Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis SAD WHEN OW COMES BEFORE HIS KIDS!!!

I think that Chicki specified in her initial post that she was VENTING. Has nothing to do with her maturity on a larger scale. She herself said that she has been quiet through this whole thing.

Also, you can look around the boards and see that we ALL from time to time, have let loose and displayed our feelings...borne from pain. Not just being mean and bitchy.

Chicki, I did the same thing in February. Ranted for HOURS. I do not regret it at all...maybe the things I said, but not doing it.

I think that MLCers live in a fantasy land, and every once in a while it's good for US to be human, and for THEM to see that not everyone fits into fantasy land. That not everyone buys into their sense of "normal" at the moment. After a while, it feels that you are betraying yourself.

Again, I think that the added pain in our situations, Happy, comes from dealing with a PA, which was not present in your case.

why dont you read her last post and tell me how productive that was. this has nothing to do with her saying she is venting. Always, i understand you may be projecting your own hurt here and i totally understand that and no i know nothing about a PA but read the way they talk to each other and then tell me what is wrong with this picture.

I am almost 100% sure that the EA has turned into a PA. I do care but I am more concerned that my beautiful W is hurting herself more than me. The damage she is doing to herself emotionally and possibly physically is worse on her. I hate the thought of my girl being with someone else. Hate it. But I know that just like material possessions it doesn't mattter. Her heart will never belong to someone else. Even though she said the famous line we all of heard, the I love you but not in love with you crap, I know it isn't true; and that is not self-denial. It is fact.

That is why everyone's spouses are so messed up, depressed outwardly, acting as if everything is just peachy, sullen, whatever, is because they are confused. Either they love you or they never did. I would bet that it is the former.

So, chicki, I bet your H loves you but is doing the temper tantrum thing. Our spouses think, "I hate you not letting me have my way so I don't love you no more!!" B.S.!!!

I refuse to act like a child in this anymore (if I can help it). She thinks of me as the parent in this so instead I am going to confuse her and be the friend. When her world comes crumbling down, I will be there because I vowed that I would. I keep my promises to God. I will keep my promise to the woman I married.

Nicely put mmf.....

HA is right. We can vent and it is important that we can vent but we have to be careful that it does not lead into justification to take it outside of this board. If we dwell on these feelings, it becomes ingrained. If we want to make the changes permanent in ourselves, we cannot use anger to do it. It has to be genuine and consistent. I think Happy means that sometimes venting is not productive; it can be destructive.

goal

its not even the venting but the actual way that they speak to one another . there is no love no respect nothing. it is like 2 kids fighting.

chicki, that was how I received it as well. Our concern is that you don't need to be the parent but it if you love H and respect yourself, you won't stoop to Hs level. It may feel good at the time that you "got back at him" and was able to "get in a few choice words" but what is it you really want? Do you want to get rid of him, do you want him to come back, what?

If you want your M, you need to do what is opposite of your immediate emotional reaction to any situation. Get past the things he is doing to hurt you or the kids. Always be the mature one. Be the "true" friend that does not have ulterior motives. That is the person he really needs.

MMF thank you now can you please follow me around the board and explain my words properly to everyone else.

oops, sorry happy.