It’s been awhile since I posted, I’ve been reading and enjoying everyone’s in-sights and efforts to better their lives. I’ve learned a lot and I first want to think everyone here.
My story (details are in the forum somewhere) but could easily be the same story posted here everyday. Just change the names and you’re there. I’ve been working on this issue for years but don’t feel I’ve made much progress. She says she’ll read SSM but never does, she’ll agree that things need to change but never takes any kind of action to help make the changes. However, interesting events have occurred and I really need some of your sage advice on how to handle.
The W started reading romance novels, something she’s done in the past but hasn’t had time for in the last few years. I find them rather funny but she finds them a real turn on. Now that’s not a bad thing. It’s resulted in some of the most arousing LM we’ve ever had (although the frequency is still every 6-8 weeks) and for the first time ever she’s reached O during “the act”. This is all uplifting (no pun intended) to me since I’d given up on her really experiencing the “throes of passion”.
Last night she woke me up to initiate LM (at 1 am, she’d been reading again) and we made out for a while but I just couldn’t do it. While I have the good excuses of a very taxing workout, there was something else. When she reads these novels she becomes this person and in effect falls in love with the character. The more I thought about this the more it bothered me. Isn't this is like an EA?
Ironic, she starts to feel the things in LM I’ve wanted for her and it' for a fictional character and not me.
Am I over-reacting? Or should I go buy more novels and enjoy the fringe benefits?
You've got a lot of nerve coming here and telling us your story, Fabio.
I don't know what to tell you, lackn. For a humorous take on it, you might read this. But I bet you're not willing to let your hair grow long and blond.
That's a great link, I sent it to the W, she'll enjoy it. thanks.
I'm leaning toward the book of the month club. Although I need to enroll her in a speed reading class. Those books are huge and take a couple of days to get through. While once every 6-8 weeks is better than the past (2x year, maybe) it's still not quite what I need. I wonder how books on tape would work? Give her some headphones...
To me, there is little difference between you getting all hot and bothered over a playboy and then hopping into bed with her and jumping her bones. Something tells me she'd be highly offended at that scenario.
My philosophy is that I want H's sexual energies to be inspired by and directed towards me, and vice versa. Now I know that we are all sexual beings and not every ounce of his sexual energy will be inspired by me, but I am talkin in general here.
However, I think you might be able to tap into this. If she is turned on by reading erotica, then why not write her a story of your own? I think you have some great potential here in that she obviously HAS a sex drive but has trouble accessing it within the confines of marriage.
Yes it is nice to find out she's got a libido...I was wondering. I also have thought of the Playboy example I might bring it up, but the "guy" part of me says "why screw up a good thing?"
As far as me writing erotica? HAHA I'd need to be a million times more creative than I am. While I'm in a creative business (games) I'm the boring MBA in the group.
I wonder if there are any companies where you can have your and your spouses name inserted into a novel then printed I think I may have a new business venture.
I have a good friend who admits she and her hubby read steamy stories to each other as part of foreplay. She finds them online (not sure where). Maybe you could surprise your W some night and ask if *you* can read to *her*!
Quote: When she reads these novels she becomes this person and in effect falls in love with the character. The more I thought about this the more it bothered me. Isn't this is like an EA?
I wouldn't worry about it too much. I read romance novels sometimes as well as other erotic fiction. The sexual situations and characters in romance novels are very standardized and shallow. There isn't enough "character" in the male characters for your W to actually have an EA with one.
If I were you, I would read a couple romance novels to get an idea of the kind of sexual situation which your W probably fantasizes about. If she reads the kind of pot-boiler romances that have men like Fabio on the cover, she probably wants you to be quite forceful in your LM. If you have any sort of "inner pirate" bring him out. Try ripping her bodice, pinning her down or maybe even a little "lite" discipline. She doesn't want to have sex with Fabio, but she probably has a sexual preference for the sort of activities that are in these books.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Hmmm now that you mention it that jives with some of the things she's said. She doesn't like it when I ask her to kiss me (during LM) she wants me to tell her to kiss me.
Have to think about that one. I'm the type of guy that's bad with hints from women, you got to smack me upside the head a few times. Do I hear smacking in the distance?
The last time we ML my husband took the back of my head and brought me in for a kiss. OH man I swooned. (HD, your wife is so missin out on the finer pleasures of life, such as this) He usually does not do things like this so I was sure to praise him right then and there (wow, that was a great kiss!) as well as afterwards.
I know that advice from HDW's might not be the most useful thing to you, but my original point stands: She does have a libido and you just have to discover how to participate in it with her. (as opposed to simply being her outlet when she has herself all revved up over other things)
As far as the novels, I don't think they're all that big of a deal. What would creep me out is if the ONLY time she wants to ML is after reading these books...or if it appears that she is dependent on them in any way to get her going. And what do you mean you can't write anything creative? Come on, I'm not buying that. You surely have fantasies and could write one out, with her as the heroine.
I would love that but my H nixed it and used logic similar to ATLDave's wife when he protested that someone might find it someday.
I think I may have a new business venture.