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The apt situation has really started to open his eyes to the realities of their affair and it's not pretty. Their house of cards is starting to crumble and it will fall - it's only a matter of time. It is just so damn hard to let him leave today knowing that he is going to see her tonight. But this is what the apt was about. H needs to see her and what she is really like and that is starting to happen. I want him back only if HE WANTS to be back and only then. Not for the kids, the house, finances he needs to want me and only then can we move forward. I know the shift is starting to happen in my favor but I am unsure of the timeline and that's the hard part...

Patience Patience Patience!!!!!

I believe the technical term is halle-f-ing-lujah! All my best to you. I certainly understand the "scared shitless" part.

The Ben Hur tires are on the way and also a Do-it-yourself lobotomy kit to toss in her car, after you use the special Ben Hur tires!!Not to mention the special mirror which shows OW just how pathetic they are. Yes, once the OW actually asked me not to hate her. I'm sure the picture is NOT pretty when she looks in the mirror. Oh, and don't forget the fameous quote: "I never meant for this to happen".

Isn't that a load if I ever heard one. I guess they conveniently throw "choices" and "free will" out the window.

HB-

Can you help me put on my 3rd thread? Very bizarre day yesterday and I am having trouble with it.

TKS

Remember to go to tinyurl.com (cut and paste your address block from the top of the 3rd thread)... Sol is good at this too

HB-
In your sitch, when the OW started applying pressure, what did you see from your H other than the anger etc. Did he start to move the D process forward, without necessarily doing it? (Calling a lawyer, getting info etc) The gear changes just have me confused and I am looking for a little consistency between situations to know what is and isn't "normal". But then again, my W very well is nuts, at least temporarily.....

H did go to our financial planner and told her I knew about this appt (she asked)but no I did not know they were meeting. He ws trying to see if he could use part of his half of the 401K to buy me out of the house - very costly to do!! He told me about the appt right afterwards but he still lied (again...) That was the closest thing he did as far as I know - he wanted us to decide to file together - or for me to say let's file ----but I NEVER entertained that thought either internally or extrernally. He wanted to go to arbitration and not even use lawyers - he wanted a "friendly" divorce (is there such a thing????). I would not make that decision - it would/will have to be from H. I think he's finally stopped thinking of filing for the first time maybe since Aug????!!! I know he's trying to get rid of the Ow - tonight, now as we speak I guess. But I do not think he's being honest with her in that he wants to work on his M and family. H just wants out and wants to be by himself... I doubt she's going to go easily but at least it's a start. No celebrating for me here - we are far from getting through the woods on all of this. Hell we have not even entered the woods!!! At least the emotional roller coaster has slowed down for the last few days!!!

HB,

Sounds like your H is sitting on the fence. It's neutral ground and you still have a good chance to save your M. He's very confused, and the fact that he doesn't want to use lawyers says something. He wants an easy out, but it appears that you are not going to give it to him. I applaud you for it.

And I'm doing much better now here at home. I had a "little" fight with my W but it was more of a stern discussion about finances and a bit about me (and a bit about her....I stood my ground).

I love my family and I am not done yet. And I still need to read my own posts and follow them.

I'm glad to hear you are in this thing for the long haul!!!!

(((hugs)))

Well time for the update..

H told the Ow buh bye (yeah I know it's again for the third time) but it was on his terms this time and he says it's different this time. Funny, last night when he called to give me the news he said he was surprised I wasn't 'estatic' - I said I was more like numb, scared he will waffle once again and just being cautious with my heart. We will see how this one plays out. He says he wants some alone time but that we can continue with the family meals and doing stuff as a family. We have this apt lease for six months and they have a pool so come June we should be able to go swimming nightly!

I am just here not knowing what I should feel - again it seems surreal in that it only took him 2 weeks to figure her out? I know he was listening to me the week before he left. I had 30-40 mins tops where he did not shut down and heard what I was saying about her and other guys and her lies. I think he really sees her for the person she is - but it's that and the combination of his kids pulling away, him being out of his home that he built and I being the loving supportive wife who gave him his freedom...

I guess I am getting this DB'ing since I still feel detached and cautious - I told him we still have far to go and he knows that. Baby steps but at least he has picked a direction... Hopefully he can stay the course...

Thanks for all your support. I truly believe the apt is what helped us the most that and their fantasy bubble burst with the realities of daily living... Not so fun and secretive in the harsh sunlight!!!

HB-
Great news. As far as the lease goes, you may want to look into breaking it. Most leases have a 2-month buy out clause. You may have to give them 2 mos rent, but if it benefits your sitch, well worth it.