hairdog, W is unhappy, mostly just with herself. And she is NOT going to give anymore than she has to. Everything will be turned around on you...as someone said in a previous post, her problems become your problems. One of your posts said that she will almost always say no when asked to ML. Now really...how much more insensitive can you get? And being intimate on SOME level is terribly important to sustaining a good R with someone...and twice a year is not normal. NOT. My friends who are in this predicament are not happy. My friends who have a mutually satisfying sexual R who meet in the middle are at the very least fairly happy, and no that does not mean they swing from the ceiling fan everynight...just normal stuff between them. She has a hangup about sex. She needs to understand that sex=intimacy for you. Perhaps she doesn't want to understand and is digging her heels in.
CE wrote: ------------- HD's wife wrote: I fear our marriage, no matter how good it is, will never be good enough for you, and neither will I.
How on earth does he answer this? My wife has said this to me probably a dozen times, and there seems to be something in the LD personality that goes basically like this: -------------
Here is your reply.
"I am sorry that you feel that you or your efforts will never be good enough for our marriage. I certainly do NOT feel that way. If you really do feel that way however, then let's either fix the relationship or call it quits. We are just spinning our wheels and getting nowhere otherwise."
You shouldn't need brass ones just to tell the truth.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: Corri's and CE's views will continue the adversarial relationship because Ms HD didn't say her point in just the right way or deal solely with your issues. She actually brought up some of her POV as well.
I can deal with some of her POV. I can even deal with all of her POV, so long as it's some of the time.
It's when she turns it into all her POV, all of the time, that I have a problem with it. Sometimes it needs to be okay to really be about me, and in my marriage, it never is.
Can't speak for Corri or HD, but HD's wife does sound almost exactly like mine in how she responds to an olive branch like the one he laid out for her.
You do not know what I have told my wife at those times, as I haven't shared a lot of it. As for Hairdog, he's shared just about all of it with us, it would seem, and his efforts seem to be getting nowhere with this same personality ("martyr") type.
I don't want to talk too much more about my sitch right here so as not to hijack his thread, but please don't assume that you know what I have -- or haven't -- told my wife.
Here is my question. Who wrote that first e-mail? Because it sure as h*ll wasn't the HD I know. It must have been someone who really doesn't know him well because even I could do better.
*****
Dear Ms.HD,
Today is Yom Kippur, I am not really religious but I was looking for an excuse to write you an e-mail so I could b*tch about our cr*ppy marriage. If you start f*cking me again very soon, I might be able to forgive you for not f*cking me in the past. However, I am very angry and our marriage will stay a "field of battle" until you make an effort to become more sexual.
Love (the kind that's separated from Hate by a thin line),
HD
I don't even know Ms HD but the subtext of her e-mail is:
Dear HD,
I won't change to fix the problem. I won't even acknowledge that there is a problem.
Right back at you,
Ms. HD
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: Corri's and CE's views will continue the adversarial relationship because Ms HD didn't say her point in just the right way or deal solely with your issues. She actually brought up some of her POV as well.
Quote: *chuckle* I think there is plenty of martyrdom going around in all corners.
CE wrote: ------------------- You do not know what I have told my wife at those times, as I haven't shared a lot of it. As for Hairdog, he's shared just about all of it with us, it would seem, and his efforts seem to be getting nowhere with this same personality ("martyr") type.
I don't want to talk too much more about my sitch right here so as not to hijack his thread, but please don't assume that you know what I have -- or haven't -- told my wife. -------------------
Not a problem, although my assumption is that you two are suffering from a lack of communication in your relationship, not necessarily what you have said to your wife or not.
I will discontinue any posting to you, or concern for your situation..
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
