Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis the last 24 hours

Oh boy! I remember this stage so clearly. Not being able to eat, my mind spinning with memories of the previous 20 years, worries about our children, couldn't work, couldn't do anything. As you said, OB, frozen in place.

Now, take some advice from someone who was there, and survived (and the many here too, and you will be one too) -

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, AND DO SOMETHING .... ANYTHING .... EVEN JUST GO FOR A WALK.

Sorry, didn't mean to shout.

Okay, do I have your attention ... ? How about doing the following?

Realise ... that life does go on.
You are ... worth more than this.
Even if your H is in Lalaland, you are not. It's his loss, and he will realise this one day, even if he may not say it.
Write down what you plan to do about getting on with your life (with or without him).
Also, this is a process, so take each day as it comes, and declare it a victory if you successfully get through it.
DECIDE that you will be okay ... you have the power to choose what you want in life.
Take time to be sad, be angry, be confused, but then move on. Damn, you have a right to these feelings, but don't linger too long.
Know that you are a good person, a woman of worth, and you have much to be proud of. Your H is messing up, and throwing away the best thing in his life, but he is unaware of that right now, so leave him to his devices. Detach, detach, detach.

When I discovered my H had OW (he was away for a week with our S's scout troop), I sought legal advice about my rights in the even my H decided to D me. I went to see a C, just to get it all out - my hurt, pain, anger, frustration, etc. I opened a separate bank account (just to feel some way independent - you could do something else). I recruited a good friend to be my go-whine-to-and-cry buddy. Then, I cleaned our house from top to bottom. Went shopping for some really sexy clothes. Had my hair done. Then, I waited for him to come home. The rest is history as they say.

REMEMBER: You are more than half of a sour relationship (or even a good R for that matter). We are all individuals in our own right, and our journey is sometimes joyful, and sometimes it is very painful. It is how we handle the painful part, that will determine how much we will appreciate the joyful, happy parts. Your H may or may not come back, but that should not determine how you will be, what choices you will make for your own good, and how you will be true to your authentic self.

Here are a couple of interesting articles on Dr. Phil's website (I like some of his advice, especially on marriage):
Ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen? You get divorced ... well, there is life after D - http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/213

When do you decide to call it quits? http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/23

Have you read DR? Or DB?

What can you do to improve yourself? http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/44

The above are some of the things that helped me. I hope some will help you, and some will probably not really apply to you, but it's worth the read, anyway.

Take care!

You are getting so much good advice. You may not be able to see that all today, but as time passes you will. I started sending myself flowers with encouraging notes. Proflowers on-line is a good way to do it.

I just printed the articles, Thank you so much!

Grace, This morning I was shattered, thanks to you I made it through the storm. I can't tell you how much it meant to able to just vent and know someone was listening. This community is a in one in a million.

OB how are you doing today? I am thinking about you.

Getting ready for work, still very sad but pressing on. I am still having a hard time sleeping. I woke up at least 3 times last night.

Well sweetie, he isn't thinking at all, never mind thinking twice.

One foot in front of the other. If I get really sad I buy shoes(don't tell Brue, she will yell at me for not saving money)

I really do know how you feel, one day , you will look in the mirror, and be angry, that you spent so much time being sad.

Get your self to do something fun, i know it will be hard at first, but then the 2nd time and the 3rd time will make you feel soooo much better.

HAve a peaceful day dear heart.

OB,

Does he care? Right now, no. In fact, he would be relieved if you died in a car accident. Sorry, but that's probably true. Then, in a couple of months from now, you might feel relieved if he died in a car accident. And guess what? If this works out between the two of you, those feelings will change.

It hurts like hell, honey.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

If you are crying you are human. It's OK to be shattered, sad, and, eventually fighting mad.

Scream if you have to....

Thank God you can still FEEL, even if it's pain. It means you can also feel passion and love.

I've cried so hard I sounded like wounded animal.

Any friends? Any woman near you who can be your cry buddy?

If you really have no one, I humbly suggest you find a good church in your area. Don't go through this alone.

--Theoden

OB,

So getting out of the house (even for work, bleh) is a good thing. Perhaps some shopping later? Dinner with a friend?
If not post here lots! I am humbled if I was helpful to you. You deserve the best and kind people to help you achieve it. ((((hugs)))).

I can't imagine him having those feelings but I guess in the world his mind is, I'm not his favorite person. I can agree with the crying like a wounded animal. My dog outside our window cried with me yesterday. He could hear me and I guess he knew that something was wrong.

I have great girfriends who are supporting me but they are not sure I should be holding on anymore. The call him names and just want to see me happy. I've stopped sharing with them because I don't need their pressure to move on. I use this site as an outlet and advice. Sure they let me cry, but I can see how hurt they are with him.

I joined a divorce/separartion group and they meet in a few weeks. I'm not sure about it because I want to try and surround myself with por-marriage individuals but right now, there is no one???