Hi Pam, things are sounding great. Maybe the bloom has fallen off the rose! Sometimes it takes them awhile to figure out that they aren't getting what they expected.
Keep listening to him and validating his feelings. Be a friend---but remember to expect nothing. It hurts less that way.
Now, come over to my thread and tell me just what I told you.
Well I am certainly a tiny bit encouraged about the two phone calls from H yesterday.
I think that he probably just sees me as the calm port in the storm.
I am not "expecting" anything to happen. I am finally starting to get the fact that the process of restoration is a journey. I have naively expected him to break up with OW every time that he had some sort of a revelation about OW's shortcomings or how "unrealistic" their R was.
And the sad part is, if he walked in the door on Sunday and said "honey, I'm home" he would still be bringing all of his problems with him.
And the thought that has haunted me for a while is this... If H doesn't get the fact that having a R with OW was "wrong" if he just thinks that they were not "compatible" after all, then where does that leave us? I am eventually going to need something that looks like genuine repentence otherwise I feel like it leaves the door open for H going outside the M when he feels unhappy inside.
Of course this is all just Wednesday morning talk, we are a long way away from this point.
I am also glady accepting any ideas for what to do/say/think/act as if once H returns on Sunday.
Quote: And the thought that has haunted me for a while is this... If H doesn't get the fact that having a R with OW was "wrong" if he just thinks that they were not "compatible" after all, then where does that leave us? I am eventually going to need something that looks like genuine repentence otherwise I feel like it leaves the door open for H going outside the M when he feels unhappy inside.
I am sure this is a question that ALL of us here ask ourselves.
And the answer is????
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I do get the daily Charlyne Cares e-mail and would highly recommend it to all "standers." It gives me a daily dose of encouragement and strengthens me in my daily walk.
It is so easy to get discouraged when circumstances look bleak or when the world tells me I don't deserve all this or my H feeds me a line of crap. But when I take my eyes off myself and focus them back where they belong I find..
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If I trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding, then he will make my paths straight. In all things God works together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.
So in all things I am still standing and believing in faith hope and love that my marriage will one day be restored.
Quote: Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed. - Corita Kent
and I wanted to add a quote that I found the other day. It was printed on the hanging tag of a new sweater I bought at Nordstrom.
Grace is like style. Always there, within, waiting for you to discover its power.
There are lots of different kinds of grace I would say. There is grace that comes from within, grace that comes from God, and the joy that comes from knowing that we are living grace-filled lives.
Hi Pam - I'm going to try to re-frame your question
Quote: I am also glady accepting any ideas for what to do/say/think/act as if once H returns on Sunday.
What would H's state of mind and emotions be? I can think of three possible scenarios: 1. he has definitely wrapped things off with OW, and struggles with the enormity of his decision (if it is for real, it HAS to have been HIS decision) 2. he has promised OW he will always be there and struggles with how to reconcile OW with his obligations (all he can see right now ) with you and the boys 3. he has been through the motion of breaking up with OW, but is already trying to figure out how to get re-connected with her
What should he see of Pam that would draw him closer to her? In any of the three scenarios above?
The scenario that I am thinking is most likely is that things have further deteriorated between H and OW in their R. That their so-called honeymoon period is probably over and he is seeing her more for her true colors.
Will he have broken up with her? I doubt it. He has so many demands and woes that are business related right now that I seriously doubt if he will have the energy or wherewithall for another messy OW break up before he leaves Brazil. So I am guessing that he will leave there with her in limbo, much like I am, only I am calm, serene, peaceful, and full of grace.
OW will be angry, emotional, perhaps clingy or demanding.
I also know that H rented a house for her in Brazil, and H makes the payments because she cannot afford to on her meager income. I also believe that she is lying to H telling him that the lease cannot be broken or she will be arrested or some such crap.
H doesn't have the $ to pay off the entire term of the lease and because of the language diff he believes OW when she says the lease cannot be broken.
That one entanglement and how to conquer it will be a huge sticky point for H.
I am really trying hard to be realistic. Just because H said that things are terrible between him and OW and then called me 2x in one day isn't really a reason to break out the bubbly just yet.
So who am I when H returns? The antithesis of OW? The Pam he fell in love with? The Pam he said that he was looking for when we went to C together? Some combo of all?
) with you and the boys