It was a fantastic surprise - it was hours ago and I haven't stopped smiling about it yet!
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Too bad Diary of a Mad Housewife has already been written.
LOL!!! Maybe we should just all club together and write our little tales down in one book!
H is at work this weekend but I'm still going to make it great for me and S. I'm so glad I've pulled myself out of the slump I was in earlier this week with a lot of help from you guys thank you. Hope you have a great weekend too.
Weekend was very quite as H was working and was asleep rest of time! He hasn't kissed me since THE kiss on Friday and I can feel myself getting panicky about it and want to ask him about it. Last night though he did the sweetest thing - he ran me a bath and lit candles everywhere and put S to bed while I relaxed in the bath!!! He said everything was good and getting better and that giving each other treats like that was how it should be. Then this morning S apparently woke up when H came in from his shift at 7am and he took him downstairs and dressed him and gave him breakfast and tidied the kitchen so I could lie in. I wondered what was happening when I got up and noone else was in bed!
So all the above things are good signs I know and were wonderful. What I wonder is if this one kiss a week kind of thing is how H wants it to be when we are properly together or if it is just during this interim period of him sorting out his head. I'm trying really hard not to ask questions so I'll ask it here - not that anyone knows what is in his head but you might have a take on it. It just freaks me out that he kisses me like that and it doesn't make him want more or want to do it again like it does me.
WOW!! That was great of him to do that for you. I mean him actively taking a part in putting things back together is really a giant step. Maybe he is seeing how HE felt about kissing you, and thinking about when he should do it again, so as to show you he feels things for you, but not to rush it along. It's like when my H sometimes does something affectionate on his own without me doing it first, he is learning to do it at his own pace, again. Like yesterday, he and S were leaving, and he came to me to hug and kiss me goodbye. But, then later on when he was leaving again, he didn't do it at all.
Weekend was very quite as H was working and was asleep rest of time! He hasn't kissed me since THE kiss on Friday and I can feel myself getting panicky about it and want to ask him about it. Last night though he did the sweetest thing - he ran me a bath and lit candles everywhere and put S to bed while I relaxed in the bath!!! He said everything was good and getting better and that giving each other treats like that was how it should be. Then this morning S apparently woke up when H came in from his shift at 7am and he took him downstairs and dressed him and gave him breakfast and tidied the kitchen so I could lie in. I wondered what was happening when I got up and noone else was in bed!
So all the above things are good signs I know and were wonderful.
This is a-w-e-s-o-m-e my friend!! Your H gets brownie points...BIG TIME!!
Now relax as the ML can't be too far away.
love rainbowlove ------------------------ JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
Yes it was great that he did all those things - really lovely - it was like having my old H back again thank goodness. Perhaps you're right on the kissing thing - I don't know - it just doesn't make sense to me but then I suppose I'm not an alien! At least I know it must be normal for them if you're H does things like that too or do you think maybe we just read too much into everything since being bombed?? I'm sure if I think back it didn't even occur to me to think if H had kissed me or not every day but it is like paramount importance now!
This is a-w-e-s-o-m-e my friend!! Your H gets brownie points...BIG TIME!!
Yes he does deserve some brownie points!
We had a little chat about the ML sitch last night in bed. H sensed something was wrong I think and asked me what I wanted to ask (he can read me like a book). He said some very positive things. He had been talking about a holiday earlier in the evening and pointed out that it is a good sign because he's talking about the future. (sure he's been reading DR because it says that in there!!) He said that if things keep improving like they are there is no doubt in his mind we will get to the point where we ML as if you are happy with something (meaning me) why would you want to get rid of it. He also said that he likes cuddling up to me and that it feels like home now! (that brought a tear to my eye) I asked if he thought I was being impatient and he said no he knows I just want things to be normal again and I said I just want him to take me in his arms and love me (I know not good DBg) and he said he does love me. Does that count as saying ILY do you think - I think its pretty close.
So very positive vibes coming from my H. I said I'm scared I'm going to mess things up because of how no kissing or ML makes me feel and he said I won't. I wish I knew what he knows because he seems so happy with how things are like he knows it will all be OK and yet I still feel terrified it won't be.
Oh and he deserves more brownie points for yesterday because he tidied the dinner pots while I bathed S - without being asked again!!
Your H is just taking it slow it sounds like InP. Btw, we need to change your name from Inpain to Inbliss! They say, "we are what we call ourselves". Very profound, yes?
Your H is in a good place it sounds like. ML to him might be the piniacle of intimacy and maybe not his primary Love Language (if you've read Gary Chapman's book). It is yours, and that's why when he backs of physically, you descend into fear. That's just a difference between the two of you Inbliss! Nothing to fear or worry about.
H is SHOWING YOU HIS LOVE WITH ACTIONS. I know that you want the ML action, but to him his actions are maybe even more important than ML right now. Just relax and when you feel yourself getting fearful, just make a quick list in your head about all the great things about H and your M...That should help your anxiety to dissipate.
Also remember that couples are mirrors of each other. The more fearful you become, the more likely you will MAKE H fearful. So really focus on the positive.
Have you made a gf yet? How about making a connection with a new aquaintance? I really think that you should push your limits here to grow socially. Develop this part of yourself and just let the pressure off the M and ML for now.
Set a goal to not bring up ML for at least a week. And make a decision to have the happiest, best, most productive week ever! Remember, the future is what we imagine it to be. Don't let life happen to you, make it happen!
You are in a beautiful, loving, generous M and you are married to a very very compassionate, mature human being. Just bask in that for a whole week. Continue to love yourself physically in terms of grooming yourself and say to yourself that you love yourself.
And H saying that he loves you it as good as saying ILY.
Remember to see your H through the eyes of God and also to see yourself that way. That will help you have patience with both yourself and your H.
The next time you post, it has to be something about YOU! Do not mention H or ML! I want to hear about what you did for yourself or something that you did that was different and that pushed you out of your comfort zone. A real good 180! Now go!
love you sweetie...you are an inspiration, never forget that.
rainbowlove ----------------------- JG is coming back to me and we're going to have a family. Positive thinking!
I always love your posts they are guaranteed to make me feel better, thank you. Now can I have a dispensation to make my next post about me me me please as I need to talk about the points you've raised!! PLEEEEAASE?
Firstly I love Inbliss as a new name!! I will change my name to that right away!
I have read Gary Chapman's book yes and it made a lot of sense to me. I already knew really that my PLL's are ML and quality time. I haven't really managed to figure out what H's main one is and I kind of explained a little of it to him and he said he thought all of them together were his!?!? If his are based primarily on what he does for me is what he would like then it is receiving gifts and acts of service.
You are right on the mirrors thing too because if I act like I'm great H seems great too.
I haven't made a gf no. I honestly wouldn't know where to start. I started going to parent and toddler sessions when H left with that aim for me as well as for S but being in a small village it really is very mumsy lets stay at home and bake cakes kind of a gathering. Which I haven't a problem with as I do that too but what I mean is noone seems to be itching for a friend if you know what I mean.
I will set another goal to not mention ML for a week. I actually made that promise to myself last Tues but broke it on Friday. That was still quite good for me though so I will try again starting now. I already fluffed it up tonight as I felt at the end of my tether and just wanted to scream. I just don't understand the needing time thing and that is that. H has said that we both want a complete R so the only obstacle is time.??????? I don't get this. There must be an obstacle stopping it happening now. Time is the cure for the obstacle not the obstacle itself. ( hope you followed that)
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And H saying that he loves you it as good as saying ILY.
Yes I think so too. Tonight he said he loves me more than anyone else in the whole world. That has made me soooo happy to hear those words I cannot describe.
OK POSITIVE THINKING HERE........MY D IS WELL AND TRULY BUSTED AND I'M CHANGING MY NAME TO INBLISS.......!!!!
Edited to say - I've just tried to change my name and it doesn't look like you can anymore or else I'm being really dumb. Anyone know how?
Yes he does deserve some brownie points!