Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy He is leaving to be alone to THINK - now what?

I can relate to this, as I am the same way. I worry too that my H will take advantage of me because he knows how I am therefore will know how to sooth me again and regain my faith in him.

HB, when you have time or want to, would you mind elaborating a bit on how your h needs to sleep with her one more night before breaking up? what were the details? did you know of it beforehand or did he not let you know? Do you know when he made up his mind, and how long after that he actually told you about his decision? How did you feel and react knowing (before and/or after) that he would sleep with OW one last time? Thanks.

Hi OC.. thinking about you. How are you doing today?

I did not know before that it was the last time. Though it pains me that on 3/8 he told me he did not want to file and that he wanted to come back to me he just had to figure out how to get rid of Ow without hurting her too much. Despite he was still hurting me.

I was with him for a part of 3/10 and even said don't enjoy your night (cuz I knew he was going out with her that eve) - this was hard letting him go knowing they were going out to dinner and would end up at his apt. He was supposed to have been at our house Sunday by 10 - to be w/kids while I went to IKEA. But with the time change he was late - I called his cell it was off and I got really pissed and drove by the apt on the way to shop. He finally did call at 11 and said the time chg messed him up - I said don't lie and I knew he had been 'busy' he said no and I said I saw her truck.

I was so hurt though I KNEW that was the intent of the apt - to be with her and see her in the light of reality. H was upset he hurt me and then OW ex H was making her life difficult and their vortex of issues seemed to be getting worse - H knew he needed to end it with her b4 he lost me. So when I got back from IKEA he said he was going to end it with her - and he did.

When he called a few hrs later he told me it was done and I just was cool. He asked why I did not seem happy - I said it's hard to believe he was telling the truth and he said well his actions would speak louder and he was right. She called him twice since 3/11 but he kept it non emotional and she has not called since 3/19 and I think she's done. She knows we are working on us and we are.

I did not know he was going to be with her and I did - duh I guess that's what the apt was about him having total freedom. Sometimes DB makes me feel we are doormats letting these WAS just have their cake and eating it too. He needed to get his fantasy bubble to be busted wide open b4 he could really see the fundamental differences between him and Ow.... H now sees things differently and the addiction is wearing off... slowly but I see the changes...

What is hard now is I still have to be so patient and this is getting frustrated. He is getting out of the selfish mode SLOWLY but I need to slow it down. I just want him to think of my feelings for once -he has to an extent (guilt wise) but not fully. This phase we are in is fairly hard to get through too - I need to follow my own advice and just keep taking those baby steps!!!! I hope this helps you...

The Ow was a big time liar and pressurer - she REALLY wanted him to file and he would not do that without me agreeing - so she lacked the patience needed to keep H for herself....

HB, it's funny how your h is like mine.
IF (that's a BIG IF) h is telling the truth, he is moving out so he can finish with her, "with my convoluted plan.". Up to the time I broke contact, he has been really nice to me, AND trying to hide all his outings with OW (which i hope to take it as THEIR way of protecting the wife???) Unfortunately, I think OW (at least the way h painted her) is quite intelligent and not pressuring, smart like me (ha ha), h told me she is reading a lot too so I am sure she knows how to play the game also. NOT GOOD FOR ME. I am so afraid that she will manipulate him into leaving me for good.

HB, it is so great to hear from you. You keep reminding me to take baby steps and I am trying to follow. SO HARD!!! It is great to know about your details because it gives me some hope that h may be doing what he is telling me. I hope you don't mind me always coming to you for advice because I think your situation is just weeks ahead of mine so I am following your thread closely for ideas.

lonelyolive, thank you for thinking about me. I needed that, especially this week. I have been feeling TERRIBLE. And in a sense, this is worse than when I first found out about the A, because looking back, I understand it was just mostly crazy emotions. Now the feelings come from deep inside and it is rational. Don't know if this makes sense. The moving out really hits me HARD. I cry everyday. I am again eating very little, which I guess helps in maintaining my current weight, ha ha, since I cannot bring myself to exercise. At times, I keep thinking about OW in his apt, which we all know how that feels. I am for sure tossing that blanket that he brought IF he comes back.

H is taking the kids this weekend for an out of town trip (since they cannot see his apt). I will have some time alone, I deparately need some exercise to lift my mood up so that's the plan. Many of my friends just happen to be busy this past week so it is not helping in my situation at all (which is also why I am always here and posting).

Yesterday, for the first time, I asked S8 "if you have to choose, who do you want to live with, mommy or daddy?" "Do I have to choose?" "No, you don't, you can asnwer both." "Then both". Later S8 told me daddy asked him that question a few times already (but he forgot when). I will have to tell h today not to ask those questions anymore. A bad move from both of us to ask anyway.

OC - That makes TOTAL sense! I feel the same way. You don't feel crazy like when you first found out but the reality of the sitch has hit home. It sucks.

So, if this ow is so smart, why is she with a married man? Your H is painting this grand picture of her as another justification of his A. My H said that he doesn't always go for the "most attractive woman in the room".. i.e - ow is dumpy.

What is she reading up for? How dare her!!!! Is this a game to her? Some women are like that they try to steal someones husband just see if they can do it then dump him later.

It irks me that so many of our "sisters" have such bad morals and inflect such emotional pain on innocent women. If these skanks had more respoect for themselves and love then we would not have to worry about any of this. Why do they insist on treating the WIFE like she is the enemy and in the way of her fabricated bogus love?????

OC,

Did you husband reveal she is reading also after you told him you were reading? It sounds like he is liking all the attention of two women fighting over him.

OC:
Tried to send a PM to you but it says your box is full (or something like that). We have something major in common, but I'd rather not post about it. Is it possible for you to clear a PM so I can send one to you?
still hoping

OC

Feel free to contact me whenever - go to my sitch for the quickest response.

Even with OW out of the picture he is still going through some withdrawal. I told him he cannot come back to me out of a sense of duty or obligation he has to WANT to be back with me. H says he knows he needs to get rid of any feelings for her and work on the feelings for me.

I am pulling back a little and giving him the space he desires. It's a little easier since Ow is out of the picture (as far as I know right - there will always be that doubt).

She did move yesterday so now we will see if she calls since she will for the first time be away from ex H and he will have their boys every weekend. She's never really been on her own and I fear she will have the urge to try and reconnect with H. He says he is done but I think he needs more time to be completely over her.

I want to trust him but it is so damn hard. I am just getting tired too of having to be patient. I know I need to follow my own advice - BABY STEPS!!!! (Easier said than done!)...

still hoping,
trying to PM you but I got "user is over limit on private topic"
not sure if "user" is me or you. I have not used PM before but I will see if I can fix this. meanwhile, may be you can try to PM me again and see.

As for OW, I really don't care if she is smart, dumb or what. It only matters that h has feelings for her. H always have women around him for some reason. All the women like to spill out their feelings to him. I don't know why but that's the way it is. And it was fine for all these years. H goes on business trips for weeks. On the plane, flight attendent would give him numbers. nothing ever happened until now. I think in my situation it was just the environment, circumstances, ow all seem to be at the right moment for it to happen. I do not blame ow. it could have been another person. But of course, haveing said that, I wish she never existed!!!