My D thinks that bodily functions are funny also. I have been trying to tell her that is not that funny to burp and fart while we are at a resteraunt....
When we began working with my daughter about farting in public. At some point in time, we decided that the way to handle it was, if she slipped one out in public, she could just say "Excuse me".
That started out okay, but got warped to fit a 6 year old mentality.
We were sitting in a restaurant one day, and my daughter farted. No problem, kids do this. All of a sudden, our hard work came to fruition as my daughter looks around the room and yells "EXCUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEEE". Then with a real sense of accomplishment, returns to eating. This behavior was repeated quite a few times in various places such as grocery stores and church.
My wife finally convinced her to do it quietly :-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: We were sitting in a restaurant one day, and my daughter farted. No problem, kids do this. All of a sudden, our hard work came to fruition as my daughter looks around the room and yells "EXCUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEEE". Then with a real sense of accomplishment, returns to eating. This behavior was repeated quite a few times in various places such as grocery stores and church.
Ok NOP, you broke me on that one. I'd been muffling my laughs all the way through the thread, but this one just brought me to tears because it got me laughing so hard...THANKS I needed it bad.
When we last left Hairdog, he had sent his W an email (following a weird midnight conversation about girlfriends and going bonkers) and she had replied somewhat nicely that we would have a talk this weekend (now last weekend) about emotional closeness. Against Corri's wishes, I had cut out a part of the email about not wanting to be celibate any more. Look back into pages 4-7 of this thread to find those messages, I am too tired to link to them.
Corri came back and said this about me leaving out the celibacy part of the email:
Quote: The second he brings up sex, she can say, "I thought you said this wasn't about sex? I thought we were talking about how emotionally disconnected you are feeling?"
Corri, can I just let you run my life from now on? She said almost exactly that. Let me back up and tell you how it happened.
We had a fairly pleasant weekend, and Sunday morning I asked if she was ready to talk about the email exchange. W: There's not much to talk about. Just spending time together helps me feel closer to you (Quality time?). H: Well, I wanted to talk about the fact that I feel you are pushing me away. Like when you move my hand away saying it is too hot. W: But that's just because it is too hot, that's nothing to do with emotional connection. (oh no...) H: Well, it does with me, because I want to be able to touch and be touched, and when I can't, that's when I feel emotionally disconnected. W: That's not why I move your hand. I'm just hot.
The conversation abruptly ended here, as DD3 woke up, and we gave her attention.
Later, I had to spend 2 hours on the phone with Dell because my CDROM drive is messed up. I got off the phone about 9:30, went into the kitchen, and said to my wife, who was in the living room, watching TV, "I read something on CNN about ..." W: can you wait? I want to hear this (motioning to tv). H: (quieter, but NOT mumbling) that's okay, it wasn't important. (It really wasn't, I was just making small talk and didn't realize she was so into the tv program). W: (LOUDLY) THAT'S what I'm talking about! Your sarcastic comments like that are what keeps me from getting close to you! Hairdog goes on washing a dish in the kitchen and, finished, starts to head downstairs. W: Where are you going? H: Downstairs to watch tv. I don't want to try to figure out what's going on halfway into this show. W: You asked me earlier for a list of things you do that pisses me off (no, I had asked her for a list of things that would make us closer), well, this is one of them. Sarcastic comments don't meke me feel closer to you. Put that on your list. H: Thank you.
After a while, I went to bed, and, predictably, she was still on the warpath when she came up. This is when I brought up the fact that, when I sent the email to her, I was talking about emotional closeness in all respects, and, as she knew, I need physical touch to feel emotionally close. That's when Corri's prediction came out and she said that line that every one of us HD's have heard repeatedly, "It's ALL about sex!"
She also told me to get out of HER bed, HER house, and threatened to move to her Mom's house (in another state) so that I couldn't file for divorce (which, frankly, I didn't understand...her best bet would be to file today, and get an order of protection, forbidding me to live in the house). She also picked up the phone, said she was going to dial 911 and tell the police that I was ABUSING her!
This, from a woman who cringes at other women who play the "victim" role. Gloria Steinem would be ashamed of her.
She actually did dial the phone (not 911, but some other number) and then quickly hung up. Then, she got the video camera because she wanted me to watch myself and how I was behaving.
Understand, that I was doing MAJOR HOM here. I was calm, not agreeing with her skewed view of reality, and not backing down...but I wasn't screaming, either. She was. I finally left the room and went to sleep elsewhere.
This morning, we had another short talk and I told her that I thought her 911 trick was despicable, that her perception of my comments that set her off as "sarcastic" was wrong, and that she had some kind of disconnect between her ears and her brain that sometimes made everything I said sound evil. I refused to back down, refused to admit I had done anything wrong. I told her that she had broken her promise to me that she would never call it "her" bed or "her" house; to which she said, "I was just trying to get you out of it!" I guess the ends justify the means?
This conversation also ended abruptly, when DD3 woke up (as a result of W's raised voice) and I refused to continue the argument in front of her.
I'm tired. Not much sleep last night. And I'm tired of dealing with her.
Corri - I wish I'd listened to you. In my attempt to be non-confrontational, I ended up screwing myself.
I really think there is little hope for happiness with this woman.
Hairy, Sorry the talk went so poorly. I agree that GS would have been ashamed at her, she was acting nutz!
All I can say is chalk this up to a learning experience. From now on, you know that you can never be nonconfrontational with her. Obviously she likes confrontation and was trying to bait you into a huge one, eh.
My take is that she absolutely knew what the convo was to be about--after all, she is the one who brought it up. But as I said before I think her motivation in bringing it up was not to talk about it and find a resolution but to get some reassurance that you were there for the long haul, despite her shortcomings.
When that was not forthcoming AND you had the nerve to ask for more, she blew.
And, hey, I know all about this tactic. You blow up and totally lose it and then the guy is consumed with rectifying your mood--the focus is completely off of what you were supposed to be talking about and it will not rest again there for some time.
I don't know where your mood lies this morning but I would be tempted to send another email (what's she gonna do--cut you off??!? ha ha ha ha ha) that says, I'm sorry I wasn't clearer on what it was that I intended to talk to you about. I thought it was clear since it was the morning after you asked me if I had a girlfriend. I wanted to talk about the lack of sex in our lives and what we can do about it. At the same time, I wanted to know what would make you feel closer to me. Do you think we can have this conversation sometime soon?
Thanks for giving me a laugh this a.m., HP (cut me off? )
I think your take was accurate. She refuses to own any responsibility in this relationship.
As for sending her another email, I'll have to wait until Corri chimes in. She is now the director and producer of my life. You're just a supporting actress, and you only appear on screen as words and a couple of still pictures.
Quote: Corri - I wish I'd listened to you. In my attempt to be non-confrontational, I ended up screwing myself.
Hairdog,
Considering her bizarre behavior, do you really think that if you had just phrased that e-mail differently (to include the "celibate" part), it would have made a difference?
Don't beat yourself up . . . she obviously has major issues, and I really doubt that Hemingway could have penned the e-mail appropriately considering her mood.
Talk about your "disproportionate response" . . .
I'm sorry you had such a crappy weekend, bro, I really am.
dude, sorry to hear the major freak-out session. Does your wife often behave that way? Not knowing any better, I'd want to say that she blew a major fuse there. Abusing her? Getting the vid so you can see yourself? Seems a bit off the deep end to me. Then again, I don't know the woman.
I think you did awesome by keeping your cool while she was ranting, and trying to calmly continue the next day. Maybe written/electronic communication would be better for ya'll?
Sorry, I'm not sure what to tell you. I know what I would do in reaction to what you went through - but that would not be very helpful to you. So the best I can do is tell you to stay true to yourself, and do what's best for your kids.
The differentiation song:
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Linkin Park
She said almost exactly that. Let me back up and tell you how it happened.