Anybody having any REAL success?

[Greeneyedlass]

CeMar...does your W have this much trouble getting you to listen too? Your stuck on the fact that you want your W to become what you perceive an HD person to be...you have tunnel vision....you aren't even trying the things that people are suggesting who ARE managing to have a successful sex-life and better relationship with their spouse.

If you are expecting your wife to magically return to what you remember her to be without you putting any effort into it...your setting yourself, and her, up for failure.

[Bube]

What she said - and then some. You have already decided that your W isn't capable of measuring up to what you want. You've said that plainly enough many times. With an attitude like that I have to agree that you're absolutely right, things never will get better.

Wildebube

[Lillieperl]

CeMar, remind us again of WHY you're staying married? Why not set both of you free to find more compatible partners?

[CeMar]

Lillieperl:

I am a religious person and violating my marriage vows is an extremely tough thing to do, I am not sure that I have a biblical reason for divorce. And second, I have 3 children with the youngest being only 8. So it is not my decision to make at this point. So I am trying to find a way to make changes in my marriage from a christian perspective.

[Greeneyedlass]

Correction CeMar...you're trying to make changes in your W, not your marriage.

You have stated you expect your W to change her "personality". People don't change their personality...they change their underwear, they change the car they drive, they change their attitude...they don't change their personality.

When are you going to suck up your pride (like the rest of us who are REALLLLY trying hard) and try the things that have been suggested to you? I can't help but notice that you don't generally reply to the posts that ask those questions of you.

If I could give you a cyber smack upside the head I would....just to help wake you up because the approach you are taking (the lack of effort you are making, the fact that you expect her to do all the work, your lack of honest confrontation, and waiting for something to magically happen, and your UNREASONABLE expectations of her) is GUARANTEED not to work.

So, if you truly want your marriage to be happy, if you want your wife to be close to you again, if you want her to feel sexual towards her again. You've GOT TO CHANGE YOUR APPROACH and you've GOT TO CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. Because what you're doing doesn't work, it hasn't been working for you...you're still complaining right? So it stands to reason that if it doesn't work today, it won't work tomorrow, and it still won't be working a year from now.

CeMar, my H and I are making progress...no, we aren't ML like I'd like yet, but we will. But you know what we can't make changes in our marriage if we don't communicate. We've gotten sooooo much better at that now....and that's where we have to begin before our sex-life can improve.

Let me ask you this....you keep talking about the unredeemable qualities that your W has. Why exactly is it she should feel attracted to you any longer (besides the physical)? You don't sound like you love her any longer...so why should she love you? Remember this is a 2-way street.

I'm really just asking questions to try to get you to think and get the heck out of that tunnel vision you are stuck in.

GEL

[SuzeeQue]

Cemar...

I have responded to some things you have written in the past but mostly I just read. Today however I am writing because I cannot believe you just used your christianity as a reason to stay in your marriage.

How christian is it of you to make demands on ONLY your wife? I happen to be in the same situation as you , only I am a woman. I am increasingly shocked at your disdain for your wife. How can you expect any sort of changes to be made when they are basically being demanded.

How fair is it for you to portray yourself as the downtrodden one in the marriage when all you talk about on this board is how awful your wife is.

I know I am being way blunt here but please!!!! I have been so angry at my LDH for his choices and lack of interest but I have never said or believed that we as a couple could not work on things and make them better. You seem to think that you should just be able to sit around and watch miracles happen without having to participate in them.

And the thought that your children are better off with the obvious animosity that is rampant in your home is crazy. Even the youngest of children can read and understand their parents emotions.

If in fact you really want to play the Christian card , I would suggest you speak to your minister and have him/her guide you in making some well thought out decisions.

Harsh, I know but everybody on this board has written to you and you seem to not really change your opinions....for petes sake man get a grip....

[NOPkins]

A confession.

You are right, Cemar.

We succeeded because I DEMANDED that MrsNOP become HD because I could NEVER love her otherwise. After all, she is in CONTROL of the SEX. All LD women are in CONTROL of the SEX.

I must also confess that I bought her Dr. Laura audio books and forced her, at gun point, to listen to them. After about 40 hours, I began to notice a difference in her. Her eyes became less focused, and I could see that she was really wanting me. That is when I made my first mistake!

As soon as I untied her, she IMMEDIATELY got up, went to the couch and went to sleep. SHE REVERTED TO LD!!

The real change began when she HELD HERSELF hostage, at gun point, for 80 HOURS, and FORCED herself to listen to Dr. Laura audio books. She then became a real bona fide, certificated, Dr Laura HD woman. It's official!

I have proof too! She NEVER says NO. She ALWAYS wants it. The problem now is that I am going broke buying viagra and all the football players at the local high school say that they have NEVER seen anything like her. She is HD with a capital h !!

Don't let ANYONE tell you that you are living in a fantasy world about your wife spontaneously becoming HD, Dr. Laura style. SHE IS JUST HOLDING OUT ON YOU so that she can STAY IN CONTROL. She knows that she has to give up control if she becomes HD. It is a PLOT to make you UNHAPPY!

In all seriousness, Cemar, you are either a troll, or you are choosing delusion over the truth.

Which is it?

-NOPkins-

[NOPkins]

Cemar.

I have been thinking about your situation.

I am thinking that you were NOT the original HD person in your relationship.

I am thinking that your wife was the primary HD and you were secondary, or LD, relatively speaking.

I am thinking that she initiated most of your early-years sexual encounters.

I am thinking that she gave you the key to her heart when she said she wanted you to be more assertive.

I am thinking that the very thing you most hate to do, is the very thing that you must do.

I am thinking that you need to be strong for her.

I am thinking that you need to initiate.

I am thinking that she is waiting for you to step up to the plate.

I am thinking that she got very, very, tired of being the sexual leader in your relationship.

I am thinking that she has lost respect for you, Cemar.

I am thinking that you know what you must do.

I am thinking that she is waiting on you, Cemar.

-NOPkins-

[crushedNJ]

Greeneyedlass
Actually, I'm the one with LD... or used to be. It's all so weird...turns out that I had some psychological blocks that were superimposed on some pharmacological and health issues....turns out that I'm not LD anymore but it's too late...you can read all about it in the "Is it over" thread...I got a lot of good advices, just wished I joined/found the site earlier...when there was still hope. I don't think there is much left anymore...not for the lack of me trying at this point (I got the right tools and understanding where my LD came from and I'm taking care of the things I can take care of and seeing real results). Unfortunatelly my H feels that he's been working at the R for the past 5 years (that's how long we lived together, we were married 3.5 years - no kids) and he gave up...at this point he is not attracted to me, he is hurt by me too much to look past the pain and he wants the D to heal by dating and bonking ( ) other women...so...that's where I'm at...

[cinemanymph]

crushed,
I shed a tear over your plight . I am working on improving my libido, but the going is tough, sometimes. Here's to you gaining the strength to deal with whatever life has in store for you.