Thanks for the reply. I think my W put money on a place today and she started her new job today. It will be a relief when she moves. I worry about my children and I am worried she will try to take them. I am afraid that I will have to do some legal stuff but I don't want it to be so bad that we cannot work things out later (not that it isn't that bad right now). I think you have something about their heads spinning. Did anyone notice if our Ws watched the Exersist just before they dropped the bomb? Maybe that is the reason they are so crazy. Just a thought.
I will go back and read your post again. I have a feeling that my W is up to something but I don't know what. She keeps saying she wants to be fair but I don't believe her. I think I am also going to give her the rope and let her do the work. Right now she is hooked up with this young guy whose behavior in my house has been less than appropriate. In fact it has been downright dangerous. I also think he has a record. I am keeping good notes and my attorney knows the what is going on. I also think staying is putting me further from us working things out, but I have learned that no matter what I do, it doesn't matter. Thanks again.
Quote: Today I feel like a pathetic salmon swimming upstream against the cultural torrent of infidelity and self-gratification.
That is exactly what you should feel like because that is what you are...and that is what makes you special.
Just remember that the ones swimming downstream rarely make it to the "Animal Planet" commercial where you see the bear effortlessly grab the one salmon fruitlessly trying to jump back over a small waterfall. The ones swimming downstream all have happy little fish smiles because they are saved from the bear, plus, they are on their way to meet up with OM/W (or OF - other fish) . But...the good news is, the bear represents our higher power snatching the lone salmon out of that sea of moral bankruptcy and into salvation (represented by the bears merciless gnashing of our little fish body between his powerful jaws)...and then digesting us to complete the circle of life.
But...since you are an attorney (aka: SHARK), you kick the bears a$$ and convince a large majority of the doomed salmon to follow you back upstream for some genuine mating and cross-breeding. That would make the offspring....shalmon! ...and they grow up to be successful, benevolent lawyers practicing under the "Shalmon and Sterling" banner somewhere in the hudson, just east of the 42nd street pier.
Hi Merrick - I've not posted on your thread before, though often tried to catch up with the drama. I'm sorry W has yet to wake up. I wish I had something more constructive to add to the mix here
For what its worth, you come across as one of the most amazing dbers, not really giving up even in the face of such hostility. Your kids are very, very lucky to have a dad like you.
Merrick--I just want to say what a great job you have been doing and you are so amazing!! I used to be anitasues and I have been keeping track of you and you really have been such an inspiration!!! I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, such I was a walk away. My ex and I do things as a family on sudays for our dauthers sake. I know it must be extremely hard for you but tink my ex just tucks his feelings for me away and the hurt is taken away by the joy he sees in my daughter's eyes when we do things as a family. I wish I could be more help to you, best of luck to you
So much for great jobs. In the nobody's perect department, I had a minor backslide yesterday.
One of the things I really need to correct is impulsive thinking in front of the kids. Last weekend at the shore when the kids asked me to stay, I said I might be able to visit last night after my game in Philly. I immediately realized this was probably not a good idea and backtracked--but you can't plant seeds in a child's and think they'll go away. So the kids kept asking me all week if I was coming and I told S10 I didn't think it was possible and that W may not keen on the idea (bad, bad, bad move--even though he is significantly aware of what is going on). In any event, unbeknownst to me, the kids kept asking W if I could come all week--putting her in the position of the bad guy if she said no.
After a great game in Philly (saw a triple play!) and visit with a good DC friend, I was heded back to NY when S10 calls on the cell phone and askes if I can come. This pulled on my heartstrings and rather than just saying, "No," I said maybe and needed to check with W. W was reasonably calm and expressed her view of the spot she was put in, and as we tried to figure out what to do (she was more than willing to have me come and not "deny the kids their father," and she would go some palce else when I arrived. I was the one who turned the convo negative by asking whether her running off when I arrived was really good for the kids--although I said I'd prefer not being around her and W questioning my negativity when she was being flexible (which she was). I noted that this is where our M has left us -- negotiating what is best for the kids from two different perspectives, and I said that no matter what, I would do what's best to protect my kids--with or without her. She took this as a threat against her motherood and we digressed from there as she questioned where all my anger came from. I told her that I was not angry, but upset that about the sitch with our kids and I had a right to be upset about the circumstances that affected not only us, but them. As the hour was getting late with bad traffic -- I decided to bag the visit.
This morning, when I called the kids, I asked to speak to W and thanked her for being so cooperative in very difficult circumstances last night--and we left it at that.
I am in the same boat as you. If I am home, then she stays away. The hard part is, I don't want to leave because she brings her "friend" over and I don't want him around the kids. She thinks I am pushing her away from the child but that is really her choice. I am fine when she is here and I wish she would play with us or at least sit while we played. It was nice to be a family and that is what I miss. Mine thinks I am telling the kids stuff about her, the kids just know. They still love their mother very much and I am sorry she feels she needs be stay away because of me. They get up in the night looking for her and she is not home. I just tell them that she needs mommy time. I also know that she loves those boys very much. I also feel that I am in a position where the children need to be protected and she doesn't see it. She has always been a smart, and practical women, but I am wondering if they did not use silicone for her breasts, but rather brain matter. Heck, I married her because she was smart and had it together. What happened?
I think you recovered great by thanking her for being so cooprative. You teach us all a good lesson around here.
Everybody backslides. We just a normal human being. Don't be too hard on yourself. I am sorry that your W does not want to see you when you visited the kids. She still have a lot of resentments toward you.
I have also backslided big time. Had a R talk yesterday after finding out that my W lied to me about where did she go on Sun morning.
YOu are doing very well try to recover the situation. I hope your W can consider your kids' feeling and forget this incident.
. But...the good news is, the bear represents our higher power snatching the lone salmon out of that sea of moral bankruptcy and into salvation (represented by the bears merciless gnashing of our little fish body between his powerful jaws)...and then digesting us to complete the circle of life. 
Bets