Anyone have any advice? My W/ is not into it at all, and says that I push to much but when I back off it is the same thing I could wait weeks and maybe then she might. I did read some of the posts but cant find them again, and as they said I feel that Im not wanted and always getting reject is getting old. This is not just about the sex, I love her and I feel sex is the closest way fro us to be together. I know the board is divorce busting Im not even thinking about that. It has gone for something like 30+ days with out getting any, is this normal?
Please Help... I get very aggrivated when she rejects me.....
Hi, DBR, welcome to the bored. The web site is "Divorce Busting", but from the description of your situation, I can tell you that you have come to the right place.
If I told you that having a spouse reject you on a regular basis is normal, would it make you feel better? Probably not, but you are in good company. I can't help you from personal experience. But I can tell you that it is good that you are trying to solve the problem now, because it can always go from once a month to never.
There are a ton of people on this bored who have made progress on their situations. Maybe if you elaborated on yours, they could give you the benefit of their experience.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
The best I can tell you is that I have went the path of asking all the time to not asking at all, neither work that well. We do work opposite shifts and she works home sometimes and other than that weekends only. At this point I dont know what if anything will work, I have suggested that she speaks to her gyno. (Well See) She feels that that is all I want her for, but I can tell you that is not the case, I LOVE HER with all my heart. But as I said before it hurts being rejected. I will give her some credit that she trys sometimes. I have tried everything, but she does not even like me just doing stuff to her, Let me ask you all a question, (Male & Female Answers Please)If you are not into it but the person that you love comes over to you and starts kissing you and touching you does that make you get in to it? I will do anything she asks, but the PROBLEM is she never asks. She has told me that she could do with out it. I feel that she does not even want to touch me. Also when I said I do anything for her, I try to please her with nothing in return but she also believes that there is something behind everything I do. I do just like doing stuff for her that does make me feal good too. I do admit I do try alot but I love being with her. If there is anything else that you had in mind please let me know...
First, welcome. I know this is probably the last place you want to be, but there are some very friendly, very helpful people here, and most of us do understand what you're feeling.
I know it's hard, but in order to help you, we are going to still need more specifics. For example, how long have you and your W been together, do you have children, is this your first marriage.
Also, has your W been LD from the begining, or have things 'cooled off' at some point? How are the 'other' areas of your marriage? Do you two get along well outside of the bedroom?
You'll learn a lot as well by reading some of the other posters here; this is a smart, brave bunch of people, and a lot of them have made significant progress in what might have seemed like a desperate situation.
I agree with Heapmom...we're going to need a bit more of the history of you two before we can really help.
One thing I do want to ask is this...how much time does she make for you? Is she always busy with kids, work, house chores, errands etc? If so, it's always possible that her mind is always occupied with the things she feels she HAS to do, so there's something constantly on her mind (like her list of things to do.)
Just curious here...do you help out much with the house/kids/chores etc.? Don't get me wrong here...I'm not jumping to the conclusion that you're a deadbeat or anything like that I've seen it happen with my own eyes (and been guilty of this myself) where women sometimes take on the role of "Super Woman" by unwittingly/unknowingly pushing their spouse away by constantly occupying themselves with household/family chores. Sometimes when they do this they don't even realize their husband is very willing to help out...but for some reason they don't let them. Does that make any sense to you?
First thanks for you guys replying...Here is some background info for you, we are married for 5 yrs have a 3 yr old and 15 month old twin boys. I am home all day with the kids while she is a work, while im home I clean, do was mow the lawn and the standard kids stuff dress feed play. Im sorry but what does this mean "Also, has your W been LD from the begining, or have things 'cooled off' at some point?" im mean the LD part. But when we want to try for kids sex was ok, and she still jokes or so I believe it is a joke that sex is for procreation only. That does not make me happy. As for time that she has for me is just always doing things for the house and the kids, we very rarely have juast our time. But an example is that even if I try to kiss her she give a friendly kiss not an I Love You kiss (in my mind). I know she does not like to talk about sex, I believe that she finds touching me a turn off. I have suggested asking her OB about the pill avamil just as an option, her response was "Im not taking Viagra". so hopefully this gives you some info, please let me know what else you want to know.
I am curious as to how she treated you while you two were "making babies". Was her attitude different? Was she more loving, smiling, etc?
Thanks, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
She was more into it. She seemed happier. Yes her attitude was better. I do believe that she still loves me. But she always thinks that thats all I want. I dont know what to do....
Quote: have a 3 yr old and 15 month old twin boys.
Just a thought here...But it's not unusual for a women's sex drive to wane after birth, especially if they are breast feeding. It can sometimes take a couple years. But, what do I know, I'm a guy and that's been my experience with wife and baby.
Maybe some of the mom's on this board can de-myth or confirm.
I am hearing you say, she considers "sex is for making babies" and you seem to have a houseful. Perhaps she believes just that. Is she avoiding sex for concern about pregnancy?? Even the thought of the amount of work involved with a pregnancy and child rearing might be enough for her (anyone) to avoid sex. How about the idea of a recreational activity, not just to procreate. I hope my LD wife would be more into the fun part of sex, after my vasectomy, but it was just another disappointment.
!0 months celibate, still think it it easier this way.
I've seen it happen with my own eyes (and been guilty of this myself) where women sometimes take on the role of "Super Woman" by unwittingly/unknowingly pushing their spouse away by constantly occupying themselves with household/family chores. Sometimes when they do this they don't even realize their husband is very willing to help out...but for some reason they don't let them. Does that make any sense to you?