Hi everyone, Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I really have a situation now. things were great, the three of us were doing things as a family, we are all going to Maryland for d's competition next week. and this past Sat. caught ex in a lie. He told d that he was going out with the guys (okay thts good protecting her) and calls and asks if she could stay at my place this sat because some guy at work was out sick for 2 weeks and now he is back, so the guys are all going out to celebrate. I pick her up and he asks me to stop by in the evening to take the dog out. So we did, and the answering machine had a message so d play it and it was a woman wanting to know where the ex was because he was a half hour late. when I heard that I think I stopped breathing. I feel like a complete fool, I've been going places with him because I thought we were working things out, but he only kept me around because of our daughter!! D and I were up till 1 a.m talking, she was so upset that the dad had lied to her and of course I told her because he didn't want her to get hurt. the next day, I pretended that I didn't hear the message and asked him to get our d and my bikes down from the garage because d and I were going on a bike ride--now I didn't ask him and when we get there, her bike and his bike are on his bike rack and he is all ready to go!! what is up with that, you went out with another woman last night, now you want to bike with the ex and she didn't even invite you!!!! all through the ride d and I were looking at each other like what is he doing??? when we got back home, he invited me to stay so that we could go to the fireworks! I said no, but I wasn't nasty. then yesterday I called him to tell him that he shouldn't lie to our d, she is 13 and she now started pieceing things together and knows that he is dating someone. He started to get mad, but I calmed him down I was just telling him what was going on with his d and he then said that he wanted to move on, so I asked him then why did you ask me to the fireworks and he said that yeah he probably shouldn't have done that--now what do I do--he wants to move on!!! Right now, I really can't see myself sitting through another b-bay with both sides and everyone telling me, ask him out to dinner, so the two of you can spend time together. but I don't know if I should tell him that since he wants to move on then maybe its time for the families to move on as well--help, I don't want to mess this up, but I have been acting as if and now he wants to move on.
Have you read Divorce Remedy? If so, have you re-read it recently? I found comfort in re-reading it when things got confusing. And I'd usually spot something that I hadn't tried before, or that I just needed to hear again.
I suspect you may need to back off for awhile. Since he told you that he wants to move on, now is a great time to focus on yourself and your daughter. Work on making a wonderful future for the two of you. Plan projects together. Make your home more for the two of you. Ect.
I also suspect that he's confused about what he wants. If he was drawing closer to you then you were definately doing SOMETHING right. Can you figure out what that was? Try to do more of it when you are around him?
Boy Suzy, what a mess. I can't believe this guy. Please, you've been through so much, recap in your own words what you think is going on with him. Besides alien talk and just keeping you around for your d's sake. What on earth is really happening? You're a smart lady. I am so confused.
thanks for responding Phoniex, I have read and re-read the db book and I have listened and relistened to the tapes "Keeping Love Alive" The ex did tell the counselor that he likes things the way they are so I guess that's how I'm going to look at it and just go with the flow. Though, now our d doesn't want to let her dad out of his sight. I guess she thinks time without her around means time with the GF. Boy, In never thought I would use "GF" in my stitch! Ex told d that he is going to date, but that he has been married once and he doesn't want to get married again, so she is happy that daddy will never remarry. I don't think he should have told her that--nobody can predict the future. I guess I will play it my ear and see if he invites me anywhere. Maybe I will have to say no to a few inviations.
Hye, rotts-I appreciate you stopping by. I have no clue whats going on. We are leaving tomorrow for my d's competition in Maryland so that trip will be interesting. I'm just going to have a good time and remember that I am there for my d. I think maybe he is still hurting from my affair. or maybe he is sneaking around dating this other girl because he doesn't want to be the first to date, but he got caught! even though he has only been on a couple of dates. I was his first and only girlfriend, so maybe he wants to see whats out there. He does want a good environment for our d to grow up in and maybe keepin around makes him feel like he is doing that. I really am at a loss. Since we have been divorced I think neither of us has let go and maybe if we fully let go when can see what we lost. maybe, Im graspimg.
Hi everyone!!! well, our family vacation to Maryland was awesome!!! we all got along and had fun! He didn't call the girl he went out with the week before the vacation, so I don't think its anything serious yet. I guess I'll just keep rolling along. When grandmother just passed away and she was like the ex's only grandparent, so he will be coming to the wake and funeral. Just thought I would keep everyone posted. I will just continue being his friend, but if someone come along that I wish to date, well, I'm going to date!!! I'm so tired of keeping my life on hold!!
