Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Still in the fight

Well said!

I know my hope right now is that it will not come to that point, but I have to say in all honesty that I don't know why it wouldn't given her current state of affairs.(the pun was intended)

Just stopping by to see how you are doing 8. Hope all is going as well as expected in your world. Take care brother....


Ben

Thanks Ben, I just posted on your thread.

As well as can be expected one day at a time, but I just got word this AM that BIL had a siezure last night and CAT scan showed mass on his brain, MRI this AM, won't know for awhile. I spoke to SIL, she is very upset and everyone keeps telling her be positive, she said it was driving her crazy.(she has always been an eternal pessimist) I told her it was OK to feel the fear, uncertainty, and anger, but to feel it and then move past it because BIL will need help w/ PMA, and she won't be able to do that if she is focusing on the negative. Also told her to take care of herself, get some sleep, make sure she eats, keep working out. All of that sounds really familiar...

It is amazing to me how similar all traumatic events are. A few months ago, I would have never thought in those terms in response to an illness, but now it is second nature.

Sorry for your pain brother. I hope everything works out for your BIL...Keep me posted. I will add him to my prayer list.

Also talking about tragic event you might want to read up on BI's thread. She rolled her car (with her kids in it) down a mountain last night and could use some positive reinforcement. Everyone is alright but I know that would scare the hell out of me.

Glad to see you are going strong. Your BIL and SIL will need you to keep upbeat and positive through all of this.

Take care brother.

Thanks man,
chin up!

8,

It's up to you how long, and how far you are willing to tolerate her affair.

GAL and 180 will make you stronger, even if the "knife" is in the wound. They will.

And GAL and 180's take some time take effect. Having her leave the house while she's sleeping with another man may be necessary for your sanity and DB efforts.

The hard part is, how do you respect and love someone who is not acting in a respectable or loving manner towards you? All I can say is, "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." He loved those who crucified him. Look deep into his wounds of love and medidate on them.

--Theoden

It's important we process these feelings of rejection and feel the pain of it because overcoming that is key to our future outlook and PMA. I never in my life have experienced this sense of rejection to this degree. All the ugly emotions that are triggered by it can be overwhelming and can be destructive if not challenged.

If you can get past that and still find it in your being to love and forgive, you've learned an awesome lesson in life that I believe Christ showed us through example. It brings an incredible inner strength and peace. You know by surviving that emotion and turning it into something positive, you can withstand anything that comes your way. You project a strong and positive presence that people notice and respond favorably to. It crushes old fears and opens up all kind of opportunities to us that we may not have taken advantage of otherwise.

Pain is weakness leaving the body!

TO and ATGO;
Thank you both so much.

I want to be that mirror that reflects His love for us. I want my W to see that unconditional love.

I have already forgiven her and accepted my responsibility as a contributing factor, and forgiven myself. I can't seem to proactively forgive, it just keeps coming around with each new twist of the knife, and the process gets more difficult each time.

My discussion w/ my friend last night revolved around the utter despair and rejection that comes with a truley broken heart, not to mention infidelity.

Family and friends that don't agree w/ my approach or are unaware of it keep saying I am just repressing my emotions. I inform them that I am not repressing them, I am just not giving them power over my life.

Each and every day I experience pain,despair,rejection, and remorse, all of which culminate to form an emptiness in my heart and soul that I can not even describe. When I feel this, I accept it for what it is, grief over the death of my marriage and the loss of my best friend. As I accept it, I come to own it. It is mine to do with what I will, and I CHOOSE TO kick it's ass to the curb.

On those very same days I will experience joy, happiness, laughter, and opptimism. As I acknowledge these emotions I CHOOSE to incorporate them into who I am, and how I want to behave.

8,

That's it dude. Kick the despair in the ass.

We've been there. People have recovered from worse situations, people have turned their marriages around with less to work with on your side.

The rejection is awful, the betrayal is worse. You feel a piece of you dies everyday. It's common.

Jesus can heal your anger, rejection and hatred.

Time is on your side.

Sooner or later, the OM's shit is going to start to smell ;-) And guess who is going to be there smelling like a rose when that happems? You my friend. They are at the hieght of their romance...it only goes downhill from there. You are at the low point of your relationship, it only goes up from there.

You're gonna smoke that bastard.

--Theoden

TO;
You never fail to put a smile on my face.

This piece of sh!t may have my wife's attention, but I have 26 years of shared experience. Life's ups and downs, and I have been there through it all, unwavering. I have a life time of love with this woman, he has a fling with someone who is confused and at a low point in her life.

I have three beautiful shining children with her, he has a handfull of unrealistic fantasy moments.

I have and will continue to show her that I am standing by her side through the toughest moments of our lives, he has and will continue to show her that he is a manipulative, lieing, cheating unrepentant SOB with no regard for anyone but himself.(she just needs to wake up and see that part)

I am the man who has loved her through the many seasons of our lives, he is a selfish @sshole who she will tire of as his real neediness starts to rear it's ugly head.

I am the man who has forsaken all others for HER, vowed to be with her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, AND MEANT IT! He is happy with her as long as she is fulfilling his needs.

I just need to keep it all in perspective. Was 40 years too long to wander for the promise of God?