Question for you: have you ever tried moving out of the bedroom? Might that shake things up a bit? I know when I suggested moving out of the house five years ago, it REALLY made a difference in my wife. Short-lived difference, but an epiphany nevertheless. It showed her how serious I was.
I know when I suggested moving out of the house five years ago, it REALLY made a difference in my wife. Short-lived difference, but an epiphany nevertheless. It showed her how serious I was.
So why did you let it slide back into the old pattern?
A great question. I don't really know. I guess I got tired of the fight. People go where they're invited; they don't bang on the door and barge their way in.
At least people who supposedly love each other shouldn't have to.
A great question. I don't really know. I guess I got tired of the fight.
She probably knows this too. All she has to do is wait.
People go where they're invited; they don't bang on the door and barge their way in. At least people who supposedly love each other shouldn't have to.
Victim/martyr thinking…. She gets to barge her way around regarding terms of her own interest in the marriage but you don’t. Holding yourself of a standard of what love should be sounds a little like justification to hold to your position and avoid confrontation, ya’ think?
No I have not thought of moving out of the bedroom. Reason being is that my wife would probabaly LIKE this. She LOVES her sleep (like most LD's). Why would she miss me from our bedroom? It's not like there is anything going on in there.
No I have not thought of moving out of the bedroom. Reason being is that my wife would probabaly LIKE this. She LOVES her sleep (like most LD's). Why would she miss me from our bedroom? It's not like there is anything going on in there.
She'd notice. It's more a statement of self-respect than it is to get her to 'miss' you.
It's not about her "missing" you in the bedroom. It's about you making a change in the way things are, showing her that if she won't step up and address your needs then there's no need to have a "marital bed" (of course it'd be good if you TOLD her that too...don't assume she'll just know why you are moving out of the room.)
I can understand where your coming from. In my case, there would be no place for me to go. We have 4 bedrooms and they are all filled. I could end up sleeping in the basement. The threat of not sleeping to gether is NOT going to work with her. She would actually LIKE it. Having a MARITAL bed is NOT what she wants. She just wants a bed. If I was not there, she would be missing nothing. THere is nothing that takes place in a bed that is related to her love language.
Ok so what are YOU willing to DO CeMar to get her attention?
Don't tell me there's nothing you can do either...there are ALWAYS options, you are the only one limiting yourself on options. I can think of three right off the top of my head...
#1 Sleep on the couch and leave your stuff out so everytime you have visitors it is OBVIOUS that you aren't in the bedroom.
#2 Pitch a tent (I mean the camping type HD before you even touch that comment ;)) in the yard, think she'd notice that?
#3 Stay at a motel/hotel for a few nights and tell her you need to think about the direction your marriage is going since she's not addressing your needs. Yeah, she'll notice.
CeMar...WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO?
You have GOT to start taking responsibility in this marriage for yourself. If you aren't willing to take action then you are in affect saying you are willing to live in this marriage as it is, right now. Someone who wants their situation to change....takes steps to make it change.
I've just given you three suggestions that don't involve divorce.
WHAT STEPS ARE YOU TAKING?
Now...don't say you haven't been asked any direct questions, I've just asked you two in this post.
