Yeah, he's spinning like crazy. He's been at it awhile. He tried to hit bottom a couple of times earlier this year, then began spinnng again. It's no wonder he's not making any sense in those phone calls! LOL!
My SIL thinks that H's crazier-than-usual phone call last week was partly because of alcohol withdrawal, which makes his depression worse. I'm hoping that he can eventually break the alcohol addiction. If he can break that addiction, maybe he can begin to break other addictions ..
He's a mess, but I do hope that alcohol rehab will help to get him back on the right track again.
Val, I think your H has a lot of demons he's facing right now. You know where his heart is... it's with you. BUT, right now, he's not fit to be with you. He is really sinking quickly. I have a feeling, he will hit a new low. I do think he can come back from this, but I think it may still be a while yet given his erratic behaviors as of late. He is doing this all to himself, and he probably knows that he can no longer blame anybody else for his unhappiness.
You are doing well. Stay away from his chaos.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
I think you're right, especially about "it may be awhile yet given his erratic behaviors as of late".
Another instance of H's mixed-up thinking .. he has defied the judge's orders on several provisions in our preliminary divorce papers. He has a new lawyer, whom I suspect is shaking his head and rolling his eyes at H's behavior. He may be more concerned about keeping H out of jail (again) than getting him out of spousal support. Yet, H has made no move toward talking to me about a mutually agreeable property settlement. In fact, H can't seem to talk to me at all. He said in our last phone converations that he was terrified to talk to me. I asked him what he meant by that, but got no response.
H has requested a continuance to our D and I don't have a new date for it yet. H is going to alcohol rehab now, so that's a big plus in his favor. However, whether he can come back from this before the D is finalized, is a big ??. I will not request any further continuances (there have been two so far).
Thanks, PS, for your insight and good advice. It's my thought that If H calls again, HE will have to do the talking (and make some sense, if that's possible!) OTOH, I may not see or hear from H again until the court date. Who knows?
Valeria - I think many of them don't hit bottom all in one go. [based on what I have read here, and my own experience]. My h seems to 'wake up', and feel bad, and then sink back into his MLC coma. HA writes of experiencing spells of lucidity. I do think reality is so painful for them that they can't face it, until it totally engulfs them. It drives us crazy, when they are spinning and giving off strange messages . . . I know that some MLCers thrive on contact, but I truly belive that mine does his thinking [VERY SLOWLY] when he is on his own.
I thought for sure my H hit rock bottom at least twice since January, yet he still won't give up the fight. He has lost virtually everything (except the 25 year old, gold-digger OW)!
He did acknowledge last week that he is sinking deeper and deeper into the pit, yet he does nothing to help himself. He told me early on in MLC that he wanted to be FORCED to make decisions, that's how confused and indecisive he is.
Valeria - RCR has written some good posts on the way that some of the MLCers hang on to the edge of replay, because they know that putting everything right is gong to be soooo painful. It is a bit like when they used old fashioned bandaids when we were kids, and ripping it off HURT, so we put it off.
Yes, H's behavior can be very confusing. On one hand, he has these narcissistic traits (mostly around his family and the OW), where he is the "top dog" and barks out orders left and right. On the other hand, around me and our family, he is just the opposite .. he avoids us and can't even carry on a phone conversation.
My second postponed divorce date was yesterday. And just like the night of the first postponement, H called.
After H's last few calls where he wouldn't talk and even hung up on me the last time, I was in no mood to be sweet and understandng. I guess I finally reached my limit of patience. I really didn't care if he got mad or not.
The phone call lasted maybe 30 minutes, and probably half of that time was silence but I was determined not to fill those silences. H eventually caught on and starting talking a little.
I did tell H that I was mad that he hung up on me last week and not to ever do that to me again. He said he wouldn't.
In a nutshell: He said he had moved into his new house .. ALONE ... and was calling me from there. He said he wished me and the kids were there. He said he didn't want the divorce.
At one point he was talking about the devastation he had caused, and I mentioned that I was his friend (meaning that he could talk to me if he needed to). He quickly said that he didn't want me for a friend, he wanted me as his wife.
We didn't talk about any further steps to take or where to go from here. I now see that by backing off, I am getting more positive feedback from H.
I'm not having any great expectations, and there's no guarantees that he won't run again, but I do feel better about our phone conversation last night.
