Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy He cannot get over the OW help us...

And you and your heart are a lot stronger then you realize!!

Thanks for the vote of confidence - I intend to hang in there until he tells me differently and then who knows what! I am off to shop will check in later!

THat was probably one of the biggest steps for me. The sheer determination that I was NOT going to be the one to give up on my M!! Good for you

Heartbroken,

Let him come to the house...only if you want to.

What do you want? If you want him helping because you're desperate to see him, then he'll end up only coming around to relieve guilt and will want to high tail it out of there ASAP. If he comes because you allow it, and are in firm control. then maybe you can play mind-gimes...errrr...I mean Divorce Bust ;-)

But, hun you CAN'T be at his beck and call. Those days are over, for good.

Can that limited contact be used to your advantage? Sure..when he's around, make sure ALWAYS look good, you control the level of interactions, you break off conversations and leaving him wanting more. Show some spine, but show some sass.

Make him so hot for you that he'll fantasize about ravishing you in the kitchen and garage. He'll want to have an affair with you!!! Be the illicit, red-hot, steamy seductress. But don;t hand it to him...make him earn it. Let him burn with anticipation.

And you know what?....you'll be able to rebuild this marriage on your terms. View this situation as a death -- a necessary death that will lead to recurrection. And your new marriage will be better than the old one.....much better, for both of you.

--Theoden

Good morning all!

B4 I left to shop kids called to say hi and H got on phone saying there was a friend issue w/D(12) and her writing some nasty things. A Mom, lets call her Mrs. S, stopped H to talk about our daughters - well Mrs. S --WAS-- friends with Ow - but now they are not talking. H & I agreed to talk to D when I got to apt later around 7.

Well shopping was ok - got sad and called a girlfriend who pepped me up saying this is not my fault and I have many friends who are out there who will support me and cannot stand the Ow at this point. I need to hold my head high and hang tight!

Shopped and stopped for sale grocery items - some to take to H apt - which he was grateful for. We sat done with D and together we talked about writing things down and the consequences of this. It all got resolved and I told H I would call Mrs. S. H and I had some positive convos and then the kids and I left for home. Good ending of the eve.

Got home and talked to Mr. S first since he is not so dramatic - he is sad of our sitch (we were all friends and they are neighbors of the Ow). He said Mrs. S is done with Ow for good now too she has told too many lies and is hurting too many people. Well I asked to speak to Mrs. S and we talked about what was going on and I asked why her and the Ow had a falling out. Mrs. S said she was lied to directly to her face multiple times and that she was being used by Ow. She is done with her.

My dilemma is that Mrs. S can VERIFY the extent that Ow was sleeping with at least one other guy (she had two she was seeing) while profressing her soul-mate love for my H. I know Ow talks her way out of it with H saying she's trying to make him jealous or she thought we (H & I) were trying to reconcile (yeah for a full two weeks in Jan - when they were supposedly apart) so I am not sure what Mrs. S can actually say if anything to H that will help. Mrs. S has offered to talk to H....

Do I mention to H that if he wants more of the truth to go and talk to Mrs. S???? Or do I just stay out of it and let Ow hang herself. I did not sleep at great last night because this new revelation is weighing heavily on my heart. I feel I am being sucked back into the VORTEX of drama again and I do not want to be there. What if anything do I say to the H???? Please help! I feel I can let him know the info without pushing him further away - but will it make a diff if I say it at all???

I just want to know what I did evey day of my life when I was not stressing over this sitch?????? I cannot remember life before Aug 9, 2006. I feel just stuck and just want out sometimes!

personally I wouldn't mention it. Even though your motives are semi-pure, he might see it as an attack on ow.......

That's a tough one. I think you need to figure out a way to get the dirt to your H without it actually coming from/through you... hmmm...I know that anything that I have said about OW's lies are just discredited as coming from someone who doesn't know anything or I am informed that I don't know what reality is or what she is really all about.. So, you have to be really careful about how the information is passed on to H. Is it really new information?? Didn't he just kind of blow off the fact that she was with someone else while you were "reconciling"?

I know what you mean about stepping out of the drama. I guess that's the key - don't let yourself get sucked in.. just let her hang herself. They always show their true colors in the end!

Heartbroken,

Yes, I mark my life differetnly from the bomb. The whole sense of living in a safe world was blown to bits.

This might help: Give yourself a week to think about Mrs. S's information. You have time. Don't panic, don't rush. Play your cards well.

Classic DB will say, don't involve more people, it creates drama. It will make you lose focus on GAL and 180. You will spend all you energy on worrying about the effect each conversation that others have with your husband. You are already losing sleep.

It will also embitter Mr and Mrs. S towards your husband if you guys reconcile. You hysband will resent being considered a "problem" in the commnunity. It will make your piecing together stage longer. In addition, if Mrs. S talks to him, it will feel to your husband like a tactic of yours to push him and the OW apart, which might actually draw them closer together. There's nothign like persecution to make them feel like romantic martyrs, like Romeo and Juliet.

In addition, will anything Mrs. S will say really tarnish the OW's image to your husband? I don't know.

--Theoden

I would not mention anything to H about what you learned. You say you feel you are being sucked into the drama... so go with your gut feelings and stay out of the drama.

Whatever you say to H about the OW will only look like you are jealous and trying to break up what they have. H will not look positively on this. Remember he is not thinking clearly these days.
This relationship with H and OW will end and it sounds like it wont be pretty when it does. To the extent you can stay out of it you should. You will feel better about yourself in the long run. Also try not to talk about the situation with Mr and Mrs S, again to the extent that you can stay out of the mess and try concentrate on "you" and the kids then you will feel that much better about yourself. Feeling good about yourself is the ultimate key to staying strong during these very difficult times.

Thanks gals and guys!

I think I knew the answer b4 posting! Losing sleep over something can show you the way sometimes. I will keep the Mrs. S info to myself for now.

I just need to remember the phrase I read somewhere out here to the effect: If what I am going to say to H is going to push us apart - don't say it! This is hard for me to remember!

Thanks for the input. We have family dinner tonight and he has the kids Friday eve and SaturDAY - I suggested maybe a family movie on Sunday and H seemed VERY up for it!

I figure if he is with us so much he makes Ow mad or lies to her about all the time he is with us. Which ulitmately helps bring down their house of cards R!!!!