Matilda, I don't think I've ever posted to you before. I'm glad to see you in Piecing--wish I was, too. The boating class sounds fabulous! It's hard to find the line between giving space and feeling separate, and the line between interest and smothering, for that matter. I think you're doing well in this new leg of the journey.
Matilda, I've moved over to the MLC forum, as I believe my W and I are not in the Piecing phase at this time. I appreciate how you've checked in on me over the past months. I hope you continue to visit me. My thread is "Weekend Ghost Wife (GW)."
Any positives to report with your situation? Are you making progress with your GAL efforts?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Hey, Matilda. Look who crept in to take a look. Will try and catch up on this new thread of yours. Posted on my thread, with a special request filled for you.
TD
TwinDragon Thread #11-Dragon, flying - evaluating his world.
H and I have good and bad days.... as expected. Tonight is not so good. H is at drum corps practice. It's a new group, but many of the same ol' people will be there. Hate to even ask if xow is there. Even if she isn't everyone there knows about it. H is wearing wedding ring and keeps saying I have nothing to worry about, but it's only been 5 months since he "returned". I am concerned that "just one look" could turn things back.
I am being positive and light in my mood towards him, but inside I am feeling very ill.
Matilda, I understand that feeling. You are wise to keep your mood light with him. Is there something you can do on these nighs to ease that feeling? It could have a side benefit of making him wonder what you're up to.
Matilda, I too can handle the behavior part of my DB plan. It's the emotional part that is difficult. Is the emotional part getting any easier for you? It sounds like fear is the primary emotion for you.
In one of my writing exercises, we're supposed to write about events that happened in our lives, that we avoid thinking about. I wonder if it would be helpful to you to write about what you're afraid may happen in your situation.
You say that "one look could turn things back." I wonder if it would be helpful to take that phrase and write about it (even just several pages). You could write it as a piece of fiction (a story that happens to someone else) if that would make it easier. Maybe it would help you to understand your fears more clearly. It would be a way of facing the emotion(s), rather than carrying it inside of you.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Andy,Flip, TD, AMD and CL, thanks for stopping by. I'll have to investigate some more fun activites to add happiness (and mystery) to my life, as well as figure out the fear factor. That made me stop and wonder, CL. I had thought I only felt disappointment that our R hasn't been wonderful since H's "return" I'll give my feelings more thought this weekend.
Matilda, I'm glad I gave you some "food for thought" regarding identifying feelings that are nagging you. Let us know what you come-up with.
I'm also glad to hear you're contemplating adding more pleasant/meaningful activities to your life. I think this is so critical for the LBS, and for promoting/maintaining healthy boundaries.
The addition of my writing group has made it easier to detach and practice more appropriate boundaries. It is so nice to have an activity that doesn't involve her. It's also nice to pursue something based on my interests, rather than to improve a R (also important). I hope to cultivate my own set of friends/acquaintances over the next year.
Keep us posted as to your ideas, pursuits, and insights.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Hi Matilda - One of the constant challenges is to manage our own expectations; I know I still struggle with this. Every time NG does something nice, I expect something better the following time While you are working on the fear factor, how about breaking down what would be an 'ideal' R into simple one-task actions by H? Rank them from civil-relationship to can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other-relationship. Bet'cha things are slowly moving in the right direction.
While you are working on the fear factor, how about breaking down what would be an 'ideal' R into simple one-task actions by H? Rank them from civil-relationship to can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other-relationship. Bet'cha things are slowly moving in the right direction.