Yesterday H and I went out again and we had another R discussion... again. Well, i just had to put my 2 cents in again because he brought it up. It's funny, I was the one who used to always want to talk about the R and now I don't and he does. What gives??? Anyways I told him I know they talk everyday and i told him what I really thought of her (no need to repeat, you can just imaging) and I told an emotional affair hurts just as much as a physical affair and if it continues too long - I asked him "Don't you know it will eventually ruin us?". He answered yes.
Low and below, she called again today... but it was also a great day for me or us. H called me this morning, twice. I did not answer the first time and he called a couple of hours later. This is good. I was not home when he got home and when I came home he was just finishing up the dishes... this is very good. H doing dishes??? wow! I took notice and thanked him right away. He is starting to call me honey... this is great. I think we are making some progress and I am so glad me telling him what I really think of her and their sitch did not ruin things (I think).
I am so hoping for a day that he says to her... "We can't do this anymore because I do not want to hurt my wife anymore". (because I have made it clear to him that what they are still doing right now hurts me still).
I actually feel really good today. More secure about him not bolting, but still not secure about them starting things up again.
I have been trying so hard, but I am worried because I think sometimes I try so hard and put everything into him and the R, I see myself losing myself a little again. How do you keep the balance? I feel like if I let up on things, it will go back to a bad R. I certainly can't keep all that I am doing up forever. I will exhaust myself. Any help in this area?
And Alamari, I wanted to add that I could not believe that you said what he saw in the OW and he said something like... "She makes me feel good about me". My H practically said the same thing to me. I could not believe it. It must be true. (Not to be mean, but I cannot see anything else in this OW). So I have been trying to do just that, make him feel good about him. Thanks.
And Alamari, I wanted to add that I could not believe that you said what he saw in the OW and he said something like... "She makes me feel good about me". My H practically said the same thing to me. I could not believe it. It must be true. (Not to be mean, but I cannot see anything else in this OW). So I have been trying to do just that, make him feel good about him. Thanks.
YOU ARE VERY WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is one of the reasons I post. I never have a clear idea of what I will start typing it just seems to come out .. It helps me to feel better to post here.... I am glad I can help. This place and you all and my hard work has really changed my Life, in such a positive way. .... and to know that I helped someone really makes my day.
Keep the PMA up honey you are doing well,, and yes it seems exhausting at times but take a deep breath ,, you can do it! God bless....
Yesterday - good day... Today - bad day... I just have a bad feeling he is with her today. He called her 3 times today and she called him one time. I just know they made plans and are out today. When i called him he was really short with me on the phone. This is terrible. I hate this and I hate this feeling. It just isn't fair. I should not have to feel this way. Life would be so much easier and less stressful if I knew my H was not backstabbing me. How can he kiss me goodbye in the morning and than do this? Well, at least he is coming home to me instead of to her for now... I guess. Let go and let God, right?
It's true, he was out with her on Thursday. Yesterday I talked to the people H said he was out with. I flat out asked them if H was out with them and they said no. I knew it. I just don't know how to handle this. Andy suggestions?
Yesterday at work on my work phone after I had answered the female on the phone said "H is still cheating on you". I could have sworn it was OW's voice. I *69'd, but it was a private cell phone. Hers probably. I wish I could have nabbed her and I would report her on harrassment charges at work (she is at my work, to but a different division) but I have no physical proof. DArn! She must be pretty desperate and stupid to be doing this on my work phone. I found out she stayed home sick yesterday, too probably a hangover from drinking to much with my H on the previous day. Oooohhh I hate this! They have called each other 4 times before noon yesterday.
I was out with H yesterday and I am doing DBusting and have not said a thing to H. He does not know I know.
The affair seems to be picking up again. How do I handle this? Please help?
Somehow you have to beat her at her game. You need to be the one building up husband's ego and you need to become the fun one and lose some of that responsibilty (get sitters and go out), be seductive or whatever the heck she is, and when you get a call from OW about your husband "still cheating" remind OW that he's cheating on her!!!!! AND, he's still married to you.... that makes her desperate AND stupid!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
As hard as this is is for you listen to what ROOT said and also take a really deep breath.. my blood is boiling just reading about what happened to you... she is scandalous! My H's OW used to send him pics of her and her Tattoo ( in a very inappropriate place of his NAME!!!!!!!
I feel your pain sweetie. I really do. I am sooo sorry you are going thru this.
When it seems they can stoop no lower they amaze and astound ....they find a way to be uglier and nastier. She is trying so hard to hurt you b/c she is threatened by you. And he doe snot have b*lls enough to tell to her to stop and for him to stop too.I cannnot type fast enough I am so angry at his behavior and hers most of all.. she is a woman too and apparently she has no backbone! My h's OW did not either.. she is as nasty as they come too. ... believe it or not ( stuff for Ripleys really) one of my close friends knows a guy who knew the OW in her hometown he lives there too... Well to make a long story short he had nothing nice to say about her... And one nite long after reconciling, I knew about this long before he ended it with her , I got brave ( I think I had had a few drinks) and told him this and he said " I ALREADY KNEW THAT ABOUT HER ." AND I DISGUSTINGLY ASKED "THEN WHY WERE YOU WITH HER?" AND HE HAD NO ANSWER... IT MAKES NO SENSE... But you do have to play the game so to speak like ROOT says and beat her at her own game....
I know it is hard and you want to strangle her and slap the F&ck out of him but take a step back and get to work ! She has nothing on you or she wouldn't have to play games like that.
My H even asked me one time after being Reconciled shortly and I had deleted a pic she sent while he was sleeping,, I assumed he did not want to see it he asked " WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT..?"
I almost passed out.. What gives me the right?????????????????
I have been your wife for 10 years ............ *)(&&*(*&^&^%%$. All the things I thought to say which would need to censored for sure.. I took a deep breath and let him live in his F*(&ed UP Fantasy world that what he said and that he had her pic did not hurt me and cried when he left to work that day..
When he came home he never saw me sad. I am not saying this will work for you maybe something else will work. But on our anniversary @ 2 months after Reconciling~ I finally asked him to delete her number and her pic and he acted as if he had not known they were still there and he deleted it....It felt like it was there for years.... it is their guilt that makes them hold on ( I think).. after all they ( OW) are only a bandaid to cover up what they realy wanted from you!
It is slow and like pulling teeth but it can be done if he is really ready to let go and you are shining and do not let their F*()ed UP Sh&T get to you.
Thanks everyone. I did good. I did not say a word to him that I knew he was out with her or that she is playing games with me or act mad or anything. (I hope this is beating her at her own game... I asked him how she was actually).
Next time I think I will tell him to tell her I hope she is doing ok or do you think it would be too much to send her a text message telling her I hope she is doing ok? (I think this would make her blood boil because she knows I don't like her and she couldn't tell H I was being mean cause it would be nice.) What do you guys think?
I have been doing a lot of DBing. Some of it backfired on me, though. I was trying to boost his ego and it had something to do with his job. Touchy subject I guess... i was trying to compliment him and he snapped at me, but I think i recovered ok. I think he took what I was saying the wrong way because he actually he twisted my words and I said, I did not say that and I told him I am complimenting him. Whew!
I just wish I did not have to feel like I am going to turn my back and he is going to stab it. I read something on someone elses post and they said something like you will get back what you give... I hope so.
New week, here we go... I hope it's a good one.
cissy
Maybe I can boost his ego some other way. He wants me to tell my boss off at work for him just like the OW does. He loves when she does that. I am not going to do that, but I let him think I was going to. The OW can't be giving herself a good name by sticing up for my H that way, I don't think.
Ok, I am really freaking out here... help?! I have the same feelings of panic panic panic that I had before. 5 calls to and from OW today. It's picking up again.... what do I do?
He promised to end if before he came back. Now it's back to them talking on the phone 5 times a day. He should be calling me not OW. he does not call me!!! I can't possibly do anything more to make him happy. i am treating him like a king. Anybody??? Should I say something to him or not. panic panic panic. anxiety anxiety anxiety!
H took a text message and texted her back right in front of me. I could not help myself I told him that I knew he and she were talking so much everyday and I asked him if he was starting up with her again.... and I told him about her phone call and told him if she keeps harrassing me at work I am going to report her and asked if he had seen her and was starting up with her again and if he was being honest with me like he said. I reminded him what he had promised to me before he had came home and how he has gone back to what he was doing before and that he was worrying me. UUGggghhhhh! Major backslide, right?
He said what he always does, "I'm moved back home, didn't I?" I said, yes, and I am very happy, but I see things picking up between you and her and that is not ok with me.
He said "Well, Im not going to just toss her aside, she is my friend". I said, no she is the OW an affair and I understand you and she has feeling for each other, but I need you to fight for our marriage, too". (gag gag gag)
And I told him I felt like texting her about her cancer and he said do what you want..... so I did... I texted her and told her I hope she feels better and to call if she needed anything and good luck to her. She texted back thanks. I know this infuriated her because she tried to call H twice last night very late, but my H was already sleeping. I am sure he will get and earful this morning! NO DOUBT!
I told him this morning that I texted her and what I said, she will probably try to tell H something I didn't even say and probably to tell me to leave her alone... (she needs to leave us alone!!!!!)
He seemed good to me this morning, but sometimes he does not show his true feelings. Although last night he said, she is trying to start trouble and I thought the same, but he was still defensive of her. UUGGGHHHHHHHHH!
Do you think I messed things up? Read a couple posts up, too. more of the story. thanks. Cissy
Wow Cissy - Just read your posts. Boy, I can definite relate to your stitch. My hubby did the very same thing. Had a friend at work (his boss no less) that he became very good friends with when he left in Dec 2005. Swore up and down that they were good friends and that was all, but there were talking on the cell for 2-3 hours each night between 12:00 - 2:00 in the morning. (Hubby was living at his mom's house).
Hubby ended up returning home in March of 2006, slacked off communication with her (or so I thought), but hey - he worked with her. Did I really trust him? NO! My life was a living hell the whole time he was living with me. Even the kids were miserable. I found out he was "good friends" with several girls he worked with and that one of them would write him love notes and leave them on his desk. He finally got her fired for sexual harrassment and I thought all would be OK, but I still worried. AFter all, if he truly loved me, he would have done more to make me feel better.
Long story short, he is gone again. This time left in Nov 2006. Kids don't want him back and neither do I. I feel I will never trust him again - ever. I am finally happy and satisfied with my life and refuse to ever go thru that hell again.
I'm certainly not telling you what to do and I pray that your stitch turns out the way you want, but I just know that when my hubby moved back home, I was filled with stress wondering if he was lying, who and when he was talking to and about what. In my case, it affected my job, my relationship with my kids and my general well being. I am so much happier now.
Do I still love him? You bet - I love the man he COULD be if he tried.
Do I still cry? Absolutely. But I cried a whole lot more when he lived here.
Do I still wish for the fairy tale ending? Of course. I'd like to think that we'll get back together and have the marriage we were meant to have - we have been married for 22 years! BUT, I am now 40 and my life and kids mean more to me than ever before. I can't put myself or them thru the pain any more.
Will I ever take him back? Hmmm - toughie. He has a lot of proving to do in order for that to happen. And we will be living separate while that proving happens. I will NOT allow him to move back in, just because he is in a bad situation. He wanted to leave, he did, so now he has to live with his decision.
Don't mean to be a downer, but your postings brought back such memories and I just wanted to share my thoughts. It makes me mad when they feel that they can just use and abuse us like this and we will take them back no matter what.
