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I hate to bring this up, but is there OW? My H wanted out, and told me there was no-one else, but there was OW after all. Seems to me, that a man won't leave his W and/or family, unless he is going to someone else. I'm not saying you should snoop, but bear it in mind when dealing with him. His wanting absolutely no contact for the next 2 weeks just makes me wonder why.

Anyway, your best bet is to go dark (it's what he says he wants), start GAL (which means taking care of yourself, focusing on your needs, your interests, and what pleases you), be a little mysterious if he calls, keep up the PMA, and work toward lovingly detaching. All basic DB'ing techniques, which you probably know already, but it does no harm rehashing, 'eh!

If your H is in MLC, then expect him to rewrite your marital history. He will say things happened, that never did, or expectations that were never met, that were. You will become the 'evil' W, who never understood him. He will speak in generalities, and extremes, and very rarely will there be specifics because there are none. It was 'always' or 'never'. He will probably even say he had doubts about marrying you in the first place. You will, in other words, hear some really unpleasant and confusing things. Keep writing in your journal, and don't let him make you doubt yourself. Also, make sure you protect yourself, financially, and legally. You do not want to end up being responsible for his debt (and they do love to spend when they're in MLC lalaland).

A lot of this has been my experience, or those of many on this board, and a little from people I know who have been through similar sitches. Yours may be a variation, and I sure do hope it will be a gentler one.

Take care!

I hate to bring this up, but is there OW? My H wanted out, and told me there was no-one else, but there was OW after all. Seems to me, that a man won't leave his W and/or family, unless he is going to someone else. I'm not saying you should snoop, but bear it in mind when dealing with him. His wanting absolutely no contact for the next 2 weeks just makes me wonder why.

Anyway, your best bet is to go dark (it's what he says he wants), start GAL (which means taking care of yourself, focusing on your needs, your interests, and what pleases you), be a little mysterious if he calls, keep up the PMA, and work toward lovingly detaching. All basic DB'ing techniques, which you probably know already, but it does no harm rehashing, 'eh!

If your H is in MLC, then expect him to rewrite your marital history. He will say things happened, that never did, or expectations that were never met, that were. You will become the 'evil' W, who never understood him. He will speak in generalities, and extremes, and very rarely will there be specifics because there are none. It was 'always' or 'never'. He will probably even say he had doubts about marrying you in the first place. You will, in other words, hear some really unpleasant and confusing things. Keep writing in your journal, and don't let him make you doubt yourself. Also, make sure you protect yourself, financially, and legally. You do not want to end up being responsible for his debt (and they do love to spend when they're in MLC lalaland).

A lot of this has been my experience, or those of many on this board, and a little from people I know who have been through similar sitches. Yours may be a variation, and I sure do hope it will be a gentler one.

Take care!

OB,

Yes..GAL. Something fun. We all can't wait for you to start breathing and having fun. Maybe your husband will be a part of the new you, maybe he won't. But if he is, it's because you want him to, on terms that are workable for you. Your going to surprise yourself, OB. You really will.

--Theoden

BeingME,

OMG...my wife has been re-writing the marital history -- and guess to gets to be the bad guy?

Is that typical MLC? Man that explains a lot.

I understand the "me, me, me" attitude. I undetrstand the moral relativism. I undetrstand the rejection of her solid Christian faith she had from childhood. But I was wondering where certain complaints came from...some of them true, but some of it seems to be revising history.

Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Thanks...can you speak more on this issue.

---Theoden

I hope that my H comes to his senses, but even if he doesn't I'm only 35, attractive, great personality and haven't had any children, and when I love~ I do so my all that I am. I know I am a great catch! (This is what I tell myself in the miror, every chance I get)

It sounds silly but for the past 3 weeks my soul has ached and with his departure tomorrow, I WANT TO BE OK!!! My girlfriends are coming over with champgne to toast my "different" life in the evening. Is it wierd that I'm a little excited about it? I made a wonderful home for him and I. And I'm fortunate enough to remain in the home. With all of our wonderful memories, our dog and a recently remodeled kitchen and bath. He is moving into a nice one bedroom condo. (we purchaed in 6/06 as an investment)
But in the end he will be alone and I will have my home surrounded by those that love me and support me. My H has alienated all of our mutual friends. Even his mother is upset with his behavior.

getting a life... I am planning on taking an Adobe Element class. I love photoghraphy and creating special videos & slideshows from pictures and events. I am reconnecting with friends and making plans for weekend visits. Slowly my H will start to see and wonder what he left behind.

If there is OW, than I hope she is worth all he is losing. I can forgive him, but I would need him to make a true attempt to save our marriage. He is going to WANT me, more that he can ever imagine!!!

starting to feel very sad about him moving out. Where is the strong woman I know I am?

(((OB)))

Hang in there, you`ll be ok. It`s only natural to feel sad, or even apprehensive about what will happen next. Allow yourself to feel down, if you fight it you`ll only supress it & it can come out in ugly ways.

Yes, just by reading your post, I know you`re a beautiful woman, you sound just like me, although I just turned 50, I`m quite a catch.

Enjoy your fun tonight with your GF`s, & cry if you must. Tommorrow is another day!!!

xox
Celestial

well he left and I was very strong throughout the whole process. In the end he couldn't even look at me. He kissed me lightly and I wished him luck. I have been crying since he left.

Now what?? How can I still hope that my marriage will be saved when he is gone?

OB,

Quite honestly if you read up on the other situations here, most of the ones that are turning around involve a husband that did move out. And actually without him there even though that is SO difficult to have him away, at least you don't be walking on eggshells.
I remember when my H moved out of our house, 5 days after the bomb. I know how you are feeling. I'm so sorry. You need to cry. Then get some extra sleep tonight. Call up a friend tomorrow and talk. Or get out of the house if you can. These are the hardest days to get through but you will find with time, they do get easier. I promise.

I cannot begin to imagine how badly you must feel, since my H never left the house. At least, not physically. Try not to let the fact that he has left, allow you to despair. There is always hope. Sometimes, these bad things happen, just to show us how true happiness really feels.

You did say you would be having some friends over. Sounds like you have a good support system. Take this time while he is away, to work on you, and finding the person you were before all this happened. Many of us seem to lose ourselves in our M's and family, and don't notice until there is a crisis.

Take care of yourself!