DDC, I understand what you are going through. My XH and I got back together once. I think we made the mistake of running back too quickly. We went from not seeing each other for 3 months to trying to spend all our time together. While it felt good at the time, the fact that he is my XH shows that maybe it wasn't the best approach.
I guess if I had to do it again I would do things differently. I would acutally "date" my h. Granted it has been almost 10 years since I dated, but I think I remember something about doing something once a week... and then giving each other space the other days. Then as time goes on spending more time with each other, but still allowing for that alone time.
I think the fact that her Match.com profile is still down is a good thing. And I would not recommend putting yours back up. (While I totally understand where you are coming from and why you want to, but if you really want to make things work with her you need to not play "that game".) As someone said you are her "safe person" and being the safe person is hard you feel taken advantage of, but it is a role you need to decide if you really want it. Meaning if you want to work on your relationship with her then you need to be that safe person, if you don't then go out and live your life as you wish.
I only wish my situation was like yours. I would give anything to date my XH again. The chance of falling in love all over again and creating a better realtionship would be wonderful! I thought maybe we were getting there, but then he got scared and ran. So count your blessings that she is talking to you about the chance at that new relationship.
I don't know what stage your wife is in BUT the very fact that she is open to dating you is a good thing.
For all you know she is just telling you she wants to date other people so as not to commit to you right now. This doesn't mean that she really will date anyone else.
AND...
The fact that she is being honest about her feelings is something you need to give her credit for as much as it may hurt.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Lissett, Yes there has been many a prayer to that effect. But isn't there a song about wishing and hoping and thinking and praying? Though the song does go on to say that won't help... um..maybe I need to come up with a new line
DDC... just wanted to say that it is good that you and your XW are talking about the possibility of a new relationship!
I think the fact that her Match.com profile is still down is a good thing. And I would not recommend putting yours back up. (While I totally understand where you are coming from and why you want to, but if you really want to make things work with her you need to not play "that game".)
I did decide to leave it down. I was only going to do it to show her I can date as well, plaing the game so to speak. I will be her safe spot to land, when she decides come commit 100%. I took some time to reflect today on all the positives that are happening and it is amazing how we can get blinded by what actually is going on. One month ago I could not hold a conversation with her, today I am dating her twice a week and spending addtional time with my D and her. She is very communicative, we can discuss our D and acknowledge where we both have grown up, we can discuss our love languages in detail and we sit there cuddle and make out which is something we haven't done in 10years! Deep down I believe even if see dates, nobody can fill her emotional needs like me. I have the edge on anybody she meets, they are starting from scratch, I have a 3 year crash course in knowing how I screwed up and what see needs in a R.
I agree that she does not want to commit and is using the dating thing as a way to soften the blow in case she can't commit down the line she does not want the guilt of hurting me again.
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The fact that she is being honest about her feelings is something you need to give her credit for as much as it may hurt
Yes I agree, the one thing we are able to do now is discuss our feelings something which we were never able to do before
I am currently not in the right frame of mind to say anything to you about this...
I want to.
WTF are you doing posting up on Match. com?
Do you want to stand for your maariage? This isn't a game...
Ok I have not read your whole situation but that strikes me as childish.
I WILL read your threads later...but WTF?
She posts on a dating service so you will?
Alright like I said I wil read them later.
Here is the good news. She kissed you and was affectionate in front of your kids...that is NEVER a bad sign. At their worst I do not think that the MLCer wants to screw with the minds of thier children.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack You are only allowed to use a 2 x 4, put down the 2 x 6
I get the drift, it was a childish thought that I had when she said she wanted to date other people.
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Here is the good news. She kissed you and was affectionate in front of your kids...that is NEVER a bad sign. At their worst I do not think that the MLCer wants to screw with the minds of thier children.
My D was in the garage when she kissed me. She does not want to show affection in front of our D until she knows for sure we getting back.
