It has been 1 month since my husband informed me that he did not love me like a wife anymore, he had no more romantic feelings for me etc.. He says that there is still a part of him that loves me but it is such a small part right now. Let me start from the beginning and I will try to not make it so long. We both grew up in fairly strict religious households we were both the others first real love and we got married when I was 20 and he was 21, we had never had sex before we were married with each other or with anyone else. About 6 years ago I started and EA which turned physical one time, I was hurt that I would do such a thing to my husband and my family and I vowed to keep it to myself as my husband always told me that he would leave me if I ever cheated on him. He found out that something had happened about 1.5 years ago and confronted me and told me that if I told him the truth he would forgive me because he had given it a lot of thought and he loved me, I sucked it up and told him and I thanked god that he forgave me, he was upset and hurt and I tired to do what I could to console him, he said he would probably have to talk t someone to get through it and we would be OK, he never talked to anyone. Our daughter was about 1 year old at the time. I Knew when what I did was bothering him and I would try to be sensitive when I realized it, but never once in the past 1.5 year did he ever say he did not think he would be able to make it through and forgive me. We even spent 6K in April to go away for our 10th Anniversary which is tomorrow, he did not all of a sudden stop wanting sex etc, then on the 4th of July weekend he dropped the bomb that he thought he could forgive me but can’t and that is the only reason why he wants to leave is because I cheated n him. He said he had been unhappy for a long time but he would have stuck it out but he would not stick it out for cheating anymore. About 2 weeks before this I noticed he started acting a little weird, wanting to get his nipples pierced, wanting to go out with the guys on work nights, doubting his spiritual faith and values and drinking a lot, I joked that it must be his midlife crisis 10 years early and then all of this happened. He maintains that he needs his space to see what he wants, he is till at home but in the other room, he has taken off his wedding ring, he goes out at all hours of the night and dos not ever call me to tell me where he is or when he is coming home, to me I am just his room mate now. He said that over the past 1.5 years he has been trying to convince himself that he still loves me and he decided to stop trying to convince himself. One minute he thinks he wants to stay and work things out the next minute he cant wait to leave, I never know how to act toward him from day to day. He says he wants to move out but will stay until he saves his money to do so(which wont be anytime soon because he drinks it all away all week), he does have second thoughts about us and says things like” What If I get out there and realize that I really want you and then your not there anymore” He is confused beyond belief and I just don’t understand where it came from all of a sudden, I did find out that he met a girl around the time he started feeling like this but he said it is just a coincidence. HE has agreed to go to marriage counseling together and he even admitted that he does not know if he wants to forgive me or not. He says he is not giving up on us but he just needs time alone. He said he will not see this other girl until we do counseling for a while. To make matters worse he has been diagnosed with severe depression and has been told he has had it for years on top of which he has been on and off steroids for over a year also. I just started ready DB and I hope to be able to implement it in this next month before H moves out and see what it does. I just wanted to see if anyone has any words of encouragement or if anyone thinks this sounds like MLC or if it sounds like he really wants our because of my affair 6 years ago? I Love him so much and I K now there is still a part of him that loves me I just need to help him find it.
first alot of people are going to tell you it sounds like an mlc and sure from a glance it does but I woulnd't jump into that basket just yet.
So you had an a kept it hidden (did h know of the ea part?) h then confronts you, you fess up he's struggling, your struggling and all hell seems to have broken loose.
You're not going to find any magic bullet to fix it all..it's going to take a lot of hard work, patience and faith and even then things might not change.
For now I would simply be there for him and allow him the space he needs to figure things out.
I understand and I know he has said apart of him wants to work on it and I am trying to giv ehim his space. I dont ask to do anything I wait for him to invite me which has seemed to work for now. THe thing that gets me so upset is taht he never said aword to me abut how he felt for 1.5 years and I would outright ask him how he was feeling if he needed anything if he needed to talk etc..he would just say he would get through it when it bothered him.
it's a common thing for these thoughts to seem to apear out of the blue and I'd imagine even more so for men (us women tend to want to share our thoughts, feelings while men tend to want to work it out on their own)
I didn't have an a (my h did) but for well over a year before my h dropped the bomb I asked him if he was happy, if this was how he thought things should be etc and never once did he claim to be anything but satisfied until poof he suddenly hadn't been happy for years.
Things have a way of working themselves out. Have patience.
I have been trying to DB the best I can and act "as if" My H has been telling me all along that the only reason he wants to leave me is bec. he cannot forgive me for an affair I had 6 years ago, when he found out 2 years ago he said he forgave me but now all of a sudden 4 weeks ago he changed his mind, I know that there is more to it and if you are familiar with my story then there is plenty proof of that, but today my husband actually called me at work and told me that he was going to try and forgive me for what I did, he did not know how or if it would work but he was going to try,he realized that it is not good to be carrying that around with him, I almost fell off my chair, he has been telling me for a month that he cannot and will not forgive someone who cheated on him period and he did not know if he even wanted to be with me anymore and he did not love me anymore. Wht a 180 that was for him, maybe the DBing, counseling and his depression meds are starting towork, please keep praying for me, I hope he truly means this!! Any words on what to do now, I don't want to blow this
