So here we are, the begining of another week, and the dawn of new challenges. In many ways, hope and expectations have risen, managing myself it going to be tricky
Hi KAW - You are absolutely right, it is a case of maintaining the slow pace. It does feel overwhelming sometimes, but hpefully the really tough part is over.
Quote: We had a brief chat about how he regretted the hurt all this has caused, and when I asked him if he regretted the affair, his response was he does not understand WHY the affair happened, and so how can he regret something he does not understand.
This reminds me of another "Piecer" who seems to fairly recently left the bb. Lisakate32 struggle for quite some time with the lack of remorse her H had about having an A ... until while driving down the road one day it finaly struck him so hard he had to pull over until he could regain his composure. It may take a while, but I wouldn't be surprised if NG out of the blue has a lightbulb moment just like that!
Well, of course I had to look up Lisakate 32 and have bumped up the most recent thread, now to go back and see what worked there - thanks so much KAW for pointing me once again in the right direction.
GBO - I will post the more relevant and less sensitive parts of that parting email.
In the meantime, it occured to me that the one thing that has kept NGs mind away from OW has been the new house. I think he feels like it is his chance to show me a lot of things.
When we were discussing the lease, he said to the agent 'My wife has her heart set on it, and though we have not sold the flat, I'm going to take this house' - this was possibly his way of 'cherishing'. Since moving in, the man has been relentless in tidying up around the place, hanging pictures, clearing the garden which is a bit of a forest etc. It feels like he has thrown himself into this house as a means of escape too.
Most evenings, we are so tired we sleep like the dead. Have been late getting up in the mornings, lots of and we both drag ourselves off to work, and come home earlier every day.
Just wanted to put this out there - strong distraction is important to help transition away from OP. I suppose in some ways, taking on a lease while we had a mortgage was a big 180 for me; financially I have been the careful, organised one. This just smacked of throwing caution to the wind
Slowly, that's a good observation, that the house is a good distraction (transition?) for NG from OW....and a transition for you in terms of being less controlled, more willing to take a chance. That whole routine sounds like a positive to me.
Yes, this is about taking chances. Ideally I'd like guarantees, but hey, a marriage certificate did not stop hurtful things happening...
We are not quite done with the insides yet, and far from done on the outside. Guest room has just the bed in it, our bedroom needs curtains, the blinds we inherited are in tatters, and so the list goes on. But, it has been fun, and as it is a much bigger place, we are entertaining a lot more, which is also helpful in keeping us occupied.
Yesterday was a little strange. I sensed NG was pre-occupied and broached the matter with him. Sure enough he wanted to chat about how things were towards the end of contact with OW - how the differences in lifestyles between her and him became more and more of an issue. Nothing heavy, I just sensed that he needed to chat, and if I was not there, he may well have picked up the phone to her
This is something I am still struggling with. Tomorrow I am out of town overnight for a client meeting. My fear is that NG will get together with OW. My away trips last year were the times they met for dinner etc... Ouch.
So, the journey continues. I need to dig deeper it seems to embrace the tribulations of yet another phase.
I'm still in a bit of a slump, no word from NG for 3 hours, it is resuscitating nightmares of when he'd go off for a session with OW I need to snap out of this tendency to borrow trouble...
In the meantime, I've been re-reading his email, trying to see if there is anything I have missed.
Quote: I wanted to discuss what you and I had talked about over the last emails and calls, this is what I want to do now. Numerous attempts in the past have failed, I really want this to work.
The important element, as NG said to me, is that he use the terms 'I want' in positioning moving on. And yes, I had expressed some cynicism (whack me) about what would be different this time when there had been several 'endings' before
Quote: Slowly and I have never harboured secrets or lived a false life, of convenience, or be taken for granted, we have tremendous love for each other, its by choice, and you have seen this, I want this to continue without the encumbrances and duality, which you too agree and feel today .... you recall I mentioned we do live in each others pockets, please understand that it was never for the lack of a loving relationship with Slowly that I started the relationship with you, for the heart and emotions we shared, and we both know that this needs to end.
There always was, and will be my undying love for Slowly, more today than ever before, its important for both Slowly and you to understand that.
Still gives me goosebumps when I read this part
Quote: The talks we had about ending it over the last few weeks have I guess materialised, and that I too want to start a new chapter with clarity and conviction, and start to rebuild the trust and innocence that has been lost in my life.
I want to believe this, and I know NG wonders how we are going to regain lost innocence
Quote: Slowly is a very gentle, kind and loving person to a fault, and would not want to hurt you, and I hope you do not feel bitterness or resentment towards her, there has been no conspiracy or a desire to hurt anyone, but the acceptance of reality, have the courage to learn form this that trust, love and patience is very important to live a fulfilling and loving life, and the love I have for her and she has for me is how life should be lived, with an open heart, to be shared and seen by all and cherished by the few whom you can trust, with dignity and integrity.
Even though OW entered this relationship as a consenting adult, she apparently maintains that NG and I conspire to hurt her. I guess there are many perspectives
Quote: if you have anything to say, then feel free to share as your closing words.. then good bye..
I really, really hope this was the end. It has been a week, early days yet. The path continues to pitted with rocks and holes, we really need each other now.
Guys I could use your perspectives on how you see this email, and what you think NG and I need to watch out for as we try to rebuild.... Slowly
Slowly 
Slowly 
I need to snap out of this tendency to borrow trouble...