been there done that and tried it for a year. I call him everyday it seems and tell him to STOP spending money cause it ain't there to spend. He does this all the time. we have borrowed money from his family and friends and took loans out because this happens every month. I am sorry if I made it seem like this is a one time thing of his. He lies and tells me he won't spend anymore then more stuff goes through. I am at the end of my rope. He doesn't listen at all when I tell him to stop. He just agrees with me and keeps spending money. We owe everybody and his brother now and can't pay anyone back cause he keeps spending it all
ok well I emailed H a list of what I expect from a husband. Not what he is doing wrong just what I expect. Then I explained each thing and what it means to me. For example one of them was SUPPORT US: to me this means you don't involve yourself in things that are bad for our marriage or hang out with people who would be a bad influence and do not respect our marriage. So the list was pretty long. He did not email me back so I called just to make sure he got the email because my computer has been messing up lately. He said he had gotten it and I said ok. Then we talked for a little while. We talked about him maybe coming home from Korea and how we could go about doing that since none of us are doing well apart. He said he didn't want to leave Korea before his year is up because he would feel like a failure and couldn't be strong enough to hack it over there. I told him that the choice was his and we, his family, would line up behind his decision. So he said he would sleep on it and get back to me tomorrow moring my time. He said he promises he will contact me after thinking about it. We laughed because one of my things on my list was KEEP YOUR WORD. which in the past he doesn't keep his word much. But we laughed about it and I have complete faith he will contact me with it when he says he will. Things looking up a bit. On the other hand he is still eating out spending money we don't have. Our bank account is at 0 and our overdraft account on goes to $500 and it is at $413. We will have to pay that back. SO now he is running up the overdraft. I don't have the money to buy our kids christmas this year because of this. My mom says since I have power of attorney I should just open another bank account that is joint and take all his paychecks that are direct deposited and put them in that one and pay the bills and leave him 150 dollars each month to spend since his only expenses are food and cigs. I warned my H that I would do this if one more cent came out of our account because he had already spent what we agreed he would have this month plus $30 more. We live paycheck to paycheck and can't afford much. He told me ok when I warned him and didn't seem mad. Should I do this or just allow us to be run into the ground by his impulsive spending or is there another idea I should try? I was calling him every morning begging him to not spend anymore and he would tell me ok. Then he would spend more. I don't want to fight with him since we are getting along better. what should I do?
This is what you do...go to the bank, set up a bank account and the first of the month transfer the funds you need to live on out of the old account into the new one. It's just that simple. You don't need to go through payroll and have his alltoment changed. Just open another account in your name alone, get the money you need out of the old account and then get off his butt for God's sake.
I was a military wife for 17 years. My ex husband was deployed often. While in Saudi Arabia he told me that 90% of the guys were a mess because their wives were constantly bitching and moaning at them and them thousands of miles away and with no control over what was happening.
I read your posts and it made my head spin. I can't imagine sitting in Korea and being bombarded by that stuff daily like he is. You send him poems to illicit guilt, you send him lists of what you expect from a husband and you tell him he is allowed to spend $150 a month. He isn't your child that you have to keep in line, you are not a 17 year who needs constant reassurance. He is a man who is thousands of miles away from his family and you are his wife. You've got it easy compared to what he is living right now. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself becuase this man who is so far away is not fulfilling your emotional needs.
Blow Jobs in Korea are about $2.00 a piece. Real cheap and real easy to turn to if all you ever hear from home is bitching and moaning. You might want to think about turning yourself into someone who enjoys talking to and hearing from or else get ready to deal with whatever it is he does to help with the frustration of constantly having to deal with your insecurities.
Sorry to be mean but you need to lighten up with him or you really will have problems.
