Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy What does it all mean??

I so agree - he says I can date until he makes up his mind - like all I am going to do is sit and wait for him to choose. I told him the door is still open but I am not sure for how long. He may come back but I may already be gone. It sure is sad he is willing to risk it all for a lying, cheating snake with zero character. Whew that felt good!

Hang in there we are all in this together - and it feels good to say that!

That's the craziest thing to me..Why risk it all for a ho?

Take care of yourself this weekend and start transforming into that woman Theoden described - THE ONE WITH ALL THE OPTIONS!!!!!!!

Yes...we all need to be the one with the options. ;-)

You ladies rock. I'm so impressed with you both. You are women of character and beauty.


--Theoden.

I found out about OW back in December. We tried until the first week of Jan. to make things work. He moved out first week of Jan to go live in a tiny apartment with OW. OW is divorced twice with three kids none of which live with her full time. This told H nothing. End of Jan on my birthday the 31 he moved back lasted 5 days and withdrawl for OW got the best of him. He has always told me he loved me. He has had a hard time dealing with the guilt and had no counseling. In January I did the whole call, texting, begging, chasing, inviting to dinners with me and our two kids. BTW our daughter is 11 and our son is 8. At the beginning of Jan it was this is my choice I love her but by the end of the month he was missing us so much and had softened. He is now back there with her and everyone had told me to back off. I had a hard time until this past week. Last Sunday morning he was rude to me on the phone in front of OW and I decided to give space then. I started seeing Counselor this past week. She explained why I can not chase and why I cant initiate contact. Ow is also having surgery next week a hysterectomy. Back in Jan when I would ask him to come home it was always I promised to get her through her surgery. Anyway counselor said this is perfect timing to do no contact because OW will be kind of out of range for him and I will be not as available either. Okay I understand all this and I have become closer to God through all of this. What are the other aspects to this besides not initiating contact? Should I still talk to him about how is night or day is going when he calls? Should I ever invite him to anything? He has to drive 30 minutes to our home now to help with kids and I know that will wear on him as well. Not to mention we just bought this house last Spring and now he is with her in a dinky apartment. Any other advice and any other insight will help. Everyone has said no way will this work because she wont stay with him knowing she cant meet his family. They have already made it clear she isnt welcome, she will not be around our kids, so no holidays. They really have nothing together. My husband has told me he would not divorce me because I can not refinance our home on my wage and he said he wouldnt do anything to cause us to lose our home. Okay sorry so long and sorry I am rambling. What does everyone else think????????

It was actually a pretty good weekend - all things considered! It's amazing how there are times when we are out having fun that I almost forget about the OW. Of course, then an incoming text message come in!! UGH!! But, H is talking about future outings with us, me, etc. I just don't know how long he can carry on this double life. I truly think OW is starting to talk or WANT to talk to everyone about their R. Oh boy.. I really hope she does!!!

So - here's what is working:
1 - I backed waaaay off - no R talk unless H starts it
2 - no mention of OW
3 - remaining calm and slightly detached (trying not to take things personally!)
4 - Looking my best
5 - Being the one to initiate intimacy - hug, kiss, ILU, ML - in a loving way not a desparate one!
6 - Praying!

For all of you church-goers, isn't lent a great season since it is a season of soul-searching and repentence?! I know my H could hardly sit still this week!!

Lonley,

Lent is a time for self-examination.

I've been open to have God show me where I need to change.

Pray for me..I'm getting weary of this.

--Theoden

Lonely;

I am glad to hear your positives. I am glad your H still attends service with you. My W stopped attending within weeks of the bomb, and hasn't so much as asked about anything church related since.

I think it would be good to have them with you and hear a different perspective, even if it does make them squirm.

Hang in there.

Thanks guys.. I'm trying to remain positive.. I am so greatful that my H still attends church. I believe that it makes a difference.

Theoden - I WILL pray for you.. I have also been praying and seeking out changes that I need to make. It's a really good thing...

Well, I thought things were looking better and H was seriously taking a hard look at re-evaluating what God wants him to do. Then, late last night he got all agitated and went on the internet. I asked him what he was doing and he got all nasty with me. The internet has not been a way for him to be in contact OW in the past - only cell phone/texts. Anyway, he was on some site where you can share videos. Oh God.. at first I thought that she made him a little porno video but the site says that they won't allow that. So, who knows what he was doing... She probably makes little videos of herself that he can look at and not forget her while they're apart. BARF!

Hello!

Hang in there and try to stop worrying about him contacting her - I know way easier said than done - especially with H still at home (I know I am doing better cuz he's gone and I cannot snoop or question him). It is like they are teenagers and the more we try to stop them the more they want to be together. This will pan out with or without your control - so be strong, be true to you!