Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy DR says A lasts 6 months. True???

Good to know I'm not the only one then. I too have been hoping H will snap out of it. He really is a very intelligent guy, so why he persists with his current behaviour is beyond me.


Type this:
[url=link] title [/url]
Only instead of where it says "link", copy and paste the URL you want to link to. So if you wanna link to a thread, open that thread in a window, then highlight the address at the top of your browser window then copy it and paste it where it says "link" above.
Where it says "title", type the text you want to show Eg: check out my thread.
Hope that didn't just confuse you more.


If you ask me, we're still M, so there's no doubt about it being an A.
If you ask H, the M was over the minute he walked out, so from that point on he could do whatever (and whoever) he liked without having to feel guilty.
So as far as he's concerned, he's just moved on to a better, new relationship. In my case, I believe he's going out of his way to justify his actions, because of how much he despised his father, when he had an A several years back, (H full on hated him and to this day hasn't ever fully forgiven him). No way could he ever admit to doing the same thing, so he's gone out of his way to convince himself he's not doing the same thing, and I don't know that he'll ever be ready to look himself in the mirror and face the reality of it all.

As far as I know, H didn't keep his A secret from anyone except me. In fact, I suspect he probably took OW to the wedding of a couple of our friends. A wedding I would have very much liked to go to, but couldn't because H would be there. Taking your OW to a friend's wedding. Hmmmmm. I suspect that several of my old friends, (who I haven't heard a peep from since H left) are buddies with OW now. So I don't know that the whole secretive excitement thing ever really applied in my H's case. It's just been a "real relationship" from the start.

Ophelia:
OMG, my H's sitch is the same as yours. I don't think he's ever forgiven his father for his A(s) either. Never even wants to talk about it. And now he has become him, in so many ways, it's truly unbelievable.
I so wish that he would just open his eyes and see that he's following in his father's exact same footsteps. But how do we get them to do that? Honestly, I don't think he even knows what he's doing. This is all he knows. I've been so tempted to say to him, jokingly even, that he's becoming his father, but I think that he either wouldn't hear me or it would just make matters worse. Guess he has to figure it out for himself.

Thanks for the tip on how to link a thread! Actually decided not to link my original, but will probably need that info in the future.

Hi all,

Been reading through this thread and it looks like the vast majority are W who have been cheated on by their H's.

What I'm wondering is, how different is the dynamic if it is a W cheating on her H?

In other words, how much is known about the W who moves out and is seeing someone else?

still hoping,

Before you smacked upside the head with a 2x4 I need to ask you a question.

What are you looking for here? It seems that all you are interested in right now is the A....WHY?

I do not agree with DR on the 6 months BS. Everyone and everything is different. You can not put time lines on anything but yourself.

Now what are you thinking about right now...

I do not think you want my opnion on that one....LOL

Anyway. I really do not think it is that much different other than the fact that women seem to be stuck more on there fantasy then men are. It seems that men come home a lot quicker (In most sitchs) than women. Just my opnion though so no one start bashing me for it...

still hoping,

I guess the reason I had not seen your sitch is because I hang out in newcomers. I will certainly try to give some advice when I can but I am not dealing with MLC or OM. Separation yes. I will see what I can offer even though I'm fairly new.

Thanks for the reply. I have no idea on the timelines on any of this, and I tend to agree with you. People are all different, there's no way to put a timeline on anything. The WAS could truly meet their 'soul mate' and get married and live happily ever after. There is no formula to be applied here.

What I'm wondering though, is what are the percentages of WAW's that do NOT have OM either when they leave or very soon after? Seems like an overwhelming majority of them do.

It's also my opinion that the majority of WAS do have OP. I know my H denied it, but there was someone else. Unless there is some kind of abuse, I would think they would try to work it out if they "just didn't love you anymore" especially if children are involved. So to me when they just one day they announce they are not happy and want out you automatically assume there is someone else, which most of the time turns out to be true unfortunately.

I agree with YoYo. The percentages have to be really high for the A aspect of it. Might not be a PA but an EA can be equally if not more devistating than a PA.

The thing to remember here is that it really is not about the A. It is about you and bettering yourself. Finding out what was missing that had them walk away in the first place. You can only fix yourself and no matter what the outcome of the M is YOU will end up better and stronger in the end. That is as long as you focus on improving your life....

Hope that answers your question....

Ben

It does answer the question, and I agree. I think the thing that frustrates me the most is, like yoyowife said, without the OP you would think they would want to work things out. It's a reflection on the WAS's that instead of working and fighting for a marriage they instead choose to take the easy way out.