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Thanks sol! And right back at you! I have read your sitch too and I know this is just as hard on you too. Sometimes I like to think if I continue to take the high road I WILL FIND MYSELF IN A MUCH BETTER PLACE (with or without the H). I am a good person and I know how to be a friend because I have a great support group of friends! I did not deserve this from the H but I know he never meant for it to get soooooo out of hand. Hindsight is always 20/20...

Thanks sol! And right back at you! I have read your sitch too and I know this is just as hard on you too. Sometimes I like to think if I continue to take the high road I WILL FIND MYSELF IN A MUCH BETTER PLACE (with or without the H). I am a good person and I know how to be a friend because I have a great support group of friends! I did not deserve this from the H but I know he never meant for it to get soooooo out of hand. Hindsight is always 20/20...

Thanks sol! And right back at you! I have read your sitch too and I know this is just as hard on you too. Sometimes I like to think if I continue to take the high road I WILL FIND MYSELF IN A MUCH BETTER PLACE (with or without the H). I am a good person and I know how to be a friend because I have a great support group of friends! I did not deserve this from the H but I know he never meant for it to get soooooo out of hand. Hindsight is always 20/20...

Thank you!

I hope that the day will come when you are no longer "Heartbroken", but "Happy Heart"! I have decided to take the advice given to me a long time ago and start loving myself (not to be conceited), but I never really thought of myself as a happy person. It's not a new concept to me, just a forgotten one.

I was thinking earlier today, that if I end up finding myself single again, I should not have to worry about being lonely. My W caught on to that back a few months when I was crying and begging and asking "why"? I was going to lose the person that I have known for 10 years, but not seeing my daughter was the final straw - I had to try to work on my M - and on me!!!

SO now I find myself that I am not the person I want to be, and I have become unattractive. But guess what? Now that I am slowly but surely working on a new me, people are noticing. The days I am full of bounce and confidence I get more attention, and I am easy and fun to talk to. I even caught the attention of a single female at work! Now, I know better than to go there, but it was an ego boost and that showed me that there is life out there after all. Now, if I am becoming a more attractive person to people I don't know, how is my W going to view me? Good stuff!

Sol,

You are so right - we need to become better for US and if our WAS finally sees the light then it's that much better. I know I can meet other guys I have been told I deserve better it's just that in the plan of things H was ALWAYS part of the equation. I shock myself sometimes at how deeply I love him. But I need to love myself FIRST and this I am learning!!

H made of point of wanting to talk to me after saying his good nights to the kids last night. I think he's lonely (cannot talk to Ow till after 9 since they are work mins he's be using) and we enjoy talking to each other. It was upbeat and light and I made sure to end the convo first.

You are so awesome Your self-control is incredible!

After reading how great you are doing, I gave myself a HUGE attitude adjustment yesterday. My H came home last night with a bit of an attitude but I didn't buy into it and just responded nicely. We had a VERY enjoyable evening and he asked me to stay in the guest room with him. Yeah! This morning he was still very loving toward me. Feels so normal and yet that darn OW is looming in the background. GET LOST!

Thanks for your wonderful comments. I just keep trying - I did not do so good from Aug - Jan even with the DBing book read and re-read!! I think it took the final lie he told and me asking him to leave to get ME to see clearer!!

Last night I organized the kids school papers - something I do at the start of every school year - THIS DID NOT HAPPEN FOR THE 1st Time due to our Limbo sitch since 8/9/06. Well last night I threw out the S9 third grade stuff (he has only been in 4ht grade since Aug) and organized the 4th grade items. Finally I feel I am moving forward on things. I just have to - the problem with all our sitch's is that LIFE CONTINUES MOVING FORWARD though we are Paralyzed and spending so much time obsessing with the Affairs and OPs...

I did go to bed slightly sad - realizing how much I miss him. I thanked God for giving me the strength to see all of this through and told my H I still loved him and was not letting go. Cried a few tears and them went to sleep

I think that everyone has to go through that shock and panic stage before settling into doing what it takes to achieve the ultimate goal, don't you?

Good for you for getting that project done. I know that I almost missed paying some bills last month because I was so paralyzed. I take every day that I'm feeling to good to accomplish some task - be a super achiever on those good days!

Every night that I'm in my bed by myself, I go to sleep meditating and praying to God. It helps lead me into a more peaceful nights rest.

Lonley and Heartbroken,

Sometimes it takes a long time to stabilize. And things will get better.

Even when we get good at DB, bad feelings will cycle through.

It's like the stages of grief: sadness, denial, bargaining, anger, etc. Except with our marriages, until the divorce is busted or ends, we are living in constant grief. So I have found, that though I do better most of the time, I find these emotions cycling through again and again in "phases".

I don't know if you have experienced it. My therapist warned me about it and it's rather normal. It's not backsliding, it's just normal.

Had a crying bout today, even though there is some positive stuff going on in our marriage.

May I share something personal?

For several months I have praying to God that I could enter into my wife's grief. Last night we got some bad news that the house we are trying to buy isn't going to go through. (The seller is backing out of the contract) my wife and I went out for drinks. Really good time. I validated her emotions, didn't judge, I listened, and...she shared a lot of pain about her childhood that not getting the house brought up for her. And I really felt sympathy for her. I suggested that we consider moving to a different city, or out even out of state. She said she didn't want to do that, since she feels shaky about our marriage and feels uncomfortable starting life in a new place with ME. I even validated those feelings and didn't blink an eye.

But later that night and today -- What did I remember? That my prayer to enter my wife's pain was answered by God? That we were having drinks together? That I listened with empathy and detatchment? No...I ruminated on her statement about our marriage being shaky. So...I found a church near my office and went and cried.

She's been sayinf our marriage is shaky for about a year now. So it's no big deal. But it still hits you.

So...sometimes the feelings get the better of us. Even when things are more-or-less positive.

--Theoden