I read something in one of these threads in this forum, "Piecing ..." that when we get to this forum this is where the real "hard work" begins. I believe that. We will see, my H still has to say the magic words, "let's try again". However, I believe in planning ahead, I've always anticipated the other's moves (sometimes incorrectly of course) but I really think that when your H is ready, just as the pleading, begging, crying episodes didn't get you anywhere in "drawing" them back to you, nor will the distancing or other games we play get them to STAY with you, only showing them the love they so desired when they were with you. I feel that I am better prepared when, yes when, I do get to this phase. Cross your fnigers that it is sooner rather than later. Besides, I like myself better when I have the INTENTION to love the best I can, rather than the worst I can. I really think you are an angel Lisa, whether you were one before or not, you have been reborn. Serenity Sarah
Sarah, just read over your reply to me again, had to smile at it. I'm nothing special, just someone who wanted to share what worked for me. Although my H never actually 'said' let's start over, that is what we are doing and this is a man who told me back in April, 2 months after bomb that he held out NO hope for us. I read the book "the 5 love languages" and found that he is 2 of them, kind words and physical affection. I held out on both for so, so long. Not anymore, and he responds to it. Of course all of this is especially helpful if you know that your spouse still cares for you like I knew mine did, even though he had himself convinced he was totally done with me. But I think that all these WAS's still care, no matter what they say. They are just hardheaded with a lot of pride. Too much sometimes. And they start thinking about that "greener grass" out there (or so they think) and get a little excited about it. It really is a shame. Lisa
Lisa, In reading a lot of the posts on this "Piecing.." forum, I really see that there are still going to be issues and discussions, and it's typically not a cake walk if and when we do commit to the M again. I also see that the decision to commit again doesn't come typically as a decision, "Let's give it another go", but develops slowly. In the same way that getting our WAS's to take another look by changing ourselves, when we get back into the M again, we still have control over ourselves and how we can change. What we can change is our reaction, or intention. I just really like the "are you going out of your way to show the love". It's not about guilt or "working on the R" or "for the kids" or about keeping score. Just being as loving as you can and maybe giving them the love as they need it. My H does everything for everybody. He really wants to be loved, by being appreciated, listened to, respected. At the same time, I know that I would love to take all the blame, and then somehow, in some magic way, I could fix it right? You said something once, they have to change, too. Another phrase I hang onto. I just really like your method of looking at all this. Serenity Sarah
