Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Its over...she filed part 2

You can do this. Remember, there is something better coming. You may not see it right now as things are much too dark, but a better life is on it's way. At least you know where you stand, officially, sad as it seems, this must bring a bit of relief. So now you have to figure out how to move on. What Alaska said about cutting out all contact except for in regards to your D is a good idea. You need time to process all of this. You also need to take the time to do whatever it is that you need to do to move on.

I've heard there is life after all of this mess. At the very least, you can close your eyes at night knowing you did everything you could possibly do to save your marriage. Your W cannot and I promise you that she WILL regret it later. What a foolish woman.

If it is really the end then I can't see any harm in following Alaska's advice. It will be better for you anyway not to see her as much, plus she can't jerk your chain for sh#ts and giggles. Time for a little payback SR. Try a web sit called vitalcoaching.com http://www.vitalcoaching.com/dating/formen/break_ups.htm

You might find it helpful. Listen to the sample MP3 and see what you think. Take care 4

Thanks 46956, the website and the sample MP3 sounds promising but how old is this kid Francisco 23? lol

For my own sanity I must believe that it's over. I have to find someone deserving of my love and all that I have to offer...

SR do you want to go through with this? If not, stall, figure out what she's needing from you, give it to her without being in her face about it and stall on the divorce........

It's up to you.

UA, I didn't want to go through with this but she's in the driver's seat. I've tried and tried she wouldn't even tell me what things she doesn't like in me. I don't think she knows or cares she just wants out...how can I do anything if she won't even talk to me about this. Look at the email she sent, it says she's moved on and she's not thinking about me. I've got to start believing this is over and I've got to start taking control of my life. Even if she comes back I'll always fear she could do this again, she's not trustworthy anymore. I don't want to be wrapped around her pinky and worry about every little argument, this is insane.

Here's my last email to her a couple of days ago in response to her's but has she bothered replying or even acknowledging? no. In fact, her lawyer sent the paperwork to my lawyer yesterday.


I understand what you're saying but I don't agree with everything. Forgetting something is different than forgiving something. You don't have to forget, it's not even possible most of the time. However, if you've truly forgiven the bad things then those shouldn't play a part in making the decisions for the future. That's what forgiveness is. When you ask God for forgiveness you're asking Him to forgive your mistakes and not base his decisions for you based on what's already been done.

The fact that there's such a positive environment for D right now is not because we're seperated but because I've worked very very hard to change my behavior. I've made peace with a lot of things. I've learnt to depend on myself for everything; cleaning the house, the kitchen, cooking, the litter box, laudary and most of all taking care of D. Are you saying none of this even matters to you? You talk about the fun times we've had together, why can't we have more of those and none of the fights? We can if you try even a little.

In regard to D, you're quick to mention she's OK with being with either of us but you don't talk about how many times she asks me about you crying, how many times she says she wants to go see mommy, how many times she wants to "wait for mommy", and how many times she asks you she wants to see her daddy. What about me? how many times I wish to see her when she's not here? how many times I want to see her sleep in peace and not wake up distrot wondering which house or room she's in. How many times I wish you were with me when I see two parents hanging out with their kid at the toy store or the park or the mall and the the look on D's face at that time and her cute comments like "he's with mommy and daddy" etc.

I know you don't like me to use your childhood as an example so I'll use mine. What we do in relationships is a learned behavior from our parents. What I did is how I saw my parents, to them the day to day arguments and ups and downs didn't matter. I don't agree with a lot of the things they did and in turn the things that I learnt from them and for that reason I've changed. By the same token what are we teaching D? that we couldn't resolve our issues and in such cases it's OK to just run away leaving your family behind?

I know I can help you with your issues from the past if you decide that it's time to stop running away from them and face them head-on. I promise to be with you every step of the way and I'll never let you lose your balance...

LOL, beacause 6 months ago, I'd only been seperated 1 month and didn't have ANY advice to give!!

SR-
How are you doing today? Are you hanging in there? You were right about what you wrote to your wife. I am here for you to help you get through this. YOU CAN DO THIS. If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, you are going to be one tough dude when this is done. hope you are limiting conversation and contact with her, almost completely. allow yourself to get angry. to get sad. to break something. do whatever it is you need to do to help yourself move on.

you really can get through this. remember, there is something MUCH BETTER on it's way for you.

take care, i'm thinking about you.

I'm surviving...I go through the emotional ups and downs throughout the day. I'm not getting angry for whatever reason. I only have good/fun thoughts to remember from the past.

I'd like to believe there's something much better on it's way but I feel like I'll never meet or find anyone again.

This is a typical fear that all of us have. Believe that you will someday meet the love of your life if your W does in fact end it. In the meantime, how are you going to meet that person if you are don't continue to work on yourself and be the best person you can possibly be and are irresitable to everyone.

Keep your chin up...

survival is hard. i really feel your pain. i wish you could get angry, seems to make things a bit easier to deal with. you are probably better offin the long run, however, to go through this grieving process as you are. feels a bit worse than if they were to have died - at least in death that person is gone for reasons that are out of anyones control.

i know i am sounding like a downer and kind of morbid, but sometimes all of the cheery advice just doesn't help. sometimes you just need someone to understand. i'm here for ya.