This is my lesson for today: STOP FIGHTING IT! Just stop.
Instead, get out and do something. Everyday, when the thoughts overwhelm you, do something that will physically exhaust you. I did yoga last night and was totally and utterly pooped. And this "stop fighting it" lesson is a hard one to get.
But think of it this way. Will harping over it, moaning over it, getting depressed over it solve anything? If it will please tell me so that we can ALL start harping, moaning and wallowing in our sorrow...if we collectively do it, maybe we'll get somewhere? Sorry for the sarcasm, but just DO SOMETHING instead of thinking and dwelling and fighting the issue ok.
Imagine a little girl trying to bring down a wall, a big tall wall with a little pocket knife. Close your eyes and imagine. Ok, got that image, now see a tree behind her and on that tree are 2 crows sitting there going, "One carcass of a rat says she's NOT going to bring down that wall!" The other one says, "Umm...maybe she will, look she's gotten some stone chips to fall away!" Any guesses who the little girl is and what the wall is?
So stop! Instead the little girl should just step away from the wall, put down her silly penknife and just go play in the meadows and skip around in the garden and just have loads of fun....make new friends, discover new hobbies and one day she'll return to the wall and it won't be there.
I love you Inbliss....
rainbowlove ---------------------- ALL IS HERE AND SO MUCH MORE IS COMING!
I have great news!!! G-O-A-LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
This now means that all of my goals have been met and my M is now a 10 on my original scale. I feel like I'm on honeymoon it is fantastic.
You were so right though L. Although I feel much, much better I still feel insecure. I'm hoping this will settle down at some point.
I'm thinking of getting some new makeup too that always makes me feel good. Hope you feel good after your haircut. Thank you so much for praying for me - it obviously worked! I am returning the favour hoping your H starts saying the things you need to hear.
I was only thinking last week we ought to swop some more recipes it was fun knowing we were cooking things the same when we live so far appart! I'll think of something for you. I know everyone says the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but I think you're right about the other way !!
Don't do too much house cleaning - remember to enjoy yourself!
Rainbow I love the way you explain things in little stories. They make so much more sense I think you'll be a great R therapist. Yes I knew exactly who the girl was and what the wall was thank you - it made me chuckle. As you will have read above the wall knocked itself down while I wasn't looking!! The garden is absolutely wonderful without that wall in the middle of it! Now any advice on the insecurity thing??? I'm sure you'll say it will just take time but is there anything to be done to help ease it I wonder?
Thank you both so much for helping me through this all the time you are both amazing friends.
I'm hoping for a great weekend hope you both have one too.
YES! YES! YES! And NO pun intended Inbliss! My prayers for you WORKED too! I my god!!! I love it!
So super happy for you!! Inbliss got shagged last night...hehehehehehehehehe. I'm doing my happy dance....
About the insecurity thing, try doing the gratitude list in your journal everyday. I know what you mean though...it's hard to overcome. But know that each day as both H and you move further along in rebuilding your M, you will feel better and better. It's like healing after surgery. At first it's a lot of truama and then slowly you heal and the scars fall away and one day, you'll wake up and breathe and life will be sweeter than ever and you won't even remember ever being insecure.
DO work on it consciously though and do things that make you less insecure. I love the idea of new make up.
Btw, I hung out with 2 Irishman and 2 Scottish girls last night. One of the Irishman sang me a folksong and commented on my chest the whole time....Well, I did have on a brand new push up bra! Spent $50 on it and what do ya know, it was worth every penny! LOL....
rainbowlove ------------------------------ ALL IS HERE AND SO MUCH MORE IS COMING!
Woweee!!! Ain't that grand?? Well, heck, life is pretty darn near perfect now for you. Well, you got to tell us how it happened when you weren't looking !!!
Wow, so it just happened when you weren't expecting a thing. How about that!!
I love my new haircut, but H had to work late last night, and didn't get to see it, and my hair was messed up this morning. I think I'll go look at dresses today for Easter, and maybe get me a push up bra like rainbow did, so some Irish lad can sing about my chest, hahaha.
Yeah new makeup especially since it's springtime now, will do wonders for you. Especially with that new smile on your face You have a great weekend, and don't do anything we wouldn't do.
Hi L. Yes life is pretty much perfect for me now. Just my insecurity to banish and I'm working on that.
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Well, you got to tell us how it happened when you weren't looking !!!
OK I admit I was looking but not asking or whining - seems that pretending everything is fine works wonders!
What a shame H didn't get to see your new haircut. Hope you can do it the same for him to see - I can never manage to get mine to look the same as the hairdresser did. New underwear sounds like a good idea along with the makeup. I was going to get some blusher and mascara but you two have made me blush enough and maybe I do need a new lipstick for my new improved smiley me!!!
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You have a great weekend, and don't do anything we wouldn't do
I am not real familiar with your situation but wanted to comment on some of your feelings...my H came home after being gone for about a year and half...it is hard to get to the place where you are not afraid they will leave again...I understand that...as I went through that...in my mind if H would just tell me he loved me then I would be okay...well finally after 2 years he told me on our 27th anniversary that he does love me...yet things are still hard at times...I still don't understand him at times...and like your H...mine feels that his coming back should be enough for me to know he is here to stay?!?!?...My H says that he shouldn't have to tell me he loves me all the time because his being with me should show me that he loves me....after he reasons that out I feel like an idiot that is not appreciating what I do have and am whining about 3 little words...but they are my feelings...
I can say as time goes on...the panic lessens...I also understand about going to work...H had an office that he would go to and it seemed that only bad things came from that...how relieved I was when he gave up the keys!....baby steps still occur and that is what I try and keep my focus on...to make sure we are going forward and not backward...so far so good...
Catching up after a PC breakdown and having to do somewhere in the region of 1,000 hours at work (or did it just feel that long? LOL)
I am SO GLAD you've got your goal. I note you say you still feel insecure. Go with it, it's totally natural. My recomitted back in Oct/Nov, it's ONLY JUST now that I'm starting to feel relaxed.
There was a time my heart used to sink when he walked out of the door with his gym bag - the same bag he packed his stuff in when he left me. Now I can look at the bag and not give it a second thought!
But it took some work on me (individual C sessions) and a LOT of patience with myself to get here. I told H as well that I did appreciate him being recomitted but I had had a big shock so was going to be a little while getting over it and asked if he'd bear with me. he was happy to give me that space and understanding.
You have had a MAJOR life shock, this is going to take TIME for you to get over. Maybe think about sitting H down and explaining that you appreciate all he's done, you just need some time to get used to it, to recover. From what you've said of him he's a caring man and will be happy to do that.
What do you think?
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
I feel like I'm on honeymoon it is fantastic.
LOL!! 