Does he care? Right now, no. In fact, he would be relieved if you died in a car accident. Sorry, but that's probably true. Then, in a couple of months from now, you might feel relieved if he died in a car accident. And guess what? If this works out between the two of you, those feelings will change.
Um, ouch. Maybe a little harsh? I don't believe any of us, including the MLC'ers causing all this pain, would wish death upon any of us. JMO.
OB, It may be difficult to find pro marriage support; I have found it that way, too. Esp. for some of us that have been at this for a few years. But this BB is full of pro marriage people that will offer up advice and help when you need it most.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I don't have alot of girlfriends, but they are supportive of whatever I want to do (while cautioning me). I understand your friends, but I think you might want to tell them that their pressuring you isn't helping. You can think about how much and if you want to share with them.
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I joined a divorce/separartion group and they meet in a few weeks. I'm not sure about it because I want to try and surround myself with por-marriage individuals but right now, there is no one???
Wrong, you have us here. Most people don't know how to help others deal with pain and death, so they want them to move on. It's easier for the ones who love you. If you find you need someone to physically talk to let me know. We can work something out. I know that just hearing myself actually say things makes me really think about it. I went to a C (one session) and she suggested a crisis group a depression group and a divorce group. I have a T-shirt from similar group stuff and I haven't gone there yet b/c I don't think it's right for ME. Feel free to go and tell them if you see it's a whinning group that only supports "moving on". It's fair to give it a shot though, you might find like minded folks who would love a pro-marriage solution based session. You could help someone else by giving them a direction they didn't know about. All the while helping yourself with whereever it is you want to go.
Great advice! i am going to try it, but I need to stay focused on finding out who I am now, surrounding myself with "por marriage" individuals and staying very busy. I would love to chat live someday. There are times I just need an ear who knows what I'm going through. I'm also in California (actually SF Bay Area). I stayed at work late, just trying to avoid coming home. A girfriend moved in to help me out $$ and she needed a place to rent. Thank goodness, I'd go mad alone in my house. It sounds so wierd to think of it as mine only, at least for now. So I have to ask everyone:
Do you all still wear your ring? I refuse to take mine off, I am still married and committed.
Are you dating? Some have suggested that I go out on dinner dates. I don't want to nor think that it's correct. I understand that my H will date or has OW but I am not open to it. How can I claim to want to save my marriage and do what he is doing?
Find pro-marriage friends, wherever you can. Again, church is a good place to start. I can recoomend a few good ones in the Bay Area.
Wear your ring. You are still married.
Will dating really help your DB efforts? Your marriage isn't over yet. The temptation to receive love and affirmation from another man will be strong right now. Someone on this board made a promise to herself that she wouldn't date until the divorce was final. That's sound advice to me.
Theoden, you have a knack for telling me exactly what I need. I thought long and hard and I know that wearing my ring keeps me connected to him. I feel somewhat whole with it on. Dating is for singles and I am MARRIED! I keep reminding myself that it will be a long road and I am trying to focus on the things that I want. I have made a small list to start...
1. Take an Adobe Element class (late March) 2. Gun safety Class (it's okay we already owned guns and I have no intention of hurting myself or anyone else for that matter. I have always enjoyed going to the range, but counted on him to clean and take care of things after. I need to figure it out for myself 3. Weekend away (March 2-4) A girfriend invited me and I just booked my ticket. 4. Remind myself daily that it's a slow process but worth it!
I would love any recommendation for a pro Marriage group/church in the Bay Area.
Thank you & Everyone for your friendship and honesty
Yes....you are still married. And your marriage is in process going through a rough spot...but you are still married.
Excellent activities. You go for it.
I also suggest excercise: nature's anti-depressant. It'll also make you feel and look sexier/powerful.
The whole idea of hobbies/interests that consume your attention, where you lose your sense of time have amazing curative properties. Tennis, golf, rock-climbing, painting, karate, etc.
I find that biking, or simple repetitive cardio activity that doesnt require extreme focus makes me worse. The blood gets circulating, and the oxygen gets to my brain, which makes it go on "overdrive" and I end up brooding and getting mad. If you run or bike, I suggest an i-POD with music or a lecture, so that you don't brood on your marriage. Sounds silly, but that's my experience.
Think of this time of "getting a life" as you entering a cave of wonders for a deep tranformative jouney. You will emerge a wonderful, luminous, compassionate, powerful, irresistible sex-godess capable of turning any man's head. The problem is, your light is so bright that only a true-hearted man will be attracted to you. So....if your husband doesn't find you interesting, then this says something about him. You will be patient, and you will woo him back. But his heart will betray him. If he's worthy of you, he'll approach, and be transformed by your brilliance, if he's a blackheart, and stays awat, then, my dear, you will sadly, but with some relief, let him go.
The scary part, dear is for him. Can he keep up? You are the one gaining ground, day by day, transforming into a more amazing woman.
I would love any recommendation for a pro Marriage group/church in the Bay Area.
OB, depending on what you find, maybe we can start one. I'm in the North Bay Area.
Glad to hear you sounding strong today. I love your list esp. the gun class :). Not for any damage reasons I used to shoot quite a bit (then kids no guns etc.) It is a slow process, but look at you go.
I don't have specific information if they have a marriage support group, but all these churches are pro-marriage, and will support your DB efforts.
East Bay: First Presbyterian, Berkley
Peninsula: Grace Presbyterian, Pao Alto; Menlo Park Presbyterian
North Bay: Grace Church, Morin
SFO: Golden Gate Community Church; St. Benedict Roman Catholic Church; Our Lady of Fatima Church
Look them up on Google. Call and ask, speaking to a pastor/priest and talk about your situation and you are looking for people to support you in your DB efforts.
Think of this time of "getting a life" as you entering a cave of wonders for a deep tranformative jouney. You will emerge a wonderful, luminous, compassionate, powerful, irresistible sex-godess capable of turning any man's head. The problem is, your light is so bright that only a true-hearted man will be attracted to you. So....if your husband doesn't find you interesting, then this says something about him. You will be patient, and you will woo him back. But his heart will betray him. If he's worthy of you, he'll approach, and be transformed by your brilliance, if he's a blackheart, and stays awat, then, my dear, you will sadly, but with some relief, let him go.
Maybe a little harsh? I don't believe any of us, including the MLC'ers causing all this pain, would wish death upon any of us. JMO.