Hi, all! My thread is locked, so I thought I would start a new one.
Tiny recap of the last month or so:
H's business raided by police, partner hauled off to (and still in) jail H makes firm decision to close business H enrolls full time in classes I lose my job H and I make a decision to relocate in three months
I welcome any and all questions on these events; I just don't want to try and tell the whole story of it all at once.
Here's the link to my last thread: The New Thread Hugs to all! Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I worked out this morning before I even showered and dressed. It was pretty rough, since I haven't exercised in a long time. I found myself really cranky, even after a long shower, and H noticed. We snuggled and had a talk that turned into kind of an intense R talk. We sometimes have them, and reframe what has happened between us, remind each other that we are different people now, with a different relationship.
I am adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom right now, and it is tough sometimes - partly because I feel a little less purposeful just caring for my son and my home (and my H when he's at home), and not going to work. It's also somewhat hard to accept that I have no money now to contribute to our expenses. This arrangement is temporary, and my choice, but it is still a transition, and it is tough sometimes.
No real life drama since that whole thing with H's partner. Some serious financial stress, but we always somehow manage to figure it out.
So, what are my goals for right now? Every new thread has to have goals, right? 1) Keep the structure and order at home as consistent as I can. Everybody seems happier when we have a general routine and stick to it. 2) Keep up the self-care activities: working out, going to IC, fun stuff like scrapbooking, family outings, etc. 3) Get involved with the MOMMYS group at church, and the weekly women's Bible study - not my usual thing, but it will help me be more social, I think. 4) Try to make an effort to smile instead of frown at my H - spread some sunshine at home!
Hugs to all, Myrrh
P.S. Congrats to Nev on #1! WOOHOO!
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I tried to give you a real response last night, but my poor IE browser got hijacked again by the virus last night. (It's a particularly annoying one...keeps changing my homepage and the page I'm viewing to pr0n sites. Two different anti-virus packages, a ton of registry editing, and some adjustments of my security settings seem to have finally taken care of it...)
Anyway, I'm sure the move will help both of you. I've found moving just to the other side of the city to be very helpful for me. Something very liberating about starting fresh somewhere new.
Quote: It's also somewhat hard to accept that I have no money now to contribute to our expenses.
H has had trouble with this one. Both of us have been inconsistantly employed since we got married. I got stuck in a career field that was hit hard by the problems with the economy. And, well...bartending isn't exactly the most stable of jobs.
So we've both been stressed about supporting/being supported. Just wanted to give you a little caution here...my grumpiness about my (lack of) job situation is part of the reason we started having so many problems. Of course, you're probably well aware to be careful of that. But I definately let my personal dissatisfaction affect H.
I'm glad to see you back here and posting! You've had a lot of trauma and change over the past couple months, and I'm really proud of you on how you've handled these life altering events.
Great goals and it looks like things are positive for you and your men. What's the latest on your hopeful move?
Big hugs to you, sweetie.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Bets and all- We are scraping by right now - H is in school and so am I on a very limited basis. The financial negotiations are in place as far as I know - the move is projected to be sometime in early December. I am really excited, but obviously with this being a new venture, nothing is set in stone as of yet. My position will be in Sales and Marketing, and H will be doing some IT-type stuff.
Life is honestly very quiet, and wonderful except for the ever-present financial worries. H and I are getting along well - we have been doing this new nightly thing where we go in our room around 11:30pm after Rhane is in bed, and we watch some TV - we don't just watch and tune each other out, we laugh, and joke around, wrestle, discuss, etc.It's time for us to just be a couple. Hopefully that's something we will be able to continue. Our conflict resolution is so much better than it used to be...we still disagree, but we are able to talk about it and negotiate. I am doing great puttering around the house - I keep busy, and am having a good time hanging out with the little guy. He is so much fun! I scrapbook, and read, and enjoy every last second of it. None of that weird cabin fever or discontent with life in general. I feel pretty good about things, even though money is tight.
More later, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Well, I am kind of sad right now. I am just sitting down and looking around as my life has settled down, and realizing that I don't really have many (if any) local friends left. I tried to schedule a lunch date with a friend, and she hedged and was evasive, and said she was really busy. Then I have called another friend who was really close, and she hasn't called back or picked up her phone in about a month. Honestly, I think it's because she recommended me for the job I got fired from, and I think she is angry at me because I let her down. I worked for her mom for a short time, and I left that job as well.
Honestly, folks, I feel like kind of a loser. It has nothing to do with my M, it is just sadness that while I and my life kind of fell apart, I lost people. I am joining a moms Bible study at church, and also one on marriage, so I am reaching out for some new friends. I just am sad for friendships that are gone now - is it normal to move beyond friendships?
Ick, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Quote: I am just sitting down and looking around as my life has settled down, and realizing that I don't really have many (if any) local friends left.
Ouch...I know that feeling... I lost some friends during the sep--they weren't good for my M. One in particular tried to hook me up with her cousin. I wanted to try to fix my M. I decided she wasn't much of a "friend" and had to drop her.
Quote: I just am sad for friendships that are gone now - is it normal to move beyond friendships?
Yes. I've found that I just don't relate to some people in the way that I used to. You've been through a lot, and of course that changes you. You probably don't see things in the same that you used to...I know I don't.
You got the right idea--just need to get out there. You'll make more in time.
I'm having an okay day so far. I rescheduled a dentist appointment for today, because I was really tired this morning and didn't feel like getting up early and driving 30 miles. H had a sculpture project due - a 12-inch tall coil-constructed pot for his Ceramics class. He was up until around 3:30 doing it. Our S2 woke up at 4 am crying, but went back to sleep after some hugs and a drink. I was struck last night by the utter peace in our living room.
I put S to bed, and H set up a new game for me to play - RPG, but not online, and he got started on his project. We talked every once in a while, but mostly there was just this quiet and comfortable silence. I had gotten everything done I needed to, and had my pajamas on. We were full from the new Jamaican Jerk chicken recipe I tried last night (it needs some sort of sauce - tasty but somewhat too dry). I gave him a kiss on the cheek before I headed to bed, and laid down.
I was just overwhelmed with this amazing peace when I laid down. I didn't have any huge anxieties, or terrible pain. I felt safe and content. I snuggled up under our comforter in our wonderful king-size bed, and fell asleep. I'm writing this mostly because I just want to remember it. Today we got a call from BIL - he is looking into buying a house from one of our friends, and wanted to know if Dustin would be willing to do some work with him on some houses. SIL wants me to maybe work with her selling jewelry, which would be nice because I would have some money. These are some good ways for us to ease our financial situation without complicating things too much.
Life is pretty good today. Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.