I first wanted to plug Sage's new thread. LOTS of great info and insites to learn from.
Here I sit....2 yrs. post bomb. M 10 yrs., 2 kids ages 3 and 5 yrs. old. I'm 34, H is 33. Typical story of ILYBNILWY, turns into MLC....EA....you know the drill.......
2 yrs. later....I have become much more independant. I really enjoy watching my kids grow and being #1 in their lives. I have become much more aware and sensitive to other people and realize how different we all are re: personalities and how we handle stress. I am a much better communicator. I do my best to not be controlling and judgemental like I use to be.
Things I WISH were better: I wish I had a H who loved me. We are S for the 3RD time. Yes, you read that right. Who would have thunk it???
H and I get along very well. That "spark" just isn't there for my H. I guess? GOD tells us to love one another and turn the other cheek. So, I do feel good that I have been able to forgive H for all the lies, deceit and cheating. I do remember but the pain has subsided. Unfortunately, I also think I have made it easier for H to have his cake and eat it too.
What a journey this life is......
This morning H was 45 minutes late to get the kids so that I could go to work. This is the 1st time this has ever happened. H apologized profusely for oversleeping. I was not happy with him but what can you do?
I met H after work today with the kids and picked out carpet. H then asked if I wanted to get a bite to eat. I said yes. Actually, I was planning on taking the kids out anyway to avoid getting stuck in traffic.
So as far as positives....H is not avoiding me like the plague like he use to. I am doing better but not perfect with not asking him questions. When I do get upset that I don't have a H that loves me I don't stay stuck in that mode for long.
What I need to improve upon is: letting go. Let H do his thing and I do mine. Let GOD deal with my life and my H's and give him full control to do so. I need to lose weight which I have been struggling with for my whole life.
Quote: What I need to improve upon is: letting go. Let H do his thing and I do mine. Let GOD deal with my life and my H's and give him full control to do so.
Me too, Nik, me too.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Nik, I haven't posted in a while but I have been following your story. You seem to be doing well considering your situation. I just want you to know that it was 4 years ago for me when the bomb dropped. I was d'bing for a long time. I got the same treatment ILYBNILWY. An EA with a coworker. My H did not leave but things between us were bad. I often wondered if he was waiting for me to leave. I kept at the D'bing and things slowly started to change for the better. We became friends again and slowly our marraige began to come together. Oh things are not perfect and we have a long way do go. But things are much better.I know it seems hard but stay focused. Make the weight loss a goal for yourself. I did that too. I lost some weight and started to exercise. Now every morning I run 2 miles before work. Two years ago I would not have believed that would be possible. So be realistic and patient but don't give up hope. Keeping setting goals for yourself. Regardless of the outcome of your situation, you will be a better person. Good Luck! Lyn
Thanks! WOW, 4 yrs. and your still on the board. That is impressive. I know I am not on the board as much as I use to be. I'm glad things are much better for you.
I really do need to make weight loss my goal. I wain up and down with my commitment to it. I have a hard time with not eating snacks/junk at night. I think it was Sage but I could be wrong who mentioned something about Meridian Therapy. I got the book from the library and am reading it now. I've always enjoyed exercise so I just need to go to the gym more often.
Just checking in to say "HI" and wanted to emphasize what Lyn said. 4 years is impressive.....PERSERVERENCE is a wonderful quality in life. I was motivated by her simple thoughts on personal weight loss goals too. I know that no matter what....feeling healthier and better about your physical self, can only increase your own self condifidence...and DUH....people notice.....especially the WAS! I have gained some pounds the last couple of months....so I'm getting on it too!
Thinkng of you....keep on DBin along....take good care of Nik....something that make you feel good each and every day. Mooka
Nik.... thanks for visiting my thread. But what's the latest with you????? I am very curious??? Give us a summary or email me, I think about you and your sitch so very often. Miss hearing from you!!
Mooka, Thanks for checking in. Really nothing new. Just going thru the motions of the holidays as usual. I didn't want the stress of changing our traditions with the kids. I'm laying low and just staying busy shopping and doing all the holiday "stuff."
