Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Finding me....

Ali,

Hang in there you're doing fine. This current physical distance between you might just be creating a little intrigue. Maybe you should share how good you're feeling with your H, and how you can't wait to get ahold of him when he gets home. Let him ponder that for awhile.

You keep working on YOU, and I'll keep working on ME, and we'll both be in a better place than we are now.

God Bless You,

COG

Cog,
Thank you so very much for checking on me and saying Hi! You are a real blessing in my life and have helped me on more than one occasion. Your wife is very lucky to have you. God bless you too sweetie...
~ Ali

Thanks you so much for your support~~~ and yes lets keep working on ourselves!!!! As difficult as it seems sometimes it truly is a blessing more than a burden.

I am here again and just trying to make sense of this new way of thinking. I am hoping that I can stay this way and not get side tracked.
I also did start reading a book of meditations for women who do too much and I have found some very nice stuff to think about in there. While I was riding the bike today for over an hour I read alot and it helped me to think more about myself and this journey I am on. I am really doing better on dwelling on the OW memory of it all. I do think about "it" occasionally and it actually just slips thru my mind and I start thinking about something else right away. I am very proud of this and I want to keep being strong and keep falling in love with myself so that I can be better with my husband. Cause that is really what happens when you love yourself and respect yourself it just spills over into everything you do and your everyday interactions. I have never loved myself enough to do this for too long. My h even said this to me the other day.
Stop WORRYING ABOUT ME!!!! Start worrrying about you and change...

ENOUGH SAID.

he told me to stop praying for him just stop x , stop y, stop z and just RELAX. That he was never going to leave me or the kids that he loved me very much and to focus on that!
Something I am terrible at doing. I have never been able to RELAX for long and yet now I am very much working on that and typing and posting here is a part of that it helps me to feel calm and to let my emotions out and have a place to put them.

I will post more later the kids need to use the computer we are going to watch music videos and dance and act silly how fun!
God bless...

Ali,
You don't know what I would give to hear those words from my W. What a gift, a treasure he's given you. Please count your blessings. After four years of separation, and after being reconciled for a year, my W still can not or will not make that kind of statement. The best I get is "let's take it one day at a time, or I'm working on it, or we'll see how things go, or tomorrow is another day. Those are'nt necessarily bad things, but if she only knew the burden she could lift from me by just saying words like your H said. I've come to a point of courage where I don't need to hear her say it, but what a relief it would bring anyway.

You sound like you're doing really well. Any time those doubts and fears come up, just think back about what he said. Remember, fear, anxiety, anger, selfishness, they come from the dark side. Courage, peace, joy, generosity, humility, come from the good side.

Love,

COG

Dear sweet COG,
You kindness and thoughtful words have once again made me cry.
You are a beautiful person and your wife is lucky to have you.
I agree with you,,, words are very important to me too,, when he said that it changed alot for me. And I do think of it like you said when I feel down or scared.

You are a blessing and I hope and pray one day your Wife loves you even more,,( shows you the love ) with the same passion I love my H. And ML love to you with a deep passion that only Married couples can share. Maybe it is deep in there... I will continue to pray for her and for you. Have a beautiful day COG you deserve it.
I too used to say things like it is ok not to ML we have tomorrow just waiting for the passion to well up in me and I feel it coming now ever since your post to me RE: the subject and MY meds I am taking. I have not felt this ALIVE in ... I cant even remember to be perfectly honest. And the whole while my H sat there just miserable and waiting.
XOXOXO, Love and May God continue to bless you,Ali

Ali,

And thank you for your kindness and thoughtfullness. I hope you don't mind my asking, but what meds are you taking?

Thanks,

COG

Do not mind at all sweetie,, I am on Lexapro it is for anxiety and depression. @ 2.5 weeks ago I had a severe Panic attack. I mean my body even locked up and it lasted for a good 20 minutes. It was scary. To say the least.
I had been having Anxiety for a few years actually now ( ever since my H cheated the first time actually, it was to much for me )and I foolishly thought I did not need to take medicine. I was prescribed meds back then and thought well I can overcome this I do not want to take a pill everyday. I even tried to say this a few weeks ago to my DR again and he said wouldnt it just be so much better if you did not have to feel like this everyday?

AND WITH TEARS streaming down my face I said " yes it would .."

The first few days I slept aloooooooooot like I had not slept in years. ( I dont think I had slept good in years !!!)
I read the side effects and was really trying to find excuses to stop taking it , I felt like a failure for having to take medicine . Normal people dont have to take meds, etc ,etc. One of the side effects is low sex drive and I have had quite the opposite effect. ( FINGERS CROSSED )
And I also looked for natural remedies to enhance my drive and I read that taking GINKGO BILOBA has been shown to help. So now I take 2 of those and I excercise at least 3 times or more a week. And I feel like I am getting back to normal again. For years I had a very low drive and it started when I was 30 and I am now 36.... Not good.

I used to have a very high drive,, so now I am keeping my fingers crossed for it to come back. And my DR did say that alot of is has to do with my brain,, if I feel like I can trust then I can get back to me too.

So I hope all my rambling has helped you some....
I really do appreciate your posts they mean alot to me. I am doing all I can to become a better me and in the end I hope to show my H just how much he means to me. I love him so much and just want to get this right and shine so he can smile too.

My son started a my space for me and I thought it was crazy and have asked him to delete it but since it is there I thought you might like to see what I look like so you can see who this quirky woman is... http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=156907957
Take care sweetie and God bless....

Ali,

I was taking some, can't remember the name meds, for awhile but they did'nt seem to do much for me. Usually all I need is a full moon to get me out of a funk. But I am kind of tired from the age old grind. I've always been a responsible guy, successfull career, played hard, but I've never been so drained as from fighting for my M. Sometimes I look back at the rambuncious 25 year old that I was and wonder what happened to that guy. I'm still a fiery guy though, and I love an adventure. The only reason I might try some meds is in creating a little more energy at home with W. Otherwise life is good!

You are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside. You and your H are blessed to have each other. Talk to you later.

Love,

COG

Ali,

I take 5mg of celexa and I've found it helps tremedously. I didn't think I needed it, but once I tried it I realized how much better I was able to deal with the divorce. It was like NOTHING could upset me!!! Amazing stuff.

I haven't heard of Gingo Biloba helping with drive (isn't it more for memory?). One herb which I've read is good for female sex drive is Damiana. Although I don't know how effective it is, or anything else about it.

I thank you for the post and will look up Damiana.
.... and get some too. Most likely~

I dunno I was on a website ( cant remember the name of it,, I just used key word low sd)and it said someone took it to yes enhance their memory but the side effect was it enhanced this persons sex drive. And seeing as my memory lately is not so good either I thought what the heck.
I guess Celexa and Lexapro are very similiar.....
Yes it helps alot,, for me also I find that what I think does not stay in anymore as much I talk more now about this bugs me or please do this different or you know that was just plain rude and I hear someone laughing and guess what it is me. And yes it has helped me to feel calm again. I know I used to get way too upset about things. I feel more centered.
Amazing....
My Dr put me on a generic version and I find I am nauseous in the morning like when you are pregnant that I do not like but I will call him On Monday and see what he recommends.
Thanks for your post and I hope you are feeling better.
God bless....