Anyway, as I said above, whenever we talk about visitation (though not in those words), it really hurts me b/c I just imagine this as being forever, bleh.
I know the feeling. I hated it every quarter when we'd put the kid's schedule on the calendar for the following three months. It meant we were planning another three months apart. Good news is, it only lasted 16 quarters. We were pretty good at it by the time we reconciled. I think that the level of cooperation and respect we showed each other during those scheduling times actually aided in the healing of our M.
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Regarding (1): I am not really worried that he will get a criminal record, though if he does it will be really bad news. I am worried that once it is over with, he will want to go ahead with a D. On a positive note, once it is over with, he may feel free to re-engage in our R.
Definately not worth speculating on. We have no way of telling the future. We LBS's tend to think in terms of how each milestone will impact our S's and our efforts to reconcile. Better to live in the moment, and let the future take care of itself. Let go, and trust that no matter what happens, you are going to shine.
It's tough about scheduling kid's. One thing I highly recommend is to be open to having one on one nights with the kid's. I used to worry about splitting up the kid's but they LOVED it! It became a fairly regular thing. Once a week I'd have a one on one and W would have a one on one. The kid's just cherished those one on one nights.
I'm proud of you Nicola, you're doing a great job. Keep working on you. Being busy is a blessing for you right now.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
I like the idea of including the kids in this decision, and I do think the one-on-one idea is a good one; I'm just not sure how to work it in.
I just want to update quickly about the car, then back to marking.
H sorted the insurance stuff out. I asked him if the premiums would go up and he said, "For me they will." Well, we're on the same insurance, so I guess it will apply to me, too. GRRRRR.
I figured out why I was so upset about all this, and it's because he didn't even offer to help me out this morning with getting the kids to school and getting to work. I mean, a friend would do that if they smashed up my car, wouldn't they?
Anyway, he took it in and got a loaner, which he's bringing over tonight. Oh shoot--I just realized it won't have my parking sticker on it for work.
Oh well.
Gotta go grade papers!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I figured out why I was so upset about all this, and it's because he didn't even offer to help me out this morning with getting the kids to school and getting to work. I mean, a friend would do that if they smashed up my car, wouldn't they?
Nicola, imho, they would. they would because they would not have the same sense of shame and frustration and "shucks, I've messed up again. I am just bad news for the ones I love the most."
OK, maybe not that clearly aware but that is what I would guess it is going on unconsciously.
Hope u didnt get caught w/out your sticker! You rebel you!
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
I figured out why I was so upset about all this, and it's because he didn't even offer to help me out this morning with getting the kids to school and getting to work. I mean, a friend would do that if they smashed up my car, wouldn't they?
What is it with the MLCer with not wanting to be nice to the LBS and at least treat us like they would their friend. I think that they are afraid to be nice to us as those loving feelings may just rise to the surface again and they might just get sucked back into the R. As much as XH and I used to get angry with each other, we never ignored each other's phone calls or totally stopped doing kind things for each other. No point in trying to figure them out. As much as we try to detach and not let the things they do bother us, it still does. If ever your H comes out of this, maybe he can answer the question and help the rest of us out.
On a positive note, he didn't tell you to take the car in for repairs!
Happy grading!
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
That is the hardest part, I think. Reconciling, in our minds and hearts the person we once knew and the person that "is" now. Especially when it turned on a dime, literally overnight.
And, it's not a civil parting...the coldness, everything is so hard to bear, b.c it's so unnecessary.
I'm sorry that you have so much on your plate now. And on top of that, an H that is acting like an alien.
I figured out why I was so upset about all this, and it's because he didn't even offer to help me out this morning with getting the kids to school and getting to work. I mean, a friend would do that if they smashed up my car, wouldn't they?
Of course, but your friend would probably not be in lala-MLC-land. A reason, not an excuse.
We're all tired of our lives but don't we still need to take the high road, be the better person?
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Quote: I figured out why I was so upset about all this, and it's because he didn't even offer to help me out this morning with getting the kids to school and getting to work. I mean, a friend would do that if they smashed up my car, wouldn't they?
Of course, but your friend would probably not be in lala-MLC-land. A reason, not an excuse.
He is in lala-MLC-land, thinking of himself, not what Nicola needed from him. What would have been not okay with asking for his help?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
