Yours is the 2nd correspondence that I have seen over the past weekend where I went back several times to see if it was a joke or a dream or something else real...
At the risk of sounding really dumb, I'm going to go for it here.
I hate to say it but your H's response to this whole shebang sounds an awful lot like something I used to do. Yes, it's crazymaking... and I used to make outrageous statements to pick fights so that the other person could poke at me long enough for me to get out some reason I was feeling [XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX] whatever I was feeling. (Lonely, fearful, angry, guilty??? You name it)
What else is going on with him that he would feel the need to jump from one extreme to another? Look beyond the obvious? You guys have been smooth sailing for so long now and he has given you no indicator that he's been heading in another direction.
Bad news from school? Something that is making him fearful?
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Ah, Betsey...I think you hit the nail on the head..
Quote: Something that is making him fearful?
My h found out 3 years ago he has a chronic kidney ailment. At the time of his A and the bomb he was in a lot of pain. It got a lot better over the last two years -- it only occasionally flares up -- but it seems like it's been bad the last few days..
******* OK -- sorry for the total freak out, everyone. I asked h to look at my resume for school and after I handed it to him he apologized, said he didn't want a D, said he couldn't imagine living without me.
He also said "would you help me?" but didn't elaborate on what that exactly meant.
We had some more tender words.
God. What a mess. Or, what a stepping stone...
Thanks for the rallying around me, folks.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'm sorry that you had such an awful night/am and I'm sorry that I wasn't around for you.
I can totally relate as this is how my H would often react to something I had said or done...."I want a D!" I dont' know why they do this but I think you handled yourself beautifully. You didn't react or argue with him.
Quote: God. What a mess. Or, what a stepping stone...
I read somewhere on the bb that things happen at the right time for a reason and that a crisis is often a breakthru. So, this MAY very well be a stepping stone. You have been wondering about his on-line habits for a while and had never said anything. Sometimes we get to the point where we just have to "get it out" or "act out" a little to get it out of our system and move on.
Quote: My h found out 3 years ago he has a chronic kidney ailment. At the time of his A and the bomb he was in a lot of pain. It got a lot better over the last two years -- it only occasionally flares up -- but it seems like it's been bad the last few days..
I'm sorry that your H is not feeling well and that perhaps he took it out on you. But, it's wonderful how he came back, apologized and asked for your help.
You are both under a lot of stress....work, school, DB'g, re-building a M, baby-talk, illness.....its' only normal for one (or both) to wig out a bit from time to time.
Hi Sage, I'm glad things have cooled down! I just wanted to point out something that might help see things from your H's POV.
Your post from 9/22/04: Got a wonderful e-mail from h yesterday AM where the final line was "I'm so happy being married to you". That seems like it's worth multiple positives, no?? It was just so darned nice to hear...and I made sure to mention it to h last night. I brought him some food home from the restaurant and we hung out on the couch talking about school, work, sport etc. We were both really snuggly...kind of draped all over each other sitting on the couch...and he was very verbal -- said "I really love you" at one point...it was a positives packed day!
Fast forward to last night where you insinuate he's hiding something from you.
I know you see this Sage, and you're wrestling with past hurts & fears & wanting to understand more about the hows & whys of the EA, so I am not really saying anything new here. Only that I can understand his frustration in the moment - feeling that no matter what he does, it will never be enough. Do you see that hanging on to those fears ends up making him feel like you are negating his thoughts & feelings that he has expressed such as "I'm so happy being married to you". ?
I very much see this as a stepping stone - for both of you.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate you guys!