Fof3: Hi, Hairdog Ms.dog: Hairdog? What's that mean? And who is this? H: Oh, this is my buddy Fof3. Ms.Dog: Fof3? Is that like 7 of 9 from Star Trek? And how did you two meet? H: Uh, [long pause]. Mu. Ms.dog: Mu? H: Yes. Mu. DD3: Mooooo.
Come on over, Fof3. You might want to see if Honeypot wants a ride, too.
Corri wrote << I think you gave me the very best compliment I've ever had on this board: you called me HD!! Whoo-whoo!!! Actually, I came to this board as an LD. And while I now consider myself to be a reformed LD, I would never go so far as to claim myself to be HD.>>
Corri. My comment about being HD was not ment to be in absolute terms, but relative to what some "almost no drive" spouses here on the BB are portrayed as in actual frequency and ESPECIALLY attitude.
Frequency is important and so is attitude. The position of one spouse saying "I do not like sex" and the other spouse should accept (to endure without protest or reaction) that is painful. You seemed to understand that ML is a two way street and to me it seemed like you were HD compared to people who do not want budge or consider the other spouse's needs.
HD wrote on page 1 of this thread << How did I get here? >>
HairDog, I am not as sex starved as you are but almost wound up that way. W likes to watch "Lifetime Time" and "Oxygen" channels for "WOMEN" on the satalite system. Many movies about male dentist, lawyers that have a nice family and wife. The male character also has his honey on the side. The old betrayed wife and cheating husband theme. We also watch programs that deal with 3rd world countries where women carry water and gather firewood while the men discuss politics.
When my W talks about how unfair these situations are and seh says "MEN ARE SUCH JERKS" I finally told her if she was implying that I treated her poorly, and that she should give me an example. She said I was OK. Then I asked her who she knew (female) that was treated poorly. W could not name anyone she knew personally.
I had enough of her putdowns in general and said if she wanted to fill her life with cheating husband movies, I would not sit with her whils she watched those types of movies. W did not like my comment, but 6 months later those cheating husband moves are not watched in my house.
Also about the thread "asexuals" I am believing more in that concept. Not to say a LD spouse can not become more sexual, but starting to believe more people could be relative happy without sex with a regular frequency, kind of like once in a blue moon.
Your W's comment about doing with out sex seems to be a power struggle and would lead me to think about controlled seperation (30 days or what works for you) if I were in that situation. (after ruling out mental problems or severe depression)
Now Mrs Hairdog and Mr.FF boy, would that be interesting. Would the polar caps double in size or would they see how stubborn they are and do something about their own attitude toward their real spouse.
W and I watch "Wife Swap", ABC network, and talk about how OTHER people seem far from the norm and how they can correct things in their R. It seems to help us a little sometimes.
OG Lou, Wondering if lawyer believe in binding arbitration.
