Oh yeah. I did say that I had some October goals, didn't I?
Bets, it has been the craziest month of all throughout this process. Complicated and confusing are only two adjectives that I can use to describe this mess.
First of all, some OW residue resurfaced. Along with it, some more financial secrets and issues surfaced. I have to say that I have been struggling to stay fish sober, but did fire up the pan for a filet one night.
However, if this is to work (and I am not entirely sure that it will) I need to really focus here. I need to really work on personalizing his actions (well, more like NOT personalizing them) as well as focusing on the positves (even though they appear to be few and far between).
In the end, I hope to at least feel comfortable in my overall decision. That's about my only true overarching goal for the moment.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Okay, so now that you are dealing with some new surprises, I can imagine that you are just trying to maintain some equilibrium so you aren't thrown off the scale?
You knew I was going to ask you for the positives, right?
And I'm hoping in that short list is the hope that Sting is willing to help you overcome those fears when the surprises he springs on you knock you down?
Feeling comfortable with any decision is as good as it gets, sweetie. And you know you have me and Pam in your corner no matter what...
For what that's worth!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: can imagine that you are just trying to maintain some equilibrium so you aren't thrown off the scale
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Truthfully, I think that he is helping to the capacity that he is able to help (that in and of itself is a positve). He’s also facing a lot of muck, and while he’s certainly not proved to be the most honest creature on God’s earth – I do believe he’s trying to step up and do what he can.
The problem with that is simply that he can’t do very much. He’s so non-verbal that helping me through my own fears and tribulations seems to be the mission impossible for him. I need words - he has none. Rather like the infamous blood from a stone problem.
So, the positives:
We have plans together this weekend.
We’re addressing the financial problems together.
He actually apologized on his own last night – without me begging for it.
Those are all the positives that I’m feeling for right now, but each is pretty significant. I won’t list the negatives and counteract what I’ve just written. I need to focus on the positives, strictly.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Well, since you know me pretty well by now, I have to add a big
GO YOU
here!
I'm proud of you for not giving into the need to dwell on the less positive aspects of life with Mr. Ray. Awesome.
I may decide to do work tomorrow, but I do hope to check in during the day. I haven't asked my boss if he wants to fire me today, because I'm sure he might say yes...
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Bets 