Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Huband just moved in with OW

Danu,
I have read your story, and i shake my head in agreement with so many things you have said.

Yes I too have discoved an OW, she was his "friend" since he left our home Feb of last year.

I too, fell on the floor crying,, but I drooled on the bathroom floor instead of the carpet

I had a good booger cry, this past monday too, see, we are sisters already.

You are detaching and GAL very good, I am not a bar person either, but girl, i love me some wine.

Yoga huh? yup we have alot of yoga doers here. I myself don't like it, but good for you.

I find buying shoes puts a big smile on my face.

You sharing your story is so helpful to others.

keep posting ok

Danu,

It sounds like you are doing great.

Nothing really to offer except a welcome to our world and sorry you are here.

Take care of you,
Shades

Thank you all for the warm welcome! While I'm sorry that any of us are here, I am greatful that we all have each other! It feels good to be here, and that's what it's all about, us feeling good! I do not feel like I'm detached enough yet. Gotta work on that. He could show up here at any minute to get more stuff, and that really makes me feel anxious. Also, coming home from work not knowing if more of his stuff (or mine) is gone feels the same way. And, I'm dependant on him for money. I work part time, (his idea) and I not only love my job, but my boss and co-workers are great. Hopefully I can get in full time in a year or so. I told him I refuse to quit, as I can't lose everything at once!!!!! So far he's been good about money at least.

Danu

Just put it in your mond, that he may not always be good about money.

get a savings account of your own, your name, and put away a little from every pay check

YIKES. Sorry you're here. But, as you can see, it's sadly a familiar story. Ugh .

You're doing great. We all hit the bottom and cry and let it out -- again and again. We're human and dealing with such loss, such madness.

Jack has a great expression for this: good things happen, leave them with that day and be cautious.

Could not be more true.

He will rewrite history. Turn things around you never thought possible. He will lie to you about EVERYTHING, even silly things. He will tell lies about you to everyone. He will drain your $ (KEEP YOUR $ SEPARATE...I thought my H was not bad at first, then when I moved out, he blew through a LOT of cash). He will ignore the kids, be a sorry excuse of a father. He will "fall in love" only for it to be a pathetic bandaid. He will make a fool of himself to everyone. He will likely falter at work and in other aspects of his life. He will treat you more poorly than you ever imagined being treated by anyone, let alone your H.

Sounds grim? No. Just reality. And, I want to tell it to you now, so it dampens the pain a little. I hope a lot of this does not happen.

But, detach, GAL, move on. He will likely get sick of that OW. They all do.

And don't forget, you are WONDERFUL. BEAUTIFUL. WORTHY.

Hello Always!

Yes, he has re-written our history, the last 14 years were horrible for him he says-I and our good friends know differently. He got his own checking account shortly after the bomb, and 1/2 of his check goes in there and the other 1/2 into our joint account. So far he's written me a check to deposit into the joint account to pay bills. Yes, I know I need my own account, and will get one.

We don't have any children, a mutual agreement, but now I'm hearing otherwise-that he wanted kids and I wouldn't do it. We have pets, and he's gone from ignoring them, and not participating in their care to coming back around and at least being their "dad" again, helping with their care and interacting with them almost as much as he used to. But now that he's left he hasn't been back to see them. Which is fine, he needs to stay GONE!


And yes, he is making such a fool of himself. He met OW at work, and the two of them are parading around together there like a couple of teenagers. When I learned of all these antics I was embarrased of him and for him! But, it's his behavior and I wont let it effect me!

I knew all this was coming.......but when this stuff finally happens to you, even after reading about it, it still hurts so bad!

When all this happened last March, I sat down and really looked at myself and my marriage, and my part in this mess. His complaints were/are so far fetched that I refuse to take responsibility for this mess. Yes, I'm overweight, I'll give him that. Have I discussed this with him on many occasions? Yes, and he always said he loved me the way I am. Do I smoke? Yes (until recently) but he's smoked all his adult life. I could go on and on. Each thing he complained about were issues we'd mutually agreed to. These were all things that could have been re-negotiated very easily, and are poor excuses for bad behavior. Thank you for reminding me that I'm wonderful! It's nice to hear.

Was my marriage perfect? Hell no. He didn't believe married people should ever disagree, so he'd get very upset when we did. To the point of leaving and refusing to discuss the subject. Looking back I can see that he's probably been suffering from depression for a very long time. He had a rotten childhood. Mom died when he was 4 and his dad when he was 11. They were strict Penticostals, no dancing, no swimming in mixed company, etc. (don't mean to offend the Penticostals) They were beaten with a belt if they didn't get out of bed in the morning, stuff like that. And, they were poor. He's always been satisfied with the bare minimum, no house maintentance, let alone finish a remodel job. Didn't take care of his nice car, didn't care if the grass was mowed, etc. With all that being said, he was the kindest, most loving, do anything for me kind of guy. He's sick, and I know that. That's why I can still love him unconditionally.

If I learn nothing else from all of this, I have learned that I have the capacity for unconditional love, and that's just glorious!!!!

Danu

Danu -
Your thread is a treasure to read. You really have yourself together to the best of your ability. Tho it's lousy to have to be here - it is the best place to be for those of us left behind.

Thank you for sharing your story. You will do well - it is obvious.

I'm sorry you're here, but always remember - you are truly special, no matter what lies they spread about you.

brue

Sounds like you are on the right path-your strength is showing,and you can be an example to others Peace

Todays update:

The physical ramifications of dealing with H in MLC.

I wound up in the ER today, my blood pressure went WAY up. (I've always been borderline high) My fingers on my left hand started to go numb, then my left arm started to ache. I was feeling lightheaded (I attributed that to the fact that I was off the cigarettes) So, after an EKG, CAT scan, blood work & chest X-ray, all of which turned out fine, I am now on high blood pressure meds! And I also got an RX for Xanex (don't know how to spell it, and since I took one I'm too mellow to care about my spelling!)

I was having such a GREAT day at work! After two days of worry about the possiblity that HE may show up at the house, as he had the last two days off, I had psyched myself up to just enjoy my day and not think about him. When I told the ER Doc my story, he said he's seen it before, that sometimes this kind of thing hits you AFTER the anxiety.

True to form H came today while I was working and took all of his hunting guns, gun cabinet and other gun related stuff.

I thought this might be valuable information for some people. The high blood pressure meds I'm on are the kind you DON't have to take the rest of your life if you get it under control. Funny thing is, H just had the same thing happen to him about 6 months ago. Only he's doesn't know that he caused his own stress by creating this tragic situation.

I'm smokin' a cigarette as I'm typing this. I'll quit again in a day or two.

Thanks for listening, and I hope this info helps someone else. I sure appreciate all the support I'm getting from you folks. It really helps to know that you all think I'm on the right track. And a special thanks to Marcika, who was there for me today. We went out to a late lunch after my trip to the ER. She's one of the friends I told you all about!

Danu

I am glad that you had Marcika there for you.
Don't worry about the cigarettes as nasty as they are, I have quit ohhh 3 times so far on this trip.

My wife did the same thing in March or April, total crash and all phantom pains and aches for a month. She came to her own conclusion that it was her head doing this to her.

Take care of yourself this evening.