Me-32 H-32 together 16 years, married 5 S-10 Cat-12
Hi, everybody! I haven't been around in a while because my PMA has been down. My H has been running back and forth from our home to wash clothes, have dinner if I cook, spend time with son, watch son in our house when I am not home. HE feels free to sleep in our bed and go thru my things.
I wouldn't dare go to MIL's and I do have a key to go thru his things or sleep in his bed!!!!! He would have a baby!
Finally, after 5 mos of this behavior and Ml 1-2 times a week. SOmetimes after Ml he will be mean and when we get around family members he acts like nothing is going on between us! WTF
Finally I get fed up and set boundaries visit S @ moms, Get him every other weekend, no in and out, no washing your clothes here, call before you come. He says Let's D, we can go to a L together. I said, I will not go w/u. YOu make decision best for the family . That was 2wks ago.
I found out there is OW by snooping. I know 2x4. I accessed his cell bill online. It is atleast an EA possible PA. He of course denies it. She is just a friend.........ok. If she is just a friend how come I never heard him mention her nname in a friendly manor. He met her when he took a realestate class. The woman use to call my house! Anyway that is neither here nor there. I haven't bought it up in about 2-3 wks. He keeps making references to me having a boyfriend. I guess that is guilt and trying to justify his behavior.
He had a PA about 1.5 years ago. He never really showed a lot of remorse. He said he was orry and it was because he was not getting enuff Sex. It was in other words my fault. I held it in and never talk to anyone about it. Then summer 03, I start going out and enjoying myself and get involved in an EA. He suspected something but could never prove it and I never admitted it per C. It seems while he was trying to woo me back he was already talking to OW and she was nursing his wounds being manipulative and now he is seeing her. SHe is probably the reason he left home. He keeps giving me all of these dumb excuses that don't add up! TOO LITTLE TOO LAte = there is someone else! It is never too late when there is no one else involved. HOw did he go from wanting to have another child in Aug. to TOO LITTLE TOO LATE in Dec.? It is because there is someone else. He will never admit it though. I am at my wits end.
My other thread is in Piecing. It called what next? I don't know how to link threads.
Are boundaries pushing him closer to OW? He would be w/her if he wants to anyway...right. HElp please!!!!!!!!!!
6/4/04 Ok...boundaries in place for 6wks...........It seems like a long time. I guess it took him more than 6wks to decide to leave, HUh? It Will take longer than 6 wks to come back home..Arghhhhhh
I invited him over on son's Bday. He had dinner w/us and stayed and watched TV until midnite.
No ML for 6 wks.
Boundaries are still in place. Any ideas on how to ease up on boundaries without making it look like I am not pursuing ?
OK....so he is calling a lot more. He is asking what's up w/me. Finding any reason to ask a question or call me at work or home(strange hours of the night).
Boundaries Making Changes and I am loving the new me
Last thread was Boundaries. I don't know how to link. I will figure it out!
Me-32 H-32 together 16 years, married 5 S-10 Cat-12
Hi, everybody! I haven't been around in a while because my PMA has been down. My H has been running back and forth from our home to wash clothes, have dinner if I cook, spend time with son, watch son in our house when I am not home. HE feels free to sleep in our bed and go thru my things.
I wouldn't dare go to MIL's and I do have a key to go thru his things or sleep in his bed!!!!! He would have a baby!
Finally, after 5 mos of this behavior and Ml 1-2 times a week. SOmetimes after Ml he will be mean and when we get around family members he acts like nothing is going on between us! WTF
Finally I get fed up and set boundaries visit S @ moms, Get him every other weekend, no in and out, no washing your clothes here, call before you come. He says Let's D, we can go to a L together. I said, I will not go w/u. YOu make decision best for the family . That was 2wks ago.
I found out there is OW by snooping. I know 2x4. I accessed his cell bill online. It is atleast an EA possible PA. He of course denies it. She is just a friend.........ok. If she is just a friend how come I never heard him mention her nname in a friendly manor. He met her when he took a realestate class. The woman use to call my house! Anyway that is neither here nor there. I haven't bought it up in about 2-3 wks. He keeps making references to me having a boyfriend. I guess that is guilt and trying to justify his behavior.
He had a PA about 1.5 years ago. He never really showed a lot of remorse. He said he was orry and it was because he was not getting enuff Sex. It was in other words my fault. I held it in and never talk to anyone about it. Then summer 03, I start going out and enjoying myself and get involved in an EA. He suspected something but could never prove it and I never admitted it per C. It seems while he was trying to woo me back he was already talking to OW and she was nursing his wounds being manipulative and now he is seeing her. SHe is probably the reason he left home. He keeps giving me all of these dumb excuses that don't add up! TOO LITTLE TOO LAte = there is someone else! It is never too late when there is no one else involved. HOw did he go from wanting to have another child in Aug. to TOO LITTLE TOO LATE in Dec.? It is because there is someone else. He will never admit it though. I am at my wits end.
My other thread is in Piecing. It called what next? I don't know how to link threads.
Are boundaries pushing him closer to OW? He would be w/her if he wants to anyway...right. HElp please!!!!!!!!!!
6/4/04 Ok...boundaries in place for 6wks...........It seems like a long time. I guess it took him more than 6wks to decide to leave, HUh? It Will take longer than 6 wks to come back home..Arghhhhhh
I invited him over on son's Bday. He had dinner w/us and stayed and watched TV until midnite.
No ML for 6 wks.
Boundaries are still in place. Any ideas on how to ease up on boundaries without making it look like I am not pursuing ?
OK....so he is calling a lot more. He is asking what's up w/me. Finding any reason to ask a question or call me at work or home(strange hours of the night).
1. h calls a lot more. I am always 1st to end convo. I only return calls I don't initiate them.
2. h snooped and looked at my cell phone bill.
3. H asked to ride with me to Villanova to take S to football camp. While we were riding H bought up lhim not having good listening skills. I said, well that's ok and was ready to continue and he cut me off and said, I guess I need to work on that.
4.H still refers to me as his W. The landscaper was pruning some trees and asked H a question. I heard him say let me ask my W.
5. I had a little tiff with one of my male neighbors and talked about it with H. H said, the next time a man approaches you, you tell him you should talk with my H. I don't want anybody thinking you are alone or they can nit pick because I am not there???????????????
6.While S was away at Villanova , H called to ask if I wanted the lawn mowed. I said, Sure. He said, Saturday. He didn't show up Saturday and I paid someone to do it. He was dropping S off and said, who mowed the lawn and H said, I told mommy I would do it because I don't want her wasting her money . She is so hard to get in touch with? At one time he told me to find someone to mow the lawn cause he won't be doing it anymore.
7.I text him to have a lgood day and he made sure he called me and thanked me for that text. He called the next day and said, he had come by the previous day to get a copy of S's camp schedule but I wasn't home. I said, you should have called 1st.
8.He told me while we were at S's basketball game Tuesday that he got me a AAA membership for the next year. Is that a sign of future attachment?
9.No for 3 mos and then he text me with a proposition! I made him wait a week but I did give in. This is the 1st time he initiated a text message. We went back and forth for about 2 hrs. It was fun! Is the proposition a good thing or a bad thing? Is it ok to keep the going or let it go?
Ok now everything seems to be flowing along but yesterday H got wind that I had some fees on our Blockbuster membership and was irritated. I apologized and paid the fees.
Paying bills on time is a sort spot betweem me and him. I have made serious strides in this area as well as others. I know that he noticed the changes because we have a timeshare and paytment comes traight from his account and he use to bug me for the money a kweek before hand but he stopped because I always give it to him b4 due date now. It just seems as soonas we lmake some progress something happens to make him feel like she isn't changing.
Our other issue that goes hand in hand with the late bill paying is I use to lie about bills and other small stuff because I thought that I had to in order to stay in good standing with H. I have issues with acceptance and feeling like I am still likable with my shortcoming. I am currently working on this in IC.
My grandfather that raised me was very judgemental so I use to lie to not be judged and it carried over into my adulthood with H. H too is very judgemental and made me feel not good enuff so I would lie to be accpeted.
Is it ok to sit him down and explain why I did these things because he has a hard time beliving me because of the lies he has caught me in. I am working very hard to not lie and be open and honest with H.
Can I say something like can we make a pact that if I am honest about making a mistake you don't come down on me so harsh. I just want to be honest without being made to feel like an idiot for bad choice or an honest mistake.
I once opened his mail and he found out. He now thinks whenever a piece of mail is missing or doesn't come on time ,I did something and doesn't believe me when I say I had nothing to do with it.
I hate the fact that I feel like every mistaoke I make is going to be the 1 that makes him file for a divorce. I hate living under a microscope!
I sent H a text message on 7/15. He text messaged me @ 2am this morning saying thank u.
Instead of being glad that he took time to reply I am wondering what he was doing up that time of nite. Was h just getting in? Was H just getting off of the phone? I am such a crzymaker! HElp111
It is interesting to see what you wrote about lying. That is my H to a "T." I never knew he lied, ever!! Until 2 yrs. ago. Now, I am stunned at the magnitude of his lies, big ones and little ones.
I am very upfront and don't feel the need to lie. I have tried really hard to make my H feel safe and not feel the need to lie to me. He admits being this way his whole life. His father use to tell him he was disappointed in him and that is all it took to want to seek everyones approval and thus lie.
H says that he is working on that but I wonder if he will ever be able to change that part of his personality.
for 3 mos and then he text me with a proposition! I made him wait a week but I did give in. This is the 1st time he initiated a text message. We went back and forth for about 2 hrs. It was fun! Is the proposition a good thing or a bad thing? Is it ok to keep the 
