My H says that I do not show him I love him and by that he means physical touch and ML.. while we are intimate he says he does not ever feel me present except for when ... Ive had a few drinks....
Here's how I feel about W not being able to be intimate. I feel like I have a disease, like I'm not good enough for her, like there's something wrong with me, like she does'nt like me or love me, like I'm shackeled and stuck in a cage that I can't get out of. It makes me want to D her, and go find a woman that'll want to have sex with me. A woman that enjoy's a good orgasm, and isn't afraid to show it. You see, one of the biggest turn on's for a guy, is a woman who's turned on. It's not a porno kind of thing, it's a sharing of the love thing. It's a communication that is deep and very hard to describe, but it lets us guys know that we are needed, loved, and appreciated, like a warm piece of fresh baked apple pie. We come away with the satisfaction of knowing that our woman just recieved the fullest of the love we can possibly deliver.
Being refused good sex is the ultimate rejection. It's like a kid pouring his soul into a work of art, or writing beautiful story, and being super excited to show it to his mom, only to find mom uninterested or not even care to see it. Makes you just want to tear it up and throw it away.
Personally, it's the cruelest thing I've ever had to face. I'd much rather have her be rude, ugly, short tempered, air headed, etc. Just about anything but frigid. IMHO, if you want to stay M, and you don't want H to go find OW, then enjoy a nice glass of wine every evening, and then enjoy a good poke from your H! Now that's livin lady!
Quote:
I will admit that I try so very hard not to think about anything ( the OW the past and my insecurities) but showing him the great love I have for him and yet I seem to fall short and if you remember he has her name tattoed on his chest,, so I thought I was giving im the best of me and hiding the rest but he clearly feels my guardedness,,,
Well I'm sure I'd feel a little weird seeing OW name on him, but it's just sex OK? He made a dumb mistake with the tatoo. Just enjoy the sex! Cut loose and give that man, and yourself, the sex of a lifetime. Then call my W and tell her how she ought to do the same for her H.
Sex should not get mixed up in personal differences. It should be like brushing your teeth, you do it every day no matter if you're mad or sad or whatever. Don't get it mixed up with all the other confusing emotions that are runnin around. Just have a glass of wine, dance naked in front of the mirror, whatever you need to get you a little warm, and then give that man the whole of you! Teach him how to bring you to climax like only YOU know how to climax and scream outloud how good it feels.
It's a blessing from God to you and your H. Keeping your H from good sex, is keeping him from one of the greatest blessings that God has given a M.
To hell with the OW, that's over and done with. This is your opportunity to show your man that you're better than that OW could ever be. You want to mope around feeling sorry for yourself and witholding your gifts then so be it. Be a slave to your feelings and see how far that gets you.
I suggest it's time you teach your man a lesson, right there under the covers.
God Bless Your Love Making,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Ok, COG, so if what you say is true, how do I deal with my H who can't seem to put both the sex and his wife together in the same package. His A's were with escorts (who he says is ok having sex with because he doesn't respect them) however he is friends with me and respects me and can't associate the two of them being in the same package - explain that one. If I express my love etc. etc. to him it turns him off
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Oh GOD,,you have given me a gift ,, and I cannot thank you enough for this.... I am still crying and I am so glad you explained really HOW ugly it makes a man feel this is what I needed to hear to get my ass in gear. GOD BLESS YOU ,,, GOD BLESS YOU AND MAY HE BLESS YOU AGAIN,, REALLY AND TRULY YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY. ~~~ THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ I am going to have to figure out How to print this and read it daily for a very, very long time......
You are so right its is amazing.....
I used to scream and moan and enjoy myself with him soo much ...
( and I briefly did this when we were seperated , I DO BELIEVE THAT IS WHAT MADE HIM COME HOME AGAIN.
AND I DO REMEMBER HIM SAYING ~~~"HE WAS SCARED..." ~~~ but he was not specific.
..... WHEN WE RECONCILED.
NOW I KNOW WHY!!!
I HAVE ONCE AGAIN DENIED HIM THE BEST OF ME AND THOUGHT MY LOVE WAS ENOUGH,, REALLY HOW FOOLISH)
....and it has been far too long ( years) and wow that is REALLY painful what you wrote about how I am making him feel.
~~~~ My God and he stays with me and I am mot giving him what he wants most. I feel like such a fool.~~~~~
I will never be able to thank you enough but when I am making love and getting it right..... ... your insight will be what made me get my head on straight and out of my A**.
You are one super human being and I am so proud to know you,, really I am . You have just made me cry some more and really opened up my eyes,, Thanks again you are awesome. GOD BLESS YOU COG YOU ARE TRULY A WONDERFUL MAN, AN INSPIRATION. THANKS FOR THE ADVICE AND THE SMALL KICK IN THE A**. Love, Ali
~~~~Enjoy the sex, and let me know how things work out. I'd love to see the look on your H's face after you get ahold of him. ~~~~
I am looking forward to it too.... he is out of the country at the moment and just a few days ago he professed to me on the phone his pain but he could not put THE PAIN into words like you did for me.
He also sadly told me he has been telling me for years VERY TRUE and that I WILL LISTEN AND SAY I GET IT AND THEN I AM GOOD FOR A DAY AND THEN I GO BACK TO THE ME THAT DOESNT SHOW AFFECTION.
For the most part I truly wanted to get what he was telling me but really until you put it like that in black and white,, I was feeling desperate and feeling like I was never going to get it. crazy as that sounds,,,,
I knew it is was a simple as being open and sexual and not being a slave to my emotions but just in the way you expressed the pain it made it real for me. I imagined my H saying this to me and the pain I am causing him. And I really see I have alot of work to do on myself...
I am robbing us of happiness a happiness I am so desperately seeking and My H as well. He made a mistake but he deserves for me to be present and for me to love him and you know what I deserve to love myself too.
I need to do alot of work and I had read the book Passionate Marriage back in June of last year and borrowed it to my Aunt..... and have since called my Aunt to borrow it back!
I know that your post WAS BIG FOR ME IT MADE THE PAIN I CAUSE HIM SO TANGIBLE... IT WAS LIKE I JUST DIDNT HEAR HIM OR SOMETHING. IT IS REALLY HARD TO EXPLAIN....
I HEARD HIM BUT I think I was getting defensive inside and just didnt really know how bad I made him feel. If when I make love I am making him feel bad cause he really cant feel my heart then what kind of gift is that?
Sorry for rambling sweetie ,, this is just so big for me... I cant wait to see the looooooooooooooook on his face either and the day after and the day after.
I think I am going to also invest in a YOGA DVD,,, the physical release is good for me and the flexibility he will love even more . I took it last year for 2 months ~~YOGA~~~ and he was in heaven when he saw me after 2 months being flexible and passionate now that WAS awesome !!! You have made such a difference in my day and I have a clear vision now,, God I hope I can do this and stop being a slave to my emotions,, no I will do it He wont be home for 4 weeks or more and when he gets here I will let you know if I blew his mind or not...... THANKS AGAIN AND GOD BLESS you , you have surely blessed me......
FORD THANK YOU,, I am blushing..... YES I SURELY WILL TRY!!!!!! SHE HAS BEEN HIDING FOR FAR TOO LONG.......I have a a month to work on being `~Alicialicscious~` now that sure is funny. I am laughing at myself , haha haha. I will keep you all posted. In my own thread of course. Thanks you all, you are the best. Even better than a Martini.... Thanks again COG and for letting me hijack your thread too, you are such a gentleman! LOVE ,Ali
Here's how I feel about W not being able to be intimate. I feel like I have a disease, like I'm not good enough for her, like there's something wrong with me, like she does'nt like me or love me, like I'm shackeled and stuck in a cage that I can't get out of. It makes me want to D her, and go find a woman that'll want to have sex with me. A woman that enjoy's a good orgasm, and isn't afraid to show it. You see, one of the biggest turn on's for a guy, is a woman who's turned on. It's not a porno kind of thing, it's a sharing of the love thing. It's a communication that is deep and very hard to describe, but it lets us guys know that we are needed, loved, and appreciated, like a warm piece of fresh baked apple pie. We come away with the satisfaction of knowing that our woman just recieved the fullest of the love we can possibly deliver.
Being refused good sex is the ultimate rejection. It's like a kid pouring his soul into a work of art, or writing beautiful story, and being super excited to show it to his mom, only to find mom uninterested or not even care to see it. Makes you just want to tear it up and throw it away.
Personally, it's the cruelest thing I've ever had to face. I'd much rather have her be rude, ugly, short tempered, air headed, etc. Just about anything but frigid. IMHO, if you want to stay M, and you don't want H to go find OW, then enjoy a nice glass of wine every evening, and then enjoy a good poke from your H! Now that's livin lady!
COG, I am so deeply sorry that your sitch has gotten to the point where you have this realization. Perhaps what is so poignant to me is that it so precisely describes what 16 out of 22 years of my former M were like.
Reading this passage reminded me of times when because of what you wrote, I'd find myself curled up in a ball alone on the couch trying to prevent myself from weeping.
I know exactly what you mean, the pain of being denied is immense and horrid particularly when it's coming from someone that claims that they love you but looking back in hindsight, DBing has taught me to observe actions over words.
Since the failure of the reconciliation, I have been blessed once again by God and He has bought someone into my life with which we share a common values of spirituality, culture, R and vision of our future. As far as the issues of which this thread is about, those issues and feelings are well and truly in the past, never again to be tolerated. Sharing deeply loving intimacy with someone you love and they love you is a one of the greatest gifts from God and I once again find myself weeping over it. But this time, it is tears of joy.
God Bless, Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
