No Crying Game sitch tonight with Jennifer and H2H--although I have to say that even after a few glasses of wine, these gals are a bit more tame then Betsey was in Denver !!!
Jennifer was aglow in her DBing success--and while she has a long way to go, the less successful (R-wise) H2H and I believe that she is in the best possible position she could be in today to succeed. And if I were (still) a betting man, I'd have to bet that Jen and S have as good a chance as any of us. H2H and I still need some work on our drawing boards.
The only downside for me was that I left my cell phone in my briefcase and couldn't get hold of my kids--but I'll speak to them in the morning and there's nothing wrong with a little mystery. And given that my FIL usually stops by to check on our pool and my car was not there (left at garage for oil change), he'll have something to ponder about conveying to W.
All in all, a very nice night for me with two beautiful ladies in a vibrant NYC.
Tomorrow is RCIA and Thursday is a baseball game in the new Philly ballpark with a friend from D.C.--followed by the Yankees Friday night. I am certainly keeping busy and got some good tips tonight for trying to validate W wherever I can.
P.S. Jen--I will e-mail the name of the anonymous beua soon.
Sorry I didn't get back to you today, I will give you a call in the morning. Sounds like you had a great time tonight...maybe next time I can join you guys. The mystery thing is good but I know it stinks not talking to the kids.
I wound up getting sucked into an R discussion with my W tonight...all she wants to do is get this over as soon as possible...M was bad from the day it started...why should she have to be unhappy...kids should not live with tension in the home...look at how many couples D..."for better or for worse" should be removed from the marriage vows...etc, etc, etc. For the most part I just listened and validated as best I can but I had to throw in that many of these justifications she brought up were just pop culture cliches that allow people to rationalize major decisions that have lasting consequences. Anyway, didn't mean to hijack...I'll catch up with you in the morning...unless you get this and you too are still awake, give me a shout.
It is wonderful to be able to meet many bb fiends face to face. It must be wonderful able to talk about our common problems. It certainly good to have some changes other than facing our M problems.
I went through RCIA program also last time. We were 4 in the group plus the sponsors and leaders. God will guide you through your faith journey and bless you with peace in this difficult period of your life.
Wow! Leave this BB for a few hours and Jennifer has gotten her DB Coaching degree! Betsey need not apply.
Well Jen, put your thinking cap on now because I'm feeling a bit meloncholy today. TKKC1's sitch has me down, another local friend and successful DBer his friend in similar straits call me this morning for support, my W's family wants to call her C to make sure W is telling her the "whole truth," , a mutual friend of me and W sent me an e-mail telling me to get out of the M and I'll thank him ten years later, and I can't get hold of my L to reconcile some retainer language so that the S process that W so desperately wants can begin.
On top of that, I had such a good time last night relaxing with Jennifer and H2H and being myself--that today seems so flat. And I'm still a man--so although I was focussed on my attractive dinner companions last night, every time I looked up from our table there were unignorable schools of sophisticated and enticing NYC ladies walking up and down the street. Today I feel like a pathetic salmon swimming upstream against the cultural torrent of infidelity and self-gratification.
On the plus side, Jennifer and H2H offered some critical comments on my online personal ad --but then ditched the efforts by reminding me that I was married. Yeah. I know.
Okay, that's just venting and getting it off my chest. I will feel better!
Quote: I looked up from our table there were unignorable schools of sophisticated and enticing NYC ladies walking up and down the street.
What part of the city were you in???
wow, merrick, after a couple of 1-2 punches to the body, a couple kicks to the shin and a shot to the head that left you confused, it seems your still standing!!!!!!!!!
Working on you is paramount, and your doing a fine job. A relaxing night with a couple of great ladies........I've got to have one of those!
Take care!
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
Quote: Today I feel like a pathetic salmon swimming upstream against the cultural torrent of infidelity and self-gratification.
Wow, do you need me to come to NY and help you find the right alley?
On a serious note, I'm sorry some of this stuff is weighing you down. What can you do to put yourself in a more Be-Kind-to-Merrick place? I know some of us really need to back away from the BB... it's sometime too cumbersome.
Vent all you want. Goodness knows, you deserve it.
(((((Merrick)))))
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hay! I wonder if you can tell me how you are working the seperation. My wife is looking for a place right now. She wants to go to mediation but we have not really talked about anything. I have two children, S4 and S6. I don't want her to leave with the kids for fear that I will not see them. It sounds like you are handling things so well. I feel like I am lost most of the time. My anxiety is high but I try to keep up me PMA. I did do a 180 and told her that I wasn't going to leave the house. She was very upset and said she was going to file. I don't believe that has happenend. Other issues around other men too. I too want this to work but I am getting tired of all the crap. I am trying to keep my attorney at bay. I want to protect myself and the kids too. Like your post. Helps to read what others are doing and how consistent you are.
The place for support and some journaling to clear my head (TJ. Are you getting my private e-mails??).
The day didn't get much better, but I made the most of it. I think a lot of what bothered me was my kids being away, what's happening with them, and watching TKKC1 deal with this issue as well. What some of us are doing to our kids, no matter how much we try to compensate, still seems like a crime in my eyes. (Btw Jennifer, you planted a good seed for me last night to have my kids give W a nice gift when we get back from our vacation to thank W for all she did for them at the beach).
In any event, I got home early to pick up my car from being serviced and ran a few errands before heading off to RCIA--which I was really looking forward to. However, when I got home there was a message from my RCIA couple stating that one of them had fallen ill and they needed to cancel.
I decided that I would finalize the logistics of my trip next week with the kids, but do a little grocery shopping beforehand. While contemplating grilling a nice steak, I look towards my midsection and saw TKKC1's bronto burgers still sitting in my stomach--and then saw the sign for a lobster sale--a healthier choice! Bagging my recent bouts of angioedema and knowing that I had my Epipen at hand I got myself a nice 1 1/2 pounder and some fresh broccoli and made myself a nice dinner.
I then called the kids and had a very brief, but pleasant convo with W on some housekeeping matters. I can only assume her parents were nearby, which is why she was nice, but I'll take it.
However, as I got settled in to prepare my trip, a neighbor who is going through his own D (and appeared tio have been drowning his sorrows this evening) rang my bell to give me his latest update--which took an hour!!! So, I'll have to work on the trip a little later then planned.
Tryingtodigout There is no easy answer on how to handle separation. Every sitch is different. If you have read my threads since I started last October, my approach to this issue has made my head spin more than any other (not to be confused with W's spinning head a la Linda Blair ). DB Coaches insist that this should be a last resort (for the LBS) while you try other things and you should only leave when it becomes clear that apart from these other efforts, staying is moving you further away from your reconciliation goals. That's the point I have reached.
Unfortunately, the conditions of an Sep. can have a number of legal ramifications if you do not reconcile. So protecting yourself legally can create new conflicts that defeat some of the benefits of giving your S space. This is why I think those whose spouses have left actually have it easy. You just let them go and don't battle being forced out yourself.
As for me, I have a multi-tiered and flexible strategy as to how I will approach a separation and all these legal issues--and at all times will be mindful as to how this impacts my kids. This will not be easy, but financially, I have no choice.
!!! 
, a mutual friend of me and W sent me an e-mail telling me to get out of the M and I'll thank him ten years later, and I can't get hold of my L to reconcile some retainer language so that the S process that W so desperately wants can begin.