I took a short vacation to decide where I wanted my life post-marriage to go. XH and I have been divorced for about two months now and I felt a rehaul of my life was in order. I took the time to decide what I want out of MY existance, and have come back with some new and interesting ideas.
I ask myself daily if I want to continue to try and DB for my "marriage" (yes, even though we're divorced) and come up with the answer daily that as long as I can still say with absolute certainty that I LOVE this man, I will not give up the hope that we may rebuild a relationship together.
The problem I'm having is that XH is confusing the living daylights out of me, as so many WAs do. His words don't match his actions and his actions don't match his words; we've all seen it.
Here's the list, someone help me figure out what's going on?
GOOD STUFF:
-XH calls me and invites me over to watch TV and share ice-cream, etc.
-He tells me "the door is open, go ahead and let yourself in when you get here"
- We've spent the past 4 nights together "hanging out" (I think this should count as two or three, it's so huge. )
-I had a headache the other day and XH noticed my subdued mood. He asked me several times if I was okay, and even smoothed my hair off my forhead in a tender way.
-There have been several good, deep conversations about our former M where I listened quietly, validated his feelings and coaxed him into feeling comfortable speaking his true feelings with me.
-XH is friendly with me, funny, and seems to enjoy spending time with me. The time we share is fun and fulfilling.
-XH has initiated physical relations twice, although I only allowed it once and he was okay with backing off the other time. Yep. The sparks are still there.
-We kiss on the lips (more than just quick pecks) when we say good bye.
THE BAD:
-XH continues to let his friends think he wants nothing to do with me. They know nothing of the time we spend together and would probably have a heart attack if they knew.
-XH's friends come before spending time with me, even if we have pre-arranged plans to hang out.
-XH continues to ignore me at fire department functions (we're on the same department, but different engines) and act chilly toward me when he has to speak to me at all (almost as if he's afraid of how the other members will judge him for being nice to his ex-wife, but that's an ASSumption on my part).
-When the friend XH shares his cell plan with accidentally found out I had XH's phone number, XH had him get the number changed it so I couldn't call (so his friends can't find out we're having contact?). The note with the new number said that XH should be careful who he gives the new number to and if I show up at XH's house, he should call the police, "no playing around" (I don't want to ASSume, but I guess the friend found out I had the number by accident and to save his own butt, XH made it look as though I was bothering him, to save face).
Any input, thoughts? When we're together, it really seems to me like there are so many baby steps toward reconnecting. Is the behavior with his friends the backward steps we all hear about? How do I handle this?
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